Decreased sexual function on HRT

[LaRell]

Okay.....So as I've posted before.  I am married to a beautiful loving woman who is an amazing supporter of me and what I'm going through.  She knows that this is real, and is something I have to do.  And she has continued to stand by my side and has expressed a desire for us to figure out how to maintain our relationship through this transition, and how to maintain a sexual connection when my penis went away.  We both knew that eventually, my penis was going to stop working, and then eventually be gone completely.

  However, maybe it snuck up on us a bit faster than we were prepared for.  A couple weeks ago my endocrinologist had me double my dose of Spironolactone.  And about that same time, Mr. Winky has gotten smaller, and although he still gets hard and erect, it is definitely not as hard or long as it used to be.  Which leaves my wife feeling far less pleasure, and she is now not able to reach orgasm anymore from it.  And she is taking it extremely hard.  It's hard for me too to lose that sexual connection to her that we once had, but at the same time, like my therapist said, it just plain doesn't feel right for me to have sex with a penis anyway.  So although I love her to death, and miss the sexual connection to her, it is not that big of a loss for me because of my being trans.  To me, I would far rather be happy the rest of the time her and I are out and about living life, and sacrifice that particular method of sexual connection, rather than maintaining that sexual connection and being sad and miserable having to live as a man the rest of the time.

  So anyway..........my point for this post.....  Another transwoman the other day mentioned that it was possible to take testosterone or something in order to maintain your ability to use your penis right up until you have the surgery.  And my wife heard this, and now wants me to explore anything I can do to accomplish that so that we can still have sex right up until the time I have the surgery.  But this idea scares me so bad.  It scares me to think of doing anything that could possibly disrupt the effects of the HRT.  I love the progress I am having on it, and the changes are so slow as it is, I hate the thought of making that last any longer in an attempt to maintain sexual function of my penis.  I already have had to take viagra in order to make things work for well over a year now, but now the viagra is no longer working either.  Is there something I can do to make the penis continue working good without hindering the other effects of the HRT?

  If there is a way for me to maintain that sexual connection to her when it is so important for us, while still making the same progress in this transition, then that would be awesome!  I personally am happy to see my penis shrinking in defeat since I have never felt right about it being there anyway.  And to me it is a wonderful thing and progress toward my goal of being rid of it completely.  But I do very much love my wife, and feel absolutely terrible since sex is so important to her.  It's important to me too, just not in the same way it is to her.  So it's quite a terrible position to be in.

[Courtney.lane408]

You need some toys. You can still sexually satisfy her without directly doing it with your penis. Its completely fair for her to have sexual needs and you should try and fill those as her partner. It is unfair for her to say that has to be done with your penis. If a toy isn't good enough for her than this isn't really about the physical feeling and she needs to face whatever hold ups she has. Delaying the inevitable just to hold onto the connection at your expense is not fair to you. Think if the situation was reversed. How would you treat her?


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[Dena]

Mostly it comes to adjusting your testosterone levels. Your doctor most likely would adjust your Spiro levels however gel or patches could be used instead. Naturally it's possible some the dysphoria you once felt could return so this is a decision that you would have to make.

[RobynD]

In addition to exploring the hormone levels, and looking at alternate ways to have fulfilling sex, i'd also talk with the doctor about other ED meds as well. You may be react better to them then the big V.

Ultimately you both knew it was coming but so fast..? Totally get that emotion. When mine went away it dropped off the cliff and shrinkage has been more than expected too. Communicate often about it and help her get creative as she can be in getting that fulfillment.

[Julia1996]

But doesn't taking testosterone defeat the purpose of transitioning?

[kelly_aus]

But doesn't taking testosterone defeat the purpose of transitioning?

Not in the small doses used in this situation..

[Drexy/Drex]

I, m pretty  sure you can take a small amount  of test and be okay but it would be best to use injection  so that you can control exactly  how much you use ideally using a type of testosterone  with short half life would be ideal
such as masteron Propionate or  testosterone  Propionate the former is what female body builders
use to avoid masculisation both of them only last a couple of days before they are out of your system
myself I am non binary  and am transitioning.... I don't have to take Spiro because my t levels were already low due to a long term of male Hrt I think it's a mistake to eradicate   all test as even cis woman  produce it naturally
I was a bit shocked at the rapidity of sex desire drop off and though things still work downstairs  I wish to remain intact so I will explore the use of exogenous  testosterone  to  keep things ticking over albeit at a  slow level
Hope this helps

[KayXo]

Reducing your anti-androgen and/or taking estrogen transdermally would be best to keep things working instead of adding testosterone since the testes are still present. If the testes happen to be dysfunctional and don't start producing more after adjusting HRT, then yes, you can add a tiny amount of testosterone, in the form of cream or gel (as I do, I'm post-op). You need to discuss this with your doctor.

One anti-androgen that seems to have much less effect on impotence, erectile function and libido is BICALUTAMIDE. It only blocks androgens but does not reduce (increases it when taken alone, without estrogen) LH/FSH production. So, that is another option. To take this anti-androgen with a small dose of estrogen taken transdermally (gel/patch).