Hey all, thought about posting this in the HRT forum but then realized I have so much more to update you on than just my medical transition progress. But let's start there. Things are going pretty smoothly and I'm starting to see some truly tangible results. I now fill an A-cup which is super exciting. I'm becoming obsessed with my breasts because they are really starting to look like female breasts (as opposed to just swollen Pecs or moobs). I'm slowly noticing a little bit of body shape changes but not a lot yet. My appetite took a real leap this last month and a half so I'm eating way too much and have put on about 5 pounds. Honestly I'm ok with that as I've now stabilized again and I think the gains helped launch my shape and breast changes. My doctor just upped my E dosage again to a level that is akin to where many stay as a full dose. So hoping to see more pronounced facial changes and maybe some body hair reductions as well. Unfortunately, I haven't seen much improvement in the hair on my head. Still somewhat thin in the front although I will say my hair line is holding steady. Still wearing wigs for now as my hair isn't long enough for me to do much with yet.
From a social transition perspective, I'm almost full-time. I'm now full-time at home. I've completely come out at work and everyone has been very supportive. I've gotten many nice emails and phone calls and some are already asking if they can call me Alyssa. November 1 is my official date, but it looks like things might happen a little sooner. I have a project with a new client starting on 10/30 so the plan is to just introduce me as Alyssa right from the start. I'm already building up my professional wardrobe so I'm ready. I'm also speaking at a conference near the end of the month and will be presenting as Alyssa as well. My formal name change hearing is scheduled for the end of October as well. I petitioned for a confidential change to avoid having to publish in the news paper. Hopefully the judge will grant it. I've also got a gig coming up with my band which will be the first time I've ever played out as my authentic self. I'm so excited!!
On the personal side, things are changing rapidly. As many of you might remember, my wife has been struggling emotionally with my transition but I as hopeful we could still turn things around. Well I've admitted to myself that I was in denial. I've also come to conclude that living in our current situation (legally married, living separately in the same house) is not helping her get any better. So it's time for a change. 2 weeks ago, I told my wife I thought it would be best if we divorced. Despite her repeatedly telling me how much she hates me (but loves "him" she says), calling me a b**ch and a sl*t on regular occasions, and repeatedly reminding me that we're not a couple and in no way "together", she was still very upset when I told her this is what I wanted. She had also previously told me that things are easier for her when I'm away on business because she has to focus on being responsible for the kids and of course doesn't have to face me. So I told her I felt that this confirms that what she needs to get better is to be free of me. I honestly believe she needs to explore other relationships as well.
I also told her that I need to be free to explore other relationships as well and that I have one in particular that I'm interested in. Yes, I have found someone. Someone who makes me super happy and who totally understands me in every way I could ever ask for. She's an amazing woman who is super intelligent, spiritually connected and challenges me to be a better person. We met online and regularly spend hours a day on the phone. We connected immediately and at a very deep level, in a way that I can't remember having ever experienced with anyone before. We can truly intuit each others feelings, we both seem to have empathy that extends beyond the norm and we regularly explore a great many aspects of our experience in a crazy existential way. However, one of the greatest things she has done for me is helped me learn to truly love myself. That's been probably the biggest development at all in these first 6 months. For example, I've included a couple photos below of a boudoir photo shoot I did in my room one morning. I posted these on Facebook and Instagram. That is something I'd have never had the confidence to do previously. This really is an amazing relationship and I can't express in words how thankful and thrilled I am to have her in my life.
