Hello, my name is Jeannie.
I thought about making an introduction months ago, but I didn't know where to start. So, how about the basics:
My favorite color is Pink, the brighter the better!
I am more of a skirts, dresses, and heels kinda girl
I started my hrt 7 months ago, April 2nd. I started with both an aa and estrogen.
I like other girls, or as a friend put it when I explained about it, Femininity. As long as the other person looks and sounds feminine, I don't think I care about anything else.
If you don't read everything, want to say I have no problems answering questions.
Now the long history of my life as it pertains to Gender Dysphoria:
I told my parents 5 years ago, my dad was quiet then and when I would bring it up. But he came around back in February this year, he had some issues to sort out. My mom came to accept it within days, she has gone so far as to apologize for not being more approachable when I was very young. They are religious and I thought it would have been taken negatively to the extreme.
I have known since I was 5 years old and I remember trying to be myself in pre-school, but I got bullied. For years I put it in the back of my mind. It worked until around when I hit puberty @11yo, I started feeling really depressed and had a harder time sleeping. But I had other things going on, so I was unable to recognize it had to do with how I felt on the inside. I was born '85, so there was no internet, I thought it was something I made up in my head.
I didn't have an inkling until my second year in high school, internet was more easily acceptable and I was curious about adult films. I found trans videos, but I was so far closeted, I didn't think much of it. I do remember wondering why it didn't turn me off. It resurfaced again, 4 years later, when I took my second college psychology class. The book we used had a section on LGB and cross dressing, when we came to that the teacher asked us a question to answer anonymously on paper: if you could make yourself the opposite gender, would you?
I didn't even hesitate or think about it and I wrote: only if it was possible on the genetic level. I have been unable to ignore my feelings after this point, I just thought it was caused by my depression. I really started to research it in 2010 after a friend talked to me.
We went out barhopping one weekend and he took me to some small bars that had dancing, he wanted me to dance with a random girl. I was really hesitant, but I wanted to try it so I eventually did do it. At the end of the night, when his friend we t to get some food, he told me he could tell I was uncomfortable in my skin. His advice was for me to figure out why and how I could feel comfortable.
It still took me 5 years to fully come to terms because my military contract ended 2015, I wanted to stick with it for the money. I found a therapist close to me Ocrober 2016, it took so long because I had a hard time finding someone and I still had doubts. I reached out to them, but didn't make an appointment until I woke up early one night. I just couldn't lie to myself anymore, I thought my feelings would have gone away but they hadn't.
I had tried anti-depressants at a couple points in my life, but they never changed my train of thought. That should have been enough, but I was afraid. I am glad I made the move. After my first session, my therapist could already tell that this wasn't some imagined thing. I decided to see an endocrinologist, but he had a waiting list until late March. The other option was the Whitman-Walker Clinic in DC, but I had a feeling they would have moved too slowly for my needs.
I only had one appointment and the endocrinologist had no problems prescribing me both medications after talking to me. I called him after a month and he okayed a more aggressive plan. Then again on my second appointment. Good thing I said something, I feel like things haven't progressed too slowly or even too fast. I am very lucky and thankful for that.
I would also like to share my progression, my therapist always tells me overall I am progressing faster than most. Even if the one thing I am dying for (large breasts) hasn't happened yet, there are plenty other changes I am happy about.
The day I took my first doses, I felt instant relief I was on my way to becoming who I have always seen myself. About 2 months later I was able to say I no longer felt depressed. Sure, I still get anxiety, but who doesn't?
After 5 days, my chest started feeling itchy and everything, 2 days later I had breast buds. I had miniscule growth on and off all since then til now, and the shape keeps changing.
Within the first month, my hips looked more rounder and instead of being straight up and down, became like / \. My waist is rounder too.
My face and derrier have been changing in various ways the entire time, but more recently have been more consistent.
I have a widow's peak and my hairline had receded quite a bit. I also had a bald spot. 2 months ago, I noticed hair started coming back in those places I had started to lose it in the past 7 years. My mom says now you cannot even tell I had a bald spot. And I pull my hair back and instead of having rounded spots where the hair disappeared, they are almost completely filled in. I colored my hair in August so I can tell the new grown hairs by them being my natural hair color.
I have red hair, so unfortunately, laser will not work. I tried on my stomach and just above the bikini line, but it barely got 60% of the hairs. I have about 25 hours of electrolysis done on my face that I started in January. I moved end of July, but the electrologist I found wasn't taking new clients. She had surgery and has to recover. So I have been without it for a few months. But it is cheaper here, so money wise it isn't a huge setback. Though time wise I guess sets me back quite a lot. I did get some hairs completely cleared out though and the hairs on and under my chin are still growing very slowly.
I plan for bottom surgery, breast augmentation, and FFS for my nose and chin primarily. These are the things that give me dysphoria that hormones aren't going to change.
