Why afraid to post on Susan's?

[DawnOday]

Monica    I came to this site and immediately realized that if I were to heal from a lifetime of isolation and self guilt that it was imperative that I post. On these pages I have found a family of people working through their pain.  The only thing I regret is not being able to meet you all personally. I have learned so much, proving old dogs...  Monica, you have always given such thoughtful responses. Devlyn, is our comic relief. Cindy, is the Sheriff. Julia1996, has been a delight and adds an element of youth to our conversations. Others I have appreciated have moved on. Like the person known as Archangel who stunningly revealed her transition.  MichelleP, is another person that has helped immensely. Dena, I owe her my gratitude for encouraging me to explorer. HughE for giving me some great medical research concerning DES. Kendra is also someone I appreciate and I am so glad she is comfortable enough to resume her music. Sadie, hugs
   Thanks to all you, I am relatively stress free for the first time in my life. I have an idea of how my life could have been. I also have a future I haven't believed in, in the past. I had given up and was willing to suffer any fate to put an end to it all.
   
I wish we could move beyond virtual hugs.
Dawn

[HappyMoni]

   I think it very important for any newbie out there to recognize that what they have to say is important. I have a story to illustrate this. Around January of this year, I welcomed a very scared, tentative person to the site. I tried to reassure her that she was welcome here and that it was a safe place. She was not even trans and felt that she would not fit in or might be attacked. Well, I am so glad that I was able to talk her into expressing herself. It turns out that this person had a wealth of experience, a heart as big as Texas, and a wonderful personality. In a very difficult time in my life, she showed me a glimpse into my future, calmed and supported me. As quickly as she appeared, she was called to move on. The thing is, she changed my life, gave me hope, allowed me to see what could be. If you think you have nothing to say, maybe you are wrong. Maybe you have just the thing that someone else needs to hear. Love you all.
Moni
Oh is that decaf? Wait, is there any hot chocolate, the kind with the little marshmallows.

I am modifying this post as I didn't see your post Dawn until after I posted. It's funny the similar thoughts though. Thank you for your kind words Hon. So glad you are here. There are too many on here for me to list as having helped me through so much.
Wait a minute, you mean Devlyn is trying to be funny?

[Dee Marshall]

When you're new the more voices saying me too means so much. I never read posts here and think anything disparaging. I'm glad you more experienced people have stuck around. It really means a lot. We all stand on each others shoulders and theres no way to say thank you sufficiently or enough. Thank You.

I'll consider "me too" when appropriate, then.

As to "standing on each other's shoulders", how very Escher! I love it! What a visual!

:

April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!

Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.

They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!

Think outside the voice box!

[DawnOday]

You can try. Anyone can try. Even Devlyn. 

[Tommi]

Hi to the newer members or infrequent posters on Susan's. I am curious about those folks who come here seeking information or help, but might be scared about posting. I am wondering if it is intimidating. Is there fear of not being taken seriously? Personally, I enjoy seeing those would might start out scared, post, and then grow in confidence. So maybe I could offer a preemptive welcome and possibly coax someone out of the shadows to help inform this old fogey poster. I promise not to act like a transgender vampire and try to bite you.
Moni

I got a new phone and didn't install tapatalk,so, out of sight out of mind. I am lucky enough to have an excellent support group physically, and the only questions I currently have, I'm not allowed to ask here. I still donate monthly, because I think this is an important resource for people that need it.

[Sarah_P]

I waited over a month after finding this site before I actually posted. I learned so much from everyone during that time (still am!), that after coming out to my best friends I needed to post here. I needed to talk to people who were going / have gone through the same things I am.
One of the main reasons I don't post more is that it takes me forever to type a message. I worry about spelling, grammar, not sounding like an idiot ( ), and not upsetting anyone. I think it's my lack of social skills (living like a hermit for over a decade will do that).
I'd post more often if it weren't for that and just not having as much time as I'd like to do so (some days I can barely keep up reading a small portion of the posts!).

[Laurie]

   This thread was started with the newer folk in mind asking if they were afraid to post and why. As an added component Moni was interested in knowing if they grew in confidence through their posting. I think I had fit into this group because though I was not very shy about posting I was here looking for help with anxiety I was feeling about coming out to my GP and confessing to him that I had been self medicating with HRT. This site helped me do this and helped me through other steps as I began my journey. I also began to feel a part of the site as I made friends and encouraged others newer people by telling them parts of my story as it related to them. I felt useful, helpful, important. Then I made my road trip and began full time on it. I felt great, I was on top of the world, life was good. I wanted to help, to give back some of what I gained through this site and the friends I have made on it.
    Things change. I still want to help  but now I hesitate to post. I've fallen and I am broken. It started with my daughter and has gotten worse by bringing out issues long hidden and pushed aside but never quite forgotten. Even writing this little bit makes me want to not post this  because it is negative and will help no one.
    This is a support site and I have none to give atm. I'm consumed with myself. Because of this I hesitate to post at all.

Laurie

[Devlyn]

I don't see anything negative about that, Laurie. You're sharing your feelings and that shows people that they're not alone in their struggles. The site is built out of words. Yours count, and  help others.

Hugs, Devlyn

[JennyBear]

      Things change. I still want to help  but now I hesitate to post. I've fallen and I am broken. It started with my daughter and has gotten worse by bringing out issues long hidden and pushed aside but never quite forgotten. Even writing this little bit makes me want to not post this  because it is negative and will help no one.
    This is a support site and I have none to give atm. I'm consumed with myself. Because of this I hesitate to post at all.

    There are many ways to give support. You can do it without even trying. Merely letting others hear about your struggles and the responses you get can shed light on what someone else is going through. And like Devlyn said, it lets them know that they are not alone in their struggles. If you don't like sharing your difficulties for one reason or another. You can always stick to responding to threads in an area you do feel like you can contribute. Thread topics here run the gamut from psychological, to political, to just random "whats going on recently," with just about every legal topic discussed at one point or another. People care about you here. Even popping in to say "Hi, today my life kinda sucked," still lets us know you are ok. Asking for help alone gives support to those that take solace in providing it, such as myself. I always feel better about myself when I know that I've helped someone. So asking for help, helps my (and others') emotional needs as well. Hope this has given you food for thought. Stay Safe and Don't Be a Stranger.

HUGS!

[Roll]

    This is a support site and I have none to give atm. I'm consumed with myself. Because of this I hesitate to post at all.

This is where I run into my own issues posting, as I struggle to phrase what I'm feeling in a way that I don't feel like it sounds stupid, corny, or, even worse, hollow... Let's see if I can't give it a try.

Just by being here, living proof that all of this is survivable is more than enough support. Those of us just starting out know the pain we have been through (whatever forms it may have taken), see the pain others have been through in their posts... but because you and so many others are here on the other side, be it posting in serious topics or just having fun with something like the cooking threads, we also see that despite it all, people survive--that we can survive. And you know the great thing about survival? While it's not a guarantee that things will be better, but it allows for the possibility that things will be better. And while I can't speak for anyone else, for me that is what matters most. I spent my teens and twenties hiding from the world, not really living. Even just the possibility of better is everything to me. And best of all you don't have to do anything, you just have to be.

And this is why I worry I come across as corny.

(TL-but-actually-not-long-DR: Basically what Jenny said.)

[Laurie]

This is where I run into my own issues posting, as I struggle to phrase what I'm feeling in a way that I don't feel like it sounds stupid, corny, or, even worse, hollow... Let's see if I can't give it a try.

Just by being here, living proof that all of this is survivable is more than enough support. Those of us just starting out know the pain we have been through (whatever forms it may have taken), see the pain others have been through in their posts... but because you and so many others are here on the other side, be it posting in serious topics or just having fun with something like the cooking threads, we also see that despite it all, people survive--that we can survive. And you know the great thing about survival? While it's not a guarantee that things will be better, but it allows for the possibility that things will be better. And while I can't speak for anyone else, for me that is what matters most. I spent my teens and twenties hiding from the world, not really living. Even just the possibility of better is everything to me. And best of all you don't have to do anything, you just have to be.

And this is why I worry I come across as corny.

(TL-but-actually-not-long-DR: Basically what Jenny said.)

  I see nothing corny is this Roll.

I think it is important to post when you are new here. By doing so you build friends and gain the support you desperately need at that point. You're timidly reaching out that hand in hopes that some kind soul will grab it and help you along. Given time you become the only grabbing that outstretched hand giving back some of that support and help you were given. Sharing is helping. And it works for as long as you have something to give back.

  Now how's that for corny?

[JennyBear]

Even just the possibility of better is everything to me. And best of all you don't have to do anything, you just have to be.

And this is why I worry I come across as corny.

    While this advice/inspirational quote has become cliched, it is far from corny. Sometimes those simple platitudes can provide a different way of thinking that can act as a much needed life preserver in a sea of uncertainty. (See I can do it too.  ) Stay true to yourself, and unless it concerns TOS or being hurtful, don't worry about how you come across so much. If there is a problem, someone will let you know. Even if something you say does sound corny, that doesn't make what you said invalid.

HUGS!

[Tiame]

Will give a thumb nail.  I am 49 mtf, and that in itself is a verb issue I am FEMALE in a male body. I have lost nothing in telling family and friends about myself.   And yes i kids, well lets  15, 13, 7 . Ands married 15 years to the love of my life and she is working hard on accepting me. I hit the mega jackpot with her; ie  a high school friend that transitioned. Bisexual leaning to girls.

I am a DIY. I will not talk about what I know. Yes, I know the dangers ( I have almost a masters in herbology ( spelling sorry am dyslexic)   with collage paperwork ) And NO will not talk about it, am not licensed,  nor will give advice. I have a appointment at Planned Parent Hood. I have had seen a great therapist with a lifetime of experience that helped my via CBT and did proper pronoun changes ((changed from him to gender neutral) ( which messed up my works depression therapy time off policy)) cause it did not match the approved formula .   

And my biggest issue is where is the spiritual growth of finally accepting one self. I can understand the medical side what is need. So I look and read for a post on why does this new action feel so good, or why does this taste feel so different, Trying to find a common point to relate to.  Trying to find anything I can connect to.  Maybe not to deep into older posts but my time is limited 10+ hour days ... kids ... wife ... all needing time too.


And the google search terms are simple.  " Transgender people threw history"  Just keep in mind they did not have access to modern day medical. So actions might seem weird.

So will get off my soap box.

Hope you all find peace and and happiness. And will wonder and check in the morning if been flag.

[brandyvgs]

Honestly, I have been trying to be more social-able.

[Alex81]

I'm on another place where I have juuuuust over 1,100 posts, spanned 15 years. That averages 0.32 posts per day and that's a place that used to be really busy and an interest of mine.

So In short... I have nothing to contribute, so I don't say anything.

The reasons run deep.

[LizK]

Will give a thumb nail.  I am 49 mtf, and that in itself is a verb issue I am FEMALE in a male body. I have lost nothing in telling family and friends about myself.   And yes i kids, well lets  15, 13, 7 . Ands married 15 years to the love of my life and she is working hard on accepting me. I hit the mega jackpot with her; ie  a high school friend that transitioned. Bisexual leaning to girls.

Hi Tiame

Welcome to Susan's glad you found and hopefully you can find some of the answers you are looking for. Having a supportive partner can make all the difference when you are looking at transition.

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[Sarah_P]

And this is why I worry I come across as corny.

You want corny? One of my favorite anime series (Gurren-Lagann) has a phrase that gets thrown around in various ways throughout it: 'Believe in the you that believes in yourself.'. Taking that to heart actually helped me get through a lot of my depression.

[Izzy Grace]

This is where I run into my own issues posting, as I struggle to phrase what I'm feeling in a way that I don't feel like it sounds stupid, corny, or, even worse, hollow
And you know the great thing about survival? While it's not a guarantee that things will be better, but it allows for the possibility that things will be better. And while I can't speak for anyone else, for me that is what matters most. I spent my teens and twenties hiding from the world, not really living. Even just the possibility of better is everything to me. And best of all you don't have to do anything, you just have to be.

And this is why I worry I come across as corny.

(TL-but-actually-not-long-DR: Basically what Jenny said.)

Did someone say corny? Hold my la croix...

I feel like some of our doubts as MtF women, wherever we fall on the spectrum, are what I would call "old" fears. I feel safe talking to all of you, especially the people I most identify with. We... I have to let these ideas go, maybe more than... No, DEFINITELY more than I need to worry about my body.

Have you ever seen Hitchikers Guide? When they have the Point of View gun that makes anyone you shoot with it see and feel your point of view? She keeps shooting Zaphod with it, while he verbally says how she feels? He finally gets it from her and goes to shoot her and she says, it wont work on me, I'm already a woman.

I don't believe in corny as corny anymore. I'm sorry, not sorry but... that's how cis-men trivialize women. It's why we're so especially hated. It terrifies cis-men to think a "man" could "turn into" a woman. All their insults are female shaming. The weakest most shameful thing a "man" can be to a cis-man, is a woman. I dont hate cis-men or their gender. I'm just done supporting their paradigm as it stands today.

Your feelings, when I read them, I know them. I havent read a thing on here that I dont know in my heart just as if I felt it. I feel the knots and wrenching of the painful posts and the giddyness of the silly posts and the warmth of the joyous posts. The needs, the wants, and all the heart flowing here and all the damage too.

I think you do too.

I dont care if we like each other or not. Any one of you might find me annoying, but you are my sisters and I love all of you. I love the FtM people too! But. I'd be lying though if I didnt say I had a special affinity for my fellow female spectrum people. I'll do whatever I can to help and support, I will hold you up any way I can. Your feelings are NEVER corny, NEVER stupid, NEVER anything short of utterly valuable.

[Anne Blake]

I have no fears of posting when it has to do with facts or experiential truths, taking the opportunity to help someone. My problems or fears of posting comes in when I feel hurting and needy. I then feel too unworthy and not of enough value to bother my brothers and sisters on the site. I realize that this is residual tarnish from my old life and it's inherent self worth issues but it is still the case. That is when I just want to crawl into a hole and cry.

[JennyBear]

I have no fears of posting when it has to do with facts or experiential truths, taking the opportunity to help someone. My problems or fears of posting comes in when I feel hurting and needy. I then feel too unworthy and not of enough value to bother my brothers and sisters on the site. I realize that this is residual tarnish from my old life and it's inherent self worth issues but it is still the case. That is when I just want to crawl into a hole and cry.

    Yes I know from experience that asking for help can be depressing, because then you have to admit to yourself that you can't handle your problems on your own. Took me decades and having kids before I asked for help for anything, other than moving furniture, lol. As to worthiness, see my earlier post. Your concerns, worries, problems and emotions are valid and worth because they are HUMAN emotions. Heck, I feel guilty and unworthy since I don't yet have the budget to donate to the site. So I try to make up for it from helping as much as possible. Some of us get a sense of satisfaction, usefulness and purpose when we have helped others. Sharing your problems brings us closer together, and can help others, not just through letting them know there are others suffering too, but by providing an opportunity for them to give back. That's kinda the point of this site, to help those in need. Asking for help from those that truly care is never a burden.

HUGS!