My boobs are growing!! (Charlie Nicki's Diary)

[Charlie Nicki]

 @Laurie, thank you.

@Jayne01 both Charlie or Nicki are fine. Maybe I said this already in your thread but I am glad that your wife supports you! It makes all the difference in the world.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Charlie Nicki]

So I've been noticing lately that my hair looks darker and shinier. Am I crazy or can this happen on HRT? My hair is sort of very dark brown but always looks black, except on the light when you can see the brown. Also standing next to a person with raven black hair you can see the difference with my color. But I've noticed that now when the light hits my hair it looks super black and shiny. I really love it but I don't know if I'm imagining things.

Also, last night I had an erotic dream which I think is a big deal since I thought my libido was pretty much dead lol. I guess there's something still there.

[Roll]

So I've been noticing lately that my hair looks darker and shinier. Am I crazy or can this happen on HRT? My hair is sort of very dark brown but always looks black, except on the light when you can see the brown. Also standing next to a person with raven black hair you can see the difference with my color. But I've noticed that now when the light hits my hair it looks super black and shiny. I really love it but I don't know if I'm imagining things.

I've read a few things now that say it can affect hair in a number of ways, so you probably aren't imagining things. May also be if you are taking care of your hair more or something of that nature.

[Charlie Nicki]

Maybe you're right Roll!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Charlie Nicki]

Today is such a good day!! I'm feeling so happy and euphoric. It's Friday and is all good. I posted my Halloween pics a week ago (in femme) and I got so many compliments! It made me so happy even my ex boyfriend told me I looked really pretty and that I was going to be beautiful. It made me smile! I hope this lasts.

Also, my endo upped my dosage but it's split so one day I take a small amount and then the next day a higher one. I've noticed that on the days I take the higher one I am usually in a very good mood. No idea if that is all in my head but this week I've only felt down on my low dosage days.

[Jessica]

Today is such a good day!! I'm feeling so happy and euphoric. It's Friday and is all good. I posted my Halloween pics a week ago (in femme) and I got so many compliments! It made me so happy even my ex boyfriend told me I looked really pretty and that I was going to be beautiful. It made me smile! I hope this lasts.

Also, my endo upped my dosage but it's split so one day I take a small amount and then the next day a higher one. I've noticed that on the days I take the higher one I am usually in a very good mood. No idea if that is all in my head but this week I've only felt down on my low dosage days.

I'm so happy for you.  It's wonderful to get affirmation from your peers! 
As far as your dosing, after I've put on new estradiol patches, I'm in a great mood for a few days.  At the same time my breasts ache and swell.  It's all wonderful!
Hugs, Jessica 👩‍⚖️

[Roll]

I think that is a really good sign you feel better on the higher dosages. You may have been suffering from something as simple as a basic imbalance, which is extremely common and can be very depressive. Maybe as you move forward and things even out to where they should be beyond the starting levels, you will see even more benefit.

[Laurie]

Nicki. It is good to read you had a really good day today. May you have many many more.

[Charlie Nicki]

  Thanks girls! Yes I hope this becomes the norm now.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Charlie Nicki]

I've realized how easy it is for me to cry now. I had a good cry on Saturday because of...my ex. Again. Letting go of him has been hard, and he's still nice to me and he sort of gives me hope. But I feel in a gray zone. I'm just hoping I can forget him soon and find someone who likes me for me.

[Jessica]

I've realized how easy it is for me to cry now. I had a good cry on Saturday because of...my ex. Again. Letting go of him has been hard, and he's still nice to me and he sort of gives me hope. But I feel in a gray zone. I'm just hoping I can forget him soon and find someone who likes me for me.
[/quote

There will be highs and lows especially for girls in the beginning of their transition.  Am I doing the right thing? What if I never pass?  Do my loved ones really support me?  Do I have the courage?..... the list is endless as we are still individual souls and no one is alike.  It's here at Susan's with our collective experience that hold us together.
Hugs and smiles, Jess 💁

[Charlie Nicki]

Thanks Jess.

Another thing I noticed is that some things smell too strong for me now, so strong that it makes me nauseous. For example fried meat and sometimes chicken.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Jessica]

I have noticed that my derrière has gain some contour in the last month.  My running leggings are starting to look good on me.
Smiles, Jess

[Roll]

I've realized how easy it is for me to cry now. I had a good cry on Saturday because of...my ex. Again. Letting go of him has been hard, and he's still nice to me and he sort of gives me hope. But I feel in a gray zone. I'm just hoping I can forget him soon and find someone who likes me for me.

Sorry things have been rough for you. :/ Sometimes it's easier when people are just jerks. Regardless, I do truly believe you will find someone!

And as for the smells, that sounds like my step-mother. I have to plan ahead cooking anything like that around her.

[Charlie Nicki]

And as for the smells, that sounds like my step-mother. I have to plan ahead cooking anything like that around her.

I actually asked my mom if the same thing happened to her when she was pregnant and she said it did.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Charlie Nicki]

I've always read on this site that a lot of girls experience "female envy" when they see cis females and I was convinced I had never felt that. Well I was wrong. Last night while being in a bar I realized that when I check out girls to "admire" their bodies, clothes, etc...I always think "she's so lucky, she's so pretty, she probably doesn't have any problems in her life, I want to look like her". What I thought was "admiration" is actually envy. Not ill-intended or anything, but it's definitely a wish to be like them.

[Jessica]

I've always read on this site that a lot of girls experience "female envy" when they see cis females and I was convinced I had never felt that. Well I was wrong. Last night while being in a bar I realized that when I check out girls to "admire" their bodies, clothes, etc...I always think "she's so lucky, she's so pretty, she probably doesn't have any problems in her life, I want to look like her". What I thought was "admiration" is actually envy. Not ill-intended or anything, but it's definitely a wish to be like them.

I understand what your saying.  It seems since I started hrt I also am envious of the fact that they have learned, since birth, the social knowledge to become women.

[Paige]

I've always read on this site that a lot of girls experience "female envy" when they see cis females and I was convinced I had never felt that. Well I was wrong. Last night while being in a bar I realized that when I check out girls to "admire" their bodies, clothes, etc...I always think "she's so lucky, she's so pretty, she probably doesn't have any problems in her life, I want to look like her". What I thought was "admiration" is actually envy. Not ill-intended or anything, but it's definitely a wish to be like them.

Hi Charlie Nicki,

Well that makes you like a lot of cis-women.  I think it's pretty common for females to envy each other's looks.

Take care,
Paige

[Denise]

I've always read on this site that a lot of girls experience "female envy" when they see cis females and I was convinced I had never felt that. Well I was wrong. Last night while being in a bar I realized that when I check out girls to "admire" their bodies, clothes, etc...I always think "she's so lucky, she's so pretty, she probably doesn't have any problems in her life, I want to look like her". What I thought was "admiration" is actually envy. Not ill-intended or anything, but it's definitely a wish to be like them.

OMG-that envy you speak of was why my life turned 90 degrees and I ended up transitioning.  I got so angry that I wasn't female (or at least appeared as such) that I couldn't control it.  Even my wife said that I didn't have a choice.  So here I am, Denise with 36c breasts, hair down to my shoulder blades wearing heels with pierced ears eating lunch in the window on a busy street in downtown Chicago.

I totally agree about admiring.  The phrase "getting into her pants" was literal for me.  Okay figurative too as I'm only interested in women.

One thing I've discovered is that transition, at least for me, has been one "ah ha" moment after another.

Sent from my LG-H910 using Tapatalk

[Jayne01]

I've always read on this site that a lot of girls experience "female envy" when they see cis females and I was convinced I had never felt that. Well I was wrong. Last night while being in a bar I realized that when I check out girls to "admire" their bodies, clothes, etc...I always think "she's so lucky, she's so pretty, she probably doesn't have any problems in her life, I want to look like her". What I thought was "admiration" is actually envy. Not ill-intended or anything, but it's definitely a wish to be like them.

I feel the same way. I used to think that when I looked at and admired other women, it was in the same way as any other guy. Then I realised that most guys are thinking "I want to be with her" and I was thinking "I want to BE her".

Jayne