Today is my six month anniversary! I have to say that, looking back, time has flown by. Physically all is well. The swelling is down and I am getting a bit better at 'peeing' with out feeling like I am in a shower. I still have a ways to go with this matter!
Dilations - Celebration times! Down to one a day and this is going to be so great. I have had no problems with dilations and actually find the time relaxing, somewhat meditative! I listen to music and/or read. Having flexibility in the timing of the dilation is going to be good.
Sensitivity - I have played around a bit with this and I know that I am sensitive where needed. I have not really done much and I don't know if I will. too depressing. More on that later.
Body hair - I am still shaving chest hair. I think I am the only one who would notice it. I also shave my pubic area/bikini line. I have put off my electrolysis for the past six months due to everything else I was dealing with post op. I now regret this decision. The rest of my body hair, legs etc., is pretty femme normal. I wish I had more head hair (MPB) but I fear that I will live with what I have from here on in ad wigs will be my reality.
Emotion health - Having surgery has helped me feel like my authentic self! The other day, a friend described me as glowing! The last few months have not all been rosy, however. I am experiencing some post op depression. This is not something I expected. Relationship with partner has changed even more and we are in 'friend mode'. This is not bad, just not what I hoped for. I injured my shoulder playing tennis and have not been able to play for the past few months and will not be able to start again for another five to six months. I have as a result fallen into a sedentary mode, like a limo, and have gained a lot of weight. This all has not helped my emotional state. I know that I can run, work out in the gym, etc., but seem stuck. If I can give any advise to woman in line for surgery it would be this: make sure that you have a social support network set up to help out with the emotional ups and downs that occur during your recovery! I find myself having to deal with loneliness and this is having negative consequences. I find myself slipping back into thoughts of self harm. As far as my relationship, my partner is supportive. She still finds having a female partner difficult as she is not into women. We are best friends and count myself lucky to have friend like that. I do miss physical nurturance, even hugs, holding hands or a kiss.
Not all downers - We went on an Alaska cruise! Seven days with great weather and on a wonderful ship. We are also off the our winter home next week and I am looking forward to warm weather and less rain! I don't want to do winters any more!
Goals for next six months - 1) Exercise - I need to get off my back side and get fit. My goal is to run again and get so I can take part in a 10 Km race in the spring. I also need to be more diligent in following my physic's treatment plan. This means getting to the gym and straightening the muscles i my shoulders, back and arms. 2) I need to find another activity to fill my days. With tennis on hold, other that coaching, I need something to occupy my mind as well as time. Maybe an art class. I always wanted to take a drawing course. I will probably get back to playing my Uke with the Uke group that is in my winter community. 3) Relationships? This is an unknown and I will see how this goes. 4) Electrolysis! Got to finish what I have started. I hate facial hair! Mine is thin but like the rest of my body hair, I notice it and I hate it!
Well must go to finish off the dishes. I think I will go to my local coffee shop and have a nice 'shot in the dark'!
Hugs, Kelly
