One Month On HRT!![emoji178]

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

I'm so happy, I just had to share! I've been on HRT for one month! [emoji1] Despite being disowned & dishomed by my mom for coming out, it's been the happiest month of my life, and I stand by my decision!! If I'd known what would happen, I wouldn't change a thing!

Some rather dramatic changes have already begun to occur, much sooner than I expected! My breast buds (which never went away after puberty) have gotten larger, & some breast tissue has begun forming around them! I know it's not just fat cuz it's different... It's, um... jigglier, I guess, lol... And DEAR GOD THEY'RE SENSITIVE!! My skin & hair are softer, & I haven't had to remove what little body/facial hair I have as often. Something is DEFINITELY more feminine about my face, too, but I can't quite put my finger on what it is... It's more than just a healthier complexion & a glow of happiness, tho I definitely have that too! Surprisingly, tho, the change that excites me the most is the shrinkage/loss of function of my man parts. Random erections were already a rarity for me (another lovely side effect of methadone), & now it hasn't stirred in almost 2 wks!! I mean, I've always hated them... well, that's a bit of an understatement; before HRT I even went so far as to avoid showering so I didn't have to see/touch them... but I didn't expect this to make me so happy. I think it's cuz I know that this is the beginning of the end of having male genitalia.

I'm also wicked happy cuz I've begun presenting too, also way earlier than I expected... & for the most part, I'VE BEEN PASSING!! I just wish I had hair, have had to wear a hat/hood... I buzzed it as a man cuz it's really thick & wavy, impossible to do anything w/, but it will be fabulous for feminine styles... If it ever grows! Does head hair growth slow down too, like body hair? I wouldn't think so; but I used to buzz it once a month or it'd start looking unkempt, & it's been a month & a half & it still seems very short...

Lastly, I have a job interview today for a snowmaking position! Sounds like I'm pretty likely to get it, but I'm not going to assume. Hopefully... I need $ bad. This homeless thing is for the birds. Luckily I start my volunteer position @ the local shelter tomorrow, so that'll give me some sort of purpose when I wake up.

I just wanted to say thanks to you all, you are the most amazing, beautiful people I've ever had the pleasure of interacting w/. I can't imagine trying to transition without Susan's or any of you!
Much love, Jessi [emoji178]

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[Allison S]

That's great! I'm 2 weeks on hrt now so I'm right behind you. Also growing my hair out and it's still very short I think my last hair cut was in July.. everyone's hair grows at different rates but I'm thinking in 1 year it'll be long enough that I can style it hopefully.  Maybe before 1 year/next summer I can do something with it.  I just started taking vitamins to help it grow.  It's a lot of work and takes so much patience. 

[Dena]

Hair tend to grow between half and three quarters of an inch a month. My hair has always grown like a weed and I didn't notice any difference in growth from before however the longer it gets, the less noticeable the growth is. I also started with a shorter haircut and in order to get some RLE in, I purchased a better quality wig that I used for a few months while my hair grew out. Anybody need a once washed light brown 35 year old wig?   

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

Right here Dena! Dibs! Lol! I bought a cheap-ass Halloween wig but it's already tangled to uselessness... I did get a few uses out of it tho...

Nice dist123!! Vitamins are a good idea, I'll have to look into that. You're right, patience is key; not just for hair, but for transitioning in general... That being said, I've been as patient as i can, but I can't live this... lie... anymore. Not only that but I need to get off methadone & I won't feel ready for that til I'm able to be myself; so, hair or no, I'm going to start living as female as soon as I have an income again... As soon as I can afford panties and bras (and bra inserts of course), really... Hopefully by then I'll have enough hair for a pixie cut at least, if not it's a wig or my pink beanie!

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[Allison S]

JessiCalypso I think you're so brave and I respect that! Presenting as female and who we really are is necessary and no one can take that away from us. I'm in between right now and it kind of makes me feel depressed at times. Still, there's so much to do and "fix" in a way. 

I think we have to give ourselves credit for taking on and facing something that many can't or don't. We're a community no matter what and we have to improve our lives no matter the obstacle(s) in our way.

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

JessiCalypso I think you're so brave and I respect that! Presenting as female and who we really are is necessary and no one can take that away from us. I'm in between right now and it kind of makes me feel depressed at times. Still, there's so much to do and "fix" in a way. 

I think we have to give ourselves credit for taking on and facing something that many can't or don't. We're a community no matter what and we have to improve our lives no matter the obstacle(s) in our way.

Aww, thanks! I certainly don't feel brave when I'm presenting, not at all!! I feel like EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT ME, ALL THE TIME, & THEY KNOW!! But if they do nobody has said anything... In fact, I've gotten a few "miss" & "ma'am!"
I felt depressed too when I first started, I didn't expect to be able to pass/present for a while, but things moved much quicker than expected. I hope the anxiety passes quickly too, & is replaced w/ a feeling of normalcy, of "rightness." & I really hope your transition moves along faster than you expected too!

I agree, it's such an unbelievable challenge to attempt to start over & relearn/relive everything we've ever known... I've got to hand it to those that manage to maintain employment & personal/romantic relationships thru their transition... I feel oddly lucky that I lost everything & have to start over, as I can start anew as the person I want to be, w/ comparitively minimal awkwardness. I'm going to write a book (I LOVE/LIVE to write) that is a compilation of many TG people's journeys, & compare the similarities/differences between them. I'm going to post something about it soon. If I can inspire 1 TG person to decide to seek happiness thru transition, or 1 person to understand TG people better & perhaps become an ally, then my "mission" will have been a success!



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[KayXo]

Thanks for sharing Jessi. Just being ourselves, expressing ourselves freely is fulfilling in itself and worth all the chagrins, the fears, the losses, etc. Post-op since 2005, HRT since 2004 and even if this journey has been the most difficult of my life, it's also been the most joyous, by FAR and I have absolutely no regrets...

[Allison S]

KayXo congrats! That's amazing I can't wait to be that far along. I get scared talking to people who have transitioned years ago because I just feel like I'm being annoying.

Jessi that's funny you say that because I have to agree 100% about starting all over. I feel like being in my job right now is the only thing that's holding me back. I can't even begin to understand how it is dealing with being in a relationship/marriage... that always seemed so much harder to leave than a job.

I would definitely buy your book! Even as a kid I loved trans related media, movies, anything! I was always a supporter and I think I knew I was trans but in such deep denial. I don't regret anything in my life though and I know that I learned the (very) hard lessons for a reason...

[JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ]

Thanks for sharing Jessi. Just being ourselves, expressing ourselves freely is fulfilling in itself and worth all the chagrins, the fears, the losses, etc. Post-op since 2005, HRT since 2004 and even if this journey has been the most difficult of my life, it's also been the most joyous, by FAR and I have absolutely no regrets...

I agree 100%! Making the decision to start my journey was the best decision of my life, & i wouldn't change it for anything!! I'm now staying at "A Sacred Place," where some unbelievably kind & giving people help homeless people get back on their feet. A trans man & i are sharing a tiny house, & it's so... PERFECT here!! Everyone is supportive of us, & we can present as our true selves here without fear!! It's done WONDERS for my anxiety! I now spend more time as female than male, & I don't worry when I go out in public as a girl now!! I think I'm getting face muscles from smiling so much!! [emoji23]

I can't wait til my journey has progressed as far as yours has. I am blessed to have amazing insurance. EVERYTHING I want/need as part of my transition is covered. I plan on scheduling my SRS for 9/2018... Its funny, I'm sooo eager for it, & it seems so far away... Like I've waited my whole life for it, & dammit, I want it NOW... But in the same sense, I've waited this long, what's another 11 months? I keep telling myself that, anyway... Lol!

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[KayXo]

  So happy for you! Truly...