Why afraid to post on Susan's?

[K3lly]

My low post count is likely for two main reasons.  One, I am an introvert, in all social situations I weigh whether what I am about to say has any worth to the people who will hear it.  Two, on many of the topics discussed on this site I have no frame of reference to say anything of use.  I know I am a woman, but I am too scared to do anything about it.  I am terrified of all of the changes this would bring to my life, and all the people it would hurt.  So everyday I suffer through this male existence.  Since I won't act I have no experience to give to people.

But there is a wealth of experience, strength, and support on this site, and I find it invaluable for that.  And just being a member here, seeing myself logged in as Kelly, gives me a moment of peace because I do exist somewhere.

[HappyMoni]

Hi Kelly,
   Thank you for posting this. I do very much relate to what you said. I was in the place where you are in now for a very long time. It is incredibly hard to deal with. I think it does help to be at a place where people understand. You can vent to me any time and I will only consider you to be Kelly. 
Moni

[aaajjj55]

My low post count is likely for two main reasons.  One, I am an introvert, in all social situations I weigh whether what I am about to say has any worth to the people who will hear it.  Two, on many of the topics discussed on this site I have no frame of reference to say anything of use.  I know I am a woman, but I am too scared to do anything about it.  I am terrified of all of the changes this would bring to my life, and all the people it would hurt.  So everyday I suffer through this male existence.  Since I won't act I have no experience to give to people.

But there is a wealth of experience, strength, and support on this site, and I find it invaluable for that.  And just being a member here, seeing myself logged in as Kelly, gives me a moment of peace because I do exist somewhere.

Kelly, I don't think you realise how valuable your views are.  Of course, many members of this community are taking steps to transition to a greater or lesser extent but many of us, me included, are not.  As was mentioned earlier in this thread, there's sometimes a tendency for postings from the non-transitioners to be met with something along the lines of 'it's only a matter of time before the urge to transition will overwhelm you'.  However, far more useful to me is a post from someone who says 'I'm going through the same due to family/fear/uncertainty etc. and this is how I'm coping (or not coping)'.  I have learned so much about myself from reaching out to others in this community and, whilst the GD has not, and will never, go away being a part of this helps me cope with the pressures that it carries.

So get posting - we'd love to hear your views!

[Jazmynne]

Hello all, one reason I don't post to often is I have a terrible time getting my thoughts into words. A lot of the things Kelly just posted fits me as well. In social settings I am quite quiet because most often what I say comes out wrong I guess. When I joined susans I never figured to transition because of the hurt it would cause my wife and children so I just do small things to feel feminine. And yes it is a big help to read about others transitions but also makes me wish for more. As my dysphoria is most prevalent in the morning I can usually deal with till it passes. I have not come out to my wife  because I am to scared to for the hurt it would cause her. One other reason I don't post very often is I have suffered from low self esteem all my life and still do so I just usually say to myself what I have to say wouldn t matter anyway which I am sure that probalbly isn't the case but that is the way my mind works. 
   Thank you Moni for asking this question and your input to this forum is important plus you look very good in your avatar.
    hopefully this alldoesnt sound and read stupid as that is usually how it reads back to me when I post it. another reason .
  Just a side note not on topic but I did my eyelashes this morning, I definitely like the look of that         

[Steph Eigen]

Kelly,

You write:

"I am an introvert, in all social situations I weigh whether what I am about to say has any worth to the people who will hear it."

What a wonderful thing.  I wish I could have all my students learn to write with this as the central driver in their writing!  When writing, surprisingly few realize they are writing for the purpose of having a reader read their writing, in service to the reader not the writer.  This is not an inherently introverted trait, it is the nature of being a good writer.

That said, the forum environment is different.  There rules are different.  Write what you need to write when you are struggling or have need for catharsis.  We all understand the need and want to help.  If you have a thought that may be constructive or offer an insight that has not been offered, please write a reply.  All of us are students here, differing only by level of experience.   We all benefit from the collective wisdom of the entire membership.

[C. Raine]

Forgive me just haven't had much worth chatting about! Is it intimidating? I suppose to certain degree it can be.

Sent from my LG-H872 using Tapatalk

[HappyMoni]

Hello all, one reason I don't post to often is I have a terrible time getting my thoughts into words. A lot of the things Kelly just posted fits me as well. In social settings I am quite quiet because most often what I say comes out wrong I guess. When I joined susans I never figured to transition because of the hurt it would cause my wife and children so I just do small things to feel feminine. And yes it is a big help to read about others transitions but also makes me wish for more. As my dysphoria is most prevalent in the morning I can usually deal with till it passes. I have not come out to my wife  because I am to scared to for the hurt it would cause her. One other reason I don't post very often is I have suffered from low self esteem all my life and still do so I just usually say to myself what I have to say wouldn t matter anyway which I am sure that probalbly isn't the case but that is the way my mind works. 
   Thank you Moni for asking this question and your input to this forum is important plus you look very good in your avatar.
    hopefully this alldoesnt sound and read stupid as that is usually how it reads back to me when I post it. another reason .
  Just a side note not on topic but I did my eyelashes this morning, I definitely like the look of that       

Jazmynne,
   I thought this was an excellent post. It was honest. I could feel the emotion driving what you were saying. I think the important thing is that maybe you feel better for having expressed your thoughts or perhaps you helped someone else when they read it.
    In my time here on Susan's, I have seen all sorts of situations. I have friends who are full transitioners, partial transitioners, friends who have decided they can do nothing because of the consequences, intersex friends, friends with Tourrette's or Autism. So many different people with different reactions. Everyone deserves to speak, be heard, and hopefully find support. I really hope this thread encourages a few folks to think about speaking up if they are in need of support or want to vent some frustration. Please don't sit there alone, hurting.
Moni
   By the way Jazymnne, thank you for your kind words, and may I compliment you on your fine taste in avatars. (lol, oh seriously, lol) Congrats on the lashes. I did that once and it was a disaster. Maybe you could talk me through it.

[MareldaRavyn]

Hi everyone!
So I "lurk" everywhere online, not just on Susan's. My trans wife Tammy posts a fair bit and it's great for her to have support.
The main reason I don't post is, as an SO to a mtf, and as a closeted lesbian (to the rest of the world) her transition has been great for our relationship. I married her pre transition (I didn't know about it) because I love who she is, and we're a great couple. She's my best friend, and now she's becoming a sexy woman, things are pretty good with us
So the SO thread is pretty quiet, and it seems to be a support for SO's who are struggling with their partners transition, which doesn't seem to be the right place for me to talk about how good my life is. Someone who is struggling with this might think I'm slapping them in the face with my 'perfect' relationship, and that's not going to encourage someone who's already nervous about posting to open up. So I've stayed pretty quiet.
I've read a lot on other threads, and that's been helpful, but I don't really feel comfortable posting as I don't really fit in anywhere.
I actually wrote something to post 2 days ago but I couldn't get the wording to sound right. I was wondering how many other SO's are out here feeling the same way I do and not posting about it for the same reasons?

So that's me,
Serial Lurker
Closeted Lesbian
Hufflepuff


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[rmaddy]

So the SO thread is pretty quiet, and it seems to be a support for SO's who are struggling with their partners transition, which doesn't seem to be the right place for me to talk about how good my life is. Someone who is struggling with this might think I'm slapping them in the face with my 'perfect' relationship, and that's not going to encourage someone who's already nervous about posting to open up.

Your experience is one of the drops of which the ocean consists.  In your first paragraph, you didn't say that you had a perfect relationship or belittle anyone else's experience.  You just said "we're a great couple."  Not all couples survive transition, and SO's often face a bunch of really crappy choices, but I would think that some of them might take some comfort in the idea that one SO ended up rather happy.  My guess is you're not the "slapping them in the face" sort...

[Another Nikki]

I probably should post more.  When i first got honest with myself, I posted quite a bit on another board, which helped me organize my thoughts and work out roughly where I was at in my adventures in genderland.  after about a year I had kinda ru out of topics to post about, but now I'm struggling with a few things things some unbiased others might be able to help with.  I do really like the vibe here, though i will say there seems to be less continuity of members.  At the other board there's 20 or so regulars and I can tell who is posting without looking at the name or avatar.

[JennyBear]

I probably should post more.  When i first got honest with myself, I posted quite a bit on another board, which helped me organize my thoughts and work out roughly where I was at in my adventures in genderland.  after about a year I had kinda ru out of topics to post about, but now I'm struggling with a few things things some unbiased others might be able to help with.  I do really like the vibe here, though i will say there seems to be less continuity of members.  At the other board there's 20 or so regulars and I can tell who is posting without looking at the name or avatar.

First and foremost, welcome to the family,

    The lack of continuity may very well be due to the nature of a trans forum. Once someone has dealt with all of their issues, they may not see posting here regularly as a necessity and prioritize other things that take up their time. There is a fairly large portion of the transgender community, that once post-op, no longer considers themselves transgender in any way, and would have very mixed feelings about posting here. As I seem to have a strong mommy/nanny instinct, (according to wife and kids,) and it's getting stronger the longer I'm on HRT, I will probably stay a regular. Though I'm not sure I'll always be able to average 15 posts a day.

HUGS!

[SadieBlake]

Hi everyone!
So I "lurk" everywhere online, not just on Susan's. My trans wife Tammy posts a fair bit and it's great for her to have support.
The main reason I don't post is, as an SO to a mtf, and as a closeted lesbian (to the rest of the world) her transition has been great for our relationship. I married her pre transition (I didn't know about it) because I love who she is, and we're a great couple. She's my best friend, and now she's becoming a sexy woman, things are pretty good with us
So the SO thread is pretty quiet, and it seems to be a support for SO's who are struggling with their partners transition, which doesn't seem to be the right place for me to talk about how good my life is. Someone who is struggling with this might think I'm slapping them in the face with my 'perfect' relationship, and that's not going to encourage someone who's already nervous about posting to open up. So I've stayed pretty quiet.
I've read a lot on other threads, and that's been helpful, but I don't really feel comfortable posting as I don't really fit in anywhere.
I actually wrote something to post 2 days ago but I couldn't get the wording to sound right. I was wondering how many other SO's are out here feeling the same way I do and not posting about it for the same reasons?

So that's me,
Serial Lurker
Closeted Lesbian
Hufflepuff

Ravenclaw here :-)

There are occasional happy posts in the SO forum, but you're right that areas is a pretty good reflection of the observation that most trans people here have reluctant partners. And all the posts in the SO area amount to <1% of the forum traffic as a whole.

I'm super glad your relationship is working so well, mine is also and I'm amused that you seem to like the moniker of lesbian, my own partner, while seemingly doing better with sex with a post op chick, still refuses to consider herself as lesbian. Of course she's heavily closeted about all of our sexuality where her family is concerned and I think that's where her mind goes --- what will people think if they know she's involved with a trans woman.

I'm glad you spoke up, best wishes and always happy to hear more about your journey.

[HappyMoni]

Hi everyone!
So I "lurk" everywhere online, not just on Susan's. My trans wife Tammy posts a fair bit and it's great for her to have support.
The main reason I don't post is, as an SO to a mtf, and as a closeted lesbian (to the rest of the world) her transition has been great for our relationship. I married her pre transition (I didn't know about it) because I love who she is, and we're a great couple. She's my best friend, and now she's becoming a sexy woman, things are pretty good with us
So the SO thread is pretty quiet, and it seems to be a support for SO's who are struggling with their partners transition, which doesn't seem to be the right place for me to talk about how good my life is. Someone who is struggling with this might think I'm slapping them in the face with my 'perfect' relationship, and that's not going to encourage someone who's already nervous about posting to open up. So I've stayed pretty quiet.
I've read a lot on other threads, and that's been helpful, but I don't really feel comfortable posting as I don't really fit in anywhere.
I actually wrote something to post 2 days ago but I couldn't get the wording to sound right. I was wondering how many other SO's are out here feeling the same way I do and not posting about it for the same reasons?

So that's me,
Serial Lurker
Closeted Lesbian
Hufflepuff


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Marelda,
   I talked my partner into coming here a while ago. She didn't stay long because she isn't struggling as some others are. I think she had similar feelings to what you describe. I told her of my confusion on my gender in 1977 so there was not any  anger from a secret that could have been kept by me. Well that and she is naturally one of the most flexible, supportive people I have ever met.
Moni

[zirconia]

The main reason I don't write much is that it often takes me ages to give form to what I want to say.

At times some post strikes me somehow, but often I don't know why, and I try to make sense of my thoughts as I write. When I read what I've written, it usually feels too long to me—so I prune out what seems superfluous. By the time I've finished, several others have often replied, and since I don't think my post can really contribute anything additional I delete it... Rinse and repeat.

As for the actual subject of this thread, honestly clause 18 of the site's terms of service does scare me just a little. Please understand that I have full faith in Susan and all site staff, and I guess that the verbiage in it may sadly be the minimum currently necessary in the United States to enable a site owner to safely operate a forum. Even so, the broadness, extent and scope of the rights claimed is so absolutely all-encompassing that it does make me feel somewhat helpless. (Frankly, I avoid e.g. Facebook like the plague for the same reason.)

That said, what prompted my decision to join—and make my first post—was that someone here needed information I could to some extent provide. I guess that as long as I concentrate on the fact that something I write may be useful to someone I can brave it.

[RachClayburn]

I lurked as a guest for a couple weeks, then after signing up, got a case of shyness. Anyone who knows me personally would be surprised at that. I suppose it was trepidation, the old fear of rejection that built that (now crumbling) wall of despair around my gender identity. I'm glad I have posted now, because the responses to my introduction made me shed happy tears. I no longer feel as alone as I once did. 

[MareldaRavyn]

I'm super glad your relationship is working so well, mine is also and I'm amused that you seem to like the moniker of lesbian, my own partner, while seemingly doing better with sex with a post op chick, still refuses to consider herself as lesbian. Of course she's heavily closeted about all of our sexuality where her family is concerned and I think that's where her mind goes --- what will people think if they know she's involved with a trans woman.

I'm glad you spoke up, best wishes and always happy to hear more about your journey.

Hi SadieBlake
It's funny how that happens isn't it?
My mum is the same, she's been in a relationship with a woman for twenty years and still can't use the 'L' word.
Great to hear your relationship is also doing well



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[KathyLauren]

So the SO thread is pretty quiet, and it seems to be a support for SO's who are struggling with their partners transition, which doesn't seem to be the right place for me to talk about how good my life is. Someone who is struggling with this might think I'm slapping them in the face with my 'perfect' relationship, and that's not going to encourage someone who's already nervous about posting to open up. So I've stayed pretty quiet.
I've read a lot on other threads, and that's been helpful, but I don't really feel comfortable posting as I don't really fit in anywhere.

Sometimes it helps people to know that happiness IS possible.  When I was just starting this journey, reading about people who transitioned successfully and were happy was the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.  I am sure that other SOs out there, who are consumed by fears of where their partner's transition will take them can benefit from hearing about the occasional success story.

[Sylvia]

Sometimes it helps people to know that happiness IS possible.  When I was just starting this journey, reading about people who transitioned successfully and were happy was the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.  I am sure that other SOs out there, who are consumed by fears of where their partner's transition will take them can benefit from hearing about the occasional success story.

Sadly, for me, the only way this would be a success story would be if I wake up one morning to find it's all just been a bad dream