Today, I came out to my wife

[Izzy Grace]

This is NOT what I discussed in therapy. This is not what I imagined. I thought maybe 5 years from now.

What I did was rapidly escalate a conversation in which my wife claimed you can never keep anything from someone for any reason and I kept escalating the level of overtones and subject matter until I turned to her and just blurted it out. I said," ok, well I'm transgendered".

This is me. I trapped myself and sabotaged so I would have to face it instead of being cowardly.

She said, "Wait. What?" And I reiterated it. "I am a transgendered person" and then I began crying and I was barfing out all these years of repression, lies, events, feelings, and dysphoria. She just calmly hugged me and told me we were gonna be fine, that she always knew there was something going on. She admitted that when we met she thought I was probably bi and worried I would eventually come out as a gay man.

There was a lot of discussion about me not leaving to which I was crying saying all I care about is YOU not leaving. "Are you gay now." To which I responded, "Well, yes I am now." She thought I meant for other men and I meant for women. We cleared thast up quickly though.

This is a miracle. 
Apparently now, she is going to buy my "supplies" for me and help me learn.

I am so thankful, so happy, so relieved. I'm also scared. Now I can at least live part time, I have other factors preventing me from full time, but this solved so many little issues and gave me avenues to things I need to feel okay, to feel normal, and to discover freely the true me.

My parents are a no go. That will never happen, but thats ok. I have to do me now.

sigh of relief  :icon_

[Roll]

That is extremely exciting news!! Looks like you are one of the lucky jackpot winners. I've been on the verge of blurting it out with family a few times, but never even had that heat of the moment courage.

[JillianC]

Congratulations.  That is a HUGE first step.

Good luck on your journey

[Elli.P]

It sounds like it went very well considering you hadn't really prepared for the conversation. I don't recommend taking that approach with others you tell.
A word of caution, all you have done is told her and gotten initial acceptance from her. But she will need time to process what you have told her. I can only speak from my experience with my wife. Mine was initially accepting but then she struggled the more she thought about it. Its now 2 years after our talk and there are times she still has a hard time.
Milestones always were hard for her. By milestones I mean telling family, accomplishing transitioning steps etc. Our last difficult time was caused by me coming out at work.
She will need time to process and will have ups and downs. I am so happy for you! You've taken a giant step.

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[Colleen_definitely]

Awesome.

I also thought my coming out to my girlfriend would crash and burn but it ended up kind of like yours.  Keep her happy because she'll be your best ally and greatest resource moving forward.

[Laurie]

Hi Katie,

  Just a little bit of a rough way to do it but it sure sounds like the initial results are positive. I pray things continue to be good for you and your wife.

[Paige]

Hi Katie,

Amazing.  You're lucky to have such a wonderful wife.  You need to buy that women some flowers or something.

Paige

[Izzy Grace]

First of all! Thank you! Everybody, I just felt like a little "Yay time" after so much hand wringing and fear was okay on this one step in such a big journey.

However, I know its not good for everyone. If anyone reading this had a bad time coming out.
I'm so sorry. You deserve better. You deserve to be accepted. We all do. Never forget it.

It sounds like it went very well considering you hadn't really prepared for the conversation. I don't recommend taking that approach with others you tell.

Indeed. Please, anyone who reads this. DO NOT DO WHAT I DID! This was an incredibly risky and dangerous thing to do and I didn't know what would happen. The consequences could have been terrible. She could have reacted the exact opposite way. Outed me to everyone. As transgendered people, it could cost you everything. I acted extremely recklessly and it could have easily not went well.

A word of caution, all you have done is told her and gotten initial acceptance from her. But she will need time to process what you have told her. I can only speak from my experience with my wife. Mine was initially accepting but then she struggled the more she thought about it. Its now 2 years after our talk and there are times she still has a hard time.

You're right. I realized afterward how reckless I was, once the overt joy and relief passed, heh. She had no idea. However, one of the big things was it turns out our child is experiencing being unsure about her sexuality and gender, feeling quite androgynous/nonbinary and finding all identities attractive sexually and romantically at times but they didnt know how to tell me or how I would react.  Ironic, right?

Awesome.

I also thought my coming out to my girlfriend would crash and burn but it ended up kind of like yours.  Keep her happy because she'll be your best ally and greatest resource moving forward.

I know this is just one of the huge steps I'm going to eventually take, because I'm pretty sure I know where I am headed down this road. Your absolutely right, ans I absolutely plan to.

I cant stress how much all of you and the words you say to me help, support and help teach me. I love you all! You bring me to tears everyday with the incredible things you say to me and other girls here.

[Colleen_definitely]

It feels pretty great watching other people take the same step I did not so many months ago.

[amberwaves]

I was really reckless about it to, but I tell my wife everything.  I strongly suspected she would be okay with it.  As far as transitioning going slowly is good advice.  Even my wife who was super amazingly supportive needed some gradual adjustment to the new reality.  So happy for you!

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[Devlyn]

Katie, big hug for a really big step! As has been mentioned, this will evolve and further adjustments may be required. But yays! I'm really happy for you. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Charlie Nicki]

Congrats! Big step and so glad she will support you. As others said, she might have a change of heart later so make sure her expectations and needs are taken into account as well.

[KatieFox1202]

Heyy Katie!

Well done, that's amazing and it's even better that she reacted the way she did, your a really lucky person!

When i read it it reminded me of something that happened to me a few months ago that could have ruined my life!

I was on a Social media platform called Discord on a server that i am moderator on  and every time someone asked me how i was i would say something along the lines of could be better or depressed or something like that..
One of the other moderators, well head mod, decided they would start an argument with me to annoy me, starting with "do you even know what depression is?"

I'm not going to go through all of it as this is a reply not a form but it ended up getting to the point where i shouted, well in caps, "I'm trans, my brain and body don't match.."

I instantly deleted the message realizing how devastating it could have been and only a few people saw it thankfully but when i read yours it reminded me of then and i wanted to share it for some reason

Anyways, congratulations on coming out to your wife!

Hope it all stays good!

Hugs
Katie (I love your name btw )

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[Izzy Grace]

Katie, big hug for a really big step! As has been mentioned, this will evolve and further adjustments may be required. But yays! I'm really happy for you. 

Congrats! Big step and so glad she will support you. As others said, she might have a change of heart later so make sure her expectations and needs are taken into account as well.

Well, her one fear, which she expressed pretty quickly, was that I would now sexually be a straight woman wanting sexual/romantic encounters with men. I don't see changing. When I was younger I healthily experimented with male to male sexuality a number of times and it just never took at all. I was attracted to females, though my encounters were of course colored by my transgendered status.

It feels pretty great watching other people take the same step I did not so many months ago.

It feels absolutely incredible. It was as big as when i finally realized and basically came out to myself. I could see parents being big too. Work? Not the same kind of big. Friends? I dont know. I dont have that many so i could lose them if its between that and authenticity. Work and parents are a wash. Community is a wash. So now its just building a stronger foundation for our future with this new truth within it.

I was on a Social media platform called Discord on a server that i am moderator on  and every time someone asked me how i was i would say something along the lines of could be better or depressed or something like that..
One of the other moderators, well head mod, decided they would start an argument with me to annoy me, starting with "do you even know what depression is?"

I'm not going to go through all of it as this is a reply not a form but it ended up getting to the point where i shouted, well in caps, "I'm trans, my brain and body don't match.."

I instantly deleted the message realizing how devastating it could have been and only a few people saw it thankfully but when i read yours it reminded me of then and i wanted to share it for some reason

Hugs
Katie (I love your name btw )

I've joined discord before as its a popular choice for radicals wanting to escape FB, but I never took to it heavily because people just dont seem to be willing to make the switch but... OMG! That sounds horrible. I can't imagine the immediate panic. Thank god they even had the option to delete at all! A lot of the times places dont.

Yeah. I'm wishy washy on a name right yet. Katie was just a placeholder. It's a long silly story but it was something I already had an email for basically. I told my wife it would mean a lot to me, that I would be honored if we explored names together.

[Tasha_]

That is amazing!!! It is always so bard to do!!! I considered telling my wife for years before casually mentioning while drinking.... I thought she must know something anyway,  I might as well be open to her.... But she had no idea... She was super supportive and helped me get the nerve to go out in public... And shop for myself.... Now, we are in a lesbian relationship.... It is always great to hear similar stories!!!! I am very happy for you!!! Its not always an easy journey, but it's always worth it!!!

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[Izzy Grace]

That is amazing!!! It is always so bard to do!!! I considered telling my wife for years before casually mentioning while drinking.... I thought she must know something anyway,  I might as well be open to her.... But she had no idea... She was super supportive and helped me get the nerve to go out in public... And shop for myself.... Now, we are in a lesbian relationship.... It is always great to hear similar stories!!!! I am very happy for you!!! Its not always an easy journey, but it's always worth it!!!

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It sounds like you and I both took a big dive, thinking we had a good chance, and came out lucky! It's been tough. She's here for me and supportive but also experiencing loss I think. I dont know if she will ever be able to consider or try anything more than a new kind of platonic. We'll just have to see what the years bring.

Either way its a journey indeed. I'm struggling right now, I've not been out along time to her or myself so i am still in the initial bloom trying to figure out how to dissolve repression and release her from that jail and find out who I really am... to find authentic me.

[Tasha_]

It sounds like you and I both took a big dive, thinking we had a good chance, and came out lucky! It's been tough. She's here for me and supportive but also experiencing loss I think. I dont know if she will ever be able to consider or try anything more than a new kind of platonic. We'll just have to see what the years bring.

Either way its a journey indeed. I'm struggling right now, I've not been out along time to her or myself so i am still in the initial bloom trying to figure out how to dissolve repression and release her from that jail and find out who I really am... to find authentic me.

All I can say is it took me over a year to fully embrace myself, and my wife took every bit as long... Always remember you're transitioning together and she needs time and space to adjust as well...

With that bit,  congratulations, stay strong, and enjoy every second!!!


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[natalie.ashlyne]

Congratulations  that is great. Wish it would go that well for everyone

[amberwaves]

Either way its a journey indeed. I'm struggling right now, I've not been out along time to her or myself so i am still in the initial bloom trying to figure out how to dissolve repression and release her from that jail and find out who I really am... to find authentic me.

Don't worry you will figure it out!  You have the whole rest of your life to do so.  I fell into things relatively quickly, but that doesn't mean I have changed and evolved since.  I am constantly finding new things out about myself and how I interact with the world.  Some are easier to adjust to than others.

It took my wife a few months to get used to me presenting feminine and a few more for makeup.  Then it took about 6-9 months on hormones before she stopped seeing me as a guy entirely (I sheepishly admit that she has been better at this one than me). 

The thing is, you are still you.  You are just learning how to be the you that you want to be.  It's a weird process sometimes.  It's a shame we missed the teenage years where it's much more okay to experiment freely.  Have faith and remember you are just a caterpillar metamorphosing into a beautiful, authentic butterfly.

Amber

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[Another Nikki]

Another congrats, and another word of caution to take it slow.  Mine was aware of and fine with cd'ing in the bedroom, but kinda freaked when i came out of denial and told her i was tg.  there were times she was ok with talking about it, and times when she was mad or sad or whatever.  but now, 18 months later, she is supportive and thinks she will be if i transition.  part of the reason why is i took things very slow, and purposefully did very little for a year or so.  ymmv, but i suggest giving her time and very occasionally only bring up trans stuff.  good luck!!!!