Coming out on social media (Facebook)

[Niki2001]

So I'm about six months into my transition, with about four of that on hormones. I definitely look different, and certain areas are developing hard and fast. With some effort, everybody who doesn't know me just assumes I'm a girl. That said, I'd say about 20 people currently know about me being trans and obviously that's a far cry from the 200 or so people I'm connected with on Facebook.
I've been considering changing my profile picture to something that looks more recent, but I've been a little concerned in the back of my mind. The vast majority of my friends are avid supporters, or members, of the LGBTQA community, however there are a few that I remain uncertain about.
I guess my question is this: To those who have come out on a social media platform in some capacity, did you feel any negative changes in relationships because of it? Have any of you received significant backlash from people you were connected with? Or did you find it to be a completely rich experience and lots of people offered their support and love?
Thanks to anyone who reads through and replies, and sorry for being long-winded :p

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. This site is as close to social media as I get so I am not the one to respond to this question. In addition, the internet hadn't been invented yet when I transitioned so this wasn't an issue.  The generic response would be some people will reject you while other will accept you with more accepting than rejecting. There is something to consider and that is if a person rejects you, are they really a friend? The people I have always called my friends were people who are always there for me no matter what. The remainder I consider acquaintances.

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[KathyLauren]

Hi, Niki, and welcome.

When I came out on Facebook, I was fully expecting to lose a 'friend' or two.  Not only did I not lose a single one, but my friends list suddenly increased considerably.  YMMV.  Without exception, my friends have all been supportive.

That mirrors my experience in real life.  I don't pass, but I am treated with respect everywhere, and seldom get misgendered.  By which I mean that most people either know or can guess that I am trans, but treat me as a woman anyway.

I did have some Facebook friend requests rejected, but that was not unexpected and doesn't bother me.  They were former military colleagues.  It would have been fun to re-connect with them, but if they are not up for it, it's their loss.  Certainly no skin off my nose.

[Tammy Jade]

Hi Niki
Welcome to Susan's.

When I came out on Facebook it went really well. Like Kathy said I was expecting it to go badly but all of my close friends have been very supportive.

I have included a link to my post encase you find it helpful, the hardest part for me of coming out on social media was pressing the "post button" and then waiting to see the response.

https://www.facebook.com/tamara.jade.brice/posts/1393723297384588


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[mayatis]

This is something I've been struggling with a lot, lately... Tamara, your post was really helpful. If I may ask, at what point did you decide to come out on Facebook?

[Tammy Jade]

I chose to come out when I started HRT, I had been part time with close friends and family for a few months and had got my ears pierced and started growing a mullet (I was trying to grow my hair out without giving myself away.. what is more male tradie then a mullet) I had started getting my brows done as well and with hindsight I think that was my undoing.

Originally I wanted to hold off coming out as long as possible while trying to rock a look that could be styled to be boy mode at work and girl mode at home.

Apparently I failed and that ended up my main reason for coming out when I did people were starting to notice things and comment on them.

So I mentioned it on this forum & It was suggested to me that "I should try and get out and control my own story and tell it my way, before the rumours spread and it got out of control"

I'm really glad I listened, because I feel like it prevented people from making decisions about how they felt about me based on rumours which never ends well in my experience.


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*edit fixed a few typos ect*

[steph2.0]

I guess my question is this: To those who have come out on a social media platform in some capacity, did you feel any negative changes in relationships because of it? Have any of you received significant backlash from people you were connected with? Or did you find it to be a completely rich experience and lots of people offered their support and love?
Thanks to anyone who reads through and replies, and sorry for being long-winded :p

Hi Niki,

I started HRT almost four months ago, and I came out on Facebook last Friday (yes, the 13th). I went about it kind of roundabout, and the results have been nothing less than astounding. Absolutely no negative feedback at all. I only have about 60 FB friends, but there has been either resounding support and an outpouring of love, or just silence. I haven't actually counted how many haven't responded, but it can't be more than ten. Maybe they don't check in often.

I posted a story about it on my personal thread. I had some fun with it for a few days before I posted my coming out letter and manifesto. My account had been dormant since 2009, so the first few posts raised some eyebrows. Once I posted the letter, I left my old male picture up for a few hours, replaced it with a blurred version for a few hours, replaced that with a blurred version of my female pic for a while, then posted the real me. In the middle of it I changed my name and gender marker. Sort of transitioned the page slowly. Anyway you can read the whole thing here:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,228563.msg2037025.html#msg2037025

It's quite long, but hopefully you'll find it worth it, and maybe find something you can use in it.

Good luck,

Stephanie

[Tommie_9]

I made a splash on Facebook on Friday 13th by posting a photo album with photos of me as the woman I am. I got a great response from a lot of family and friends, some of which already knew, but not all of them. The following day on the 14th I wrote an open letter to everyone and received a great deal of love in return from the people who matter. On one hand it was empowering and wonderful, and on the other hand it weeded out the ones I don't care to have in my life any more. A trans friend of mine then shared one of those thingies you share on Facebook that said, "If you have a problem with me, get over it, because you'll make yourself miserable waiting for me to give a $hit. If you're ready like me to say 'f' it and go for it. Then go for it girl! 

[The Flying Lemur]

Hey, just came out on FB on Saturday the 14th.  Triplets with Steph and Tommie!  Only one, maybe two, weird responses.  Everyone else was incredibly supportive.  I have a couple of hundred FB friends, and furthermore I set my post permissions to public, so I got responses from some people I don't know, too.  I don't doubt that somewhere, someone is thinking ill of me, but at least almost no one posted as much.  Since I don't really care what people say or think behind my back, so long as they're decent to my face, this is terrific. 

I'm lucky enough to live in a pretty liberal bubble, so YMMV.  But it's worth noting that most conservative family and friends were supportive as well. 

[steph2.0]

Triplets with Steph and Tommie!

Yay Tommie and Ben! Excellent.

I had forgotten to mention that my old "male" picture was of Alfred E. Neumann from Mad Magazine, with the "What, me worry?" caption. I hated seeing pictures of my old self anywhere, and didn't want to present them to the public either. Now I'm much happier with myself, even if I've got a looooong way to go...

Steph

[KathyLauren]

Wow, all these people coming out at the same time!  Congratulations to all of you!

[SailorMars1994]

Expect your ''friends'' list to grow. But dont expect them to be your friends. When I came out on face book in feb 2015 I had people I never even talked to or even some who had bullied me add me on fb. We were never friends but it didnt matter, i was a hot flavour of the month so i was added. They had no real intent on being friends, just being noesy at the diferent person. Back then I accepted but now in 2017 my friends list is limited. Main diffences are :

2015 accounts: Full of nosey people, were not true friends, some ''friends'' were the whiney social justice warrior types that would be your ''friend'' until you voiced an opinion.. based on fact and reason that was contradictory to their safe bubble based on their fragility , some back stabbers I was too naive to think were anything else then a friend, ect

2017 account: Friends I have known and grew up with, supportive people I have met through other support sites that I connect with, only a few family members, delete all requests that come from people who were far from friends a long time ago, ect. I am more restricitve now.

In otherwords.... still use common sense and safety protocols while out on fb. Treat it the same way you always have, but with a great joy of doing so as your self. A change in profile picture is a great way to get the message across. But be safe and be sure to weed out haters or those who could be dangerous.

[Niki2001]

Thank you everyone for all of your input! I'm happy to say that I went through with it yesterday and the response has been everything I hoped it would be. Sure, there are a few names who are conspicuously absent (some friends, some family), but the vast majority have been nothing but supportive and excited. It's even reconnected me with some people who I've missed dearly. So yeah...it's been great and thanks again

[The Flying Lemur]

That's fantastic!  As old Ben Kenobi once said, "You've taken your first step into a larger world."

[Kylo]

I didn't make a specific post to come out on Fb but a discussion on there led to me mentioning I was transitioning. What followed was a discussion involving several of my friends who spotted it, and none of it was negative, in fact I found out most of them already knew at least one transsexual and none of these friends were trans themselves. The knowledge of it spread out from there as most of my friends there are mutual with each other and part of an online forum community for 12+ years. All family members friended on there are aware, probably through my mother (who isn't on Fb).

Only one person asked me why I'd put my gender on there as male and asked about it. That person was a peripheral acquaintance at best and he said nothing more after. This person had made a few passing overtures to me in the past so I'm not really surprised they noticed.

There was no backlash as such from anyone really. One person on there I'd been friends with for years struggled with it slightly, in the sense of asking some questions in a private chat, and again this person also had a crush on me in the past which had not been returned and I found he was more nursing a wound about that, and not really this new knowledge. So I'm not surprised. He disappeared for a while, then came back and started talking again, apologized for being out of contact for a while, which was generally his way anyway.

I've not had a negative experience with it being known on Facebook, but then, I don't have school acquaintances, all family, etc. on there as friends. I only befriend those on there who I call actual "friends", so I don't have to worry about the potential backlash from, say, an elderly Catholic relative I have or something like that. I know most people have a plethora of Fb "friends" who are not necessarily actual friends, and feel they have to watch what they say on there because of it. I don't really have that problem.

[Yakayla]

I just came out on facebook 3 days ago. Actually only 2 people in real life knew about me being transgender. I'm 32, so no time like now. I haven't gone through any Hrt. So it's probable very confusing to some. I was worried that I would get a lot of hate messages from people that used to go to my school. It was a very anti anything not christian or white environment. I was super scared, but I did it and started freaking out and crying. Then when of my old co-workers who is kind of guy's guy liked my post. I instantly felt a ton of relief. Then I started getting comments from people that I haven't talked to in years all saying they were happy for me and support me. Even though I hide this from everyone for so long. I even got back in touch with a friend I haven't talked to for 14 years because of it. I didn't worry after this about if friends would drop me or not. You get a clear of people that will care about you. And that's what's most important. After that I talked to my mom and my sister for a total of six hours, but wanting me transition. I never even brought up whether I wanted to or not. If you feel like it something you want to do. Just do it. We shouldn't have to hide from anyone. And you'll gain some more people in your life to support you.