My manager works in another state. I had wanted to talk to him one face-to-face, but our schedules never worked out. I finally gained enough courage to send him a note today. I waited until the end of my workday to send the note, so I won't know his response until tomorrow. I work for a large company (over 30,000 employees) which is LGBTQ friendly and has well-defined guidelines for transitioning, with an emphasis on confidentiality.
After sending the note I went to my electrolysis appointment. On the drive there I started thinking about what I had just done and was almost overcome with emotion. The only word that came to mind was 'freedom'. I realized I was one step closer to freeing my soul from the darkness where I have kept it hidden all of these years.
Here is a copy of the note, hopefully I did not cross the TMI (too much information) boundary:
I wanted to have a face-to-face conversation with you, but since personal schedules are hard to predict a note will have to suffice.
First let me allay some of your concerns. I love working here and would like to stay until I retire, which will hopefully be another 10 years or more. I enjoy the work I am doing, and I consider everyone I work with to be a friend.
There is something I must tell you, but I want to give you a little background information to help explain my situation. I have always felt that I was somehow different, but it was a feeling I could not accurately describe. These feelings caused internal conflicts, significant frustration and even anger at times. Through the years I learned to control my behavior, but I never knew the source of my pain.
In December of last year I had an epiphany -- I finally understood the source of my pain. All my life I have been trying to fulfill the roles and expectations placed on any young man. The problem is I should actually have been a woman. I am transgender.
There are many theories as to what causes this condition, but that does not matter to me. All I know is how I feel. I started hormone replacement therapy under a doctor's care in late March of this year. Since then my cloud of darkness has started to dissipate. Each new day has brought me increasing moments of joy, and it is slowly becoming more difficult for me to conceal my secret.
I do not know when I will begin my social transition. I believe one day I will wake up and realize that my time has finally arrived. It is hard to predict when that day will come, but I expect it will be within the next three to six months. I will give you as much warning as I can. Until then I will continue to present as a male at work and will dress and act appropriately.
I realize this will come as a shock to most people, it was a bit of a shock to me also. Luckily our company has quite a few resources to help with this situation, including information for managers and co-workers. You may want to start here:
(link to company's 'Gender Transition Guidelines' document)
Please guard this information carefully. Outside of my doctor there are only two people in the world who know my secret -- you are number three.
