Semi transition - live two lives?

[Nevoxia]

Well, I'm not sure what you mean. There are a couple things that are permanent after months of HRT. I am guessing that I now have nearly 4 pounds of fat and breast tissue on my chest that I did not have a year ago. It's never going away even if I quit HRT. No going back for me. Yes, there is surgery but will never do it. As always, be careful. I wanted to complete my female shape and have done it quite well on HRT.

I am lucky in that I never have to do anything that requires me to remove my shirt like swimming. I don't anticipate anything else, but the future......who can know it....

Oops, sorry I was not quite clear. What I meant about not being able to go home was, if I plan to present as male when I go home to visit my family, that might be a bit difficult if my transition is so successful that I go in with unmistakably obvious breasts or something like that. Of course I realize it would be quite lucky to have such development. But I agree with you, I could never consider any reduction or surgery or anything like that. But when  returning home to visit family, maybe do what some transmen do, and practice binding and things like that.

[Nevoxia]

(Expanding on what VeronicaLynn said about compartmentalization)
Neither me nor Primary have ever had trouble with people recognizing I am a girl and he is a guy. But anyone who knows either of us would recognize the other of us. And we can NEVER risk that happening.

I am not sure you are realizing how far this goes, Nevoxia-
Maintaining separate ID's, credit cards and accounts
Establishing another credit history
Having different  friends
Never being able to getting too close to anyone because of the risk of them finding out your secret
Never being spotted coming out of or going to the same house or driving the same car
Never going to the same stores and places
Never getting things mixed up when you are talking about each of your lives
Never mixing up your guy and girl mannerisms, voices or thoughts

It's alot harder for me because I don't have a real life history. I keep most things straight by using Primary's life and switching pronouns to fit me when I don't have memories of my own. But even though his mind learned to compartmentalize to the level it does because his life depended on it, I still get confused when I have to keep straight whether my "husband's" Ex's (Primary's wife's husband's)  spouse is a husband or a wife.

We have done this for 8 years. Two whole years for me and 6 for Primary. It takes alot of work to keep up the illusion. Alot. Did you ever see Tootsie, Victor Victoria or Mrs. Doubtfire? We do it because it's how our brain coped with the abuse Primary experienced  when he was a little boy. Because it has been this way for so long I don't think  we can go to therapy long enough in this life to change. We don't do it because it is our choice.

Among that list I have only ever seen Mrs. Doubtfire.
I couldn't really imagine it going that far! That does sound extremely difficult. I'm not that talented, or even that hard-working/efficient. Maybe the smart thing is just to move to a friendly city and forget about the whole thing. So what's the dream city, San Francisco? I was actually thinking that after grad school I might end up living in Texas because they have a strong industry in the type of career I'm studying for. But I have no knowledge of what are the best friendly cities for us.

[VeronicaLynn]

I wouldn't want to take it that far either. The ID thing is sometimes problematic though. I choose not to care that people know that I'm trans here though, it's pretty obvious. I don't think it will even be all that much of a shock when I eventually do come out back home, most people there seem to think I'm a gay guy in denial.

I'm not sure what is the dream city, but I'm in Southern California, which may actually be more trans friendly than San Francisco these days.

[flytrap]

I wasn't trying to be a downer, Nevoxia. It was important to help you see how much there is to keep  separate. Moving to another city other place might be a better idea and just never tell anyone there about your life as a guy (thinking people here call that "stealth"?). It has to be alot easier hiding a secret like this when only one person has to do it.

[Shellie Hart]

Oops, sorry I was not quite clear. What I meant about not being able to go home was, if I plan to present as male when I go home to visit my family, that might be a bit difficult if my transition is so successful that I go in with unmistakably obvious breasts or something like that. Of course I realize it would be quite lucky to have such development. But I agree with you, I could never consider any reduction or surgery or anything like that. But when  returning home to visit family, maybe do what some transmen do, and practice binding and things like that.

I know I am showing to everyone now. I can't hide them. I do see people looking and gawking all the time. It's just that so far no one has said anything or asked questions. It just hasn't happened yet. I know some are dying to ask. Why someone hasn't yet done so, I can't say.

My family and old friends are already used to my slim feminine shape, so that I am okay with. Now they see the breasts. I am just so anxious that it will happen sooner than I would like. It's past time for these things to stop growing. Dang the future....