My name is Jason and I am a 43 year old man that is Transgender and Gay. So I guess that would make me a Trans Gay Man lol. I came out of the closet when I was 21 years old right out of the Military and everyone in my family was pretty cool with it.
When it comes to being Transgender I think that I have always known that I was different as a man but always was very good at suppressing it and denying that it was anything important in my life. When I was a young kid I would go through my step sisters drawers and closets when she wasn't home and I was just amazed how cooler her clothes were than my boring boy clothes. I loved how many different colors and fabrics and designs her clothes had.
I opened her panties drawer and thats when I knew I wasn't like other boys. I pulled off my underwear and slipped on a pair of her panties and they just felt so good and so natural and after that it progressed to me trying on skirts and dresses and swimsuits and I was so hooked. As I got older the feelings to dress up came and went over and over again.
When I first got a place to myself I would end up buying female clothes at stores and wearing panties to bed or things like that and then I would go back deep in the closet and get rid of all the clothes and then it came back and I would buy clothes again. I have lost track of how many times I have actually purged and how much money I have spent on clothes.
Last year the desires became so strong that I embraced it for a good 6 months and that was the longest ever and I came out to my real mom that I hadn't seen in like 20 years and I also came out to my parents and then my sister and a few friends that i knew that i could trust and everyone was very cool about it and accepting. I started to buy clothes again and I ended up wearing panties under my work clothes for like 2 months which for me is something that I have never done before but it just felt so natural.
I went on a shopping spree on Amazon and bought dresses and skirts, tights and corsets and nighties and all that fun stuff. I even bought breast forms to see what it would be like to have breasts. I have no feminine features at all so dressing up gives me an escape of that and just being the true me and getting out of my boring male clothes and feeling girly and feminine. I try to act feminine and I just look stupid and thats why I don't ever think I will transition even though I want to so badly but its just a pipe dream that will never happen and I am actually okay with that.
I just know that I am not attracted to females but anytime I see a woman on TV or in a Movie I fall in love with what she is wearing and think how that skirt or blouse would look on me. I am very masculine and all that so if I told people I work with they would look at me like it was April fools and that I am high or something. For those 6 months I was always shaving my legs and not growing facial hair and so on and being as smooth as i could be.
Then after those 6 months and I got busy with work and other things so my dressing up went back into the backseat and I started to just wear my regular male clothes and underwear but this time I didn't purge all my clothes and I kept everything and put it all in a duffle bag and hid all the clothes in the bottom of my closet and once in awhile I will break it out and dress up and feel feminine.
I remember like 3 years ago I went to Canada for the day and went across the boarder and then on the way back they did a random spot check and I had a bag of female clothes at the time and they found it and asked if I was smuggling a woman across and I just flat out said those were my clothes and they were taken back a little bit but I knew I wouldn't see them again.
In a perfect world I would love to go to sleep one night and wake up the next day with breasts and a vagina and I would be on cloud 9 and loving life. I mean even if I got my penis removed living full time as a man and had it replaced with a vagina I would feel very complete even though I would be yearning to have breasts as well.
