Susan’s feels like home

[Briah]

Hello everybody,

After lurking on the forums for the past 6 month I decided that it was time to become a participant.  It was much easier to write a response to a thread or to start one of my own that to write an introduction.  An introduction is sort of like writing a new resume for a job—I would rather have some teeth pulled—but here I go with a little of who/what I am.

I am 66 years old/young/somewhere in between.  I am told that I look 20 years younger and look even younger now that the full beard is gone.  I am not at all sure that I believe it.  I am a husband of almost 40 years.  A father of two, 19 and 21.  An army veteran and a navy veteran.  An electronics technician.  A diesel mechanic.  A former South Pole resident.  A psychotherapist.  A social worker.  A part time jeweler and woodworker.  A horseman.  A transgender woman.

While my story has paralleled what many have said I came late to the final conclusion.  I tried my mom's undies and dresses at an early age (and was socialized by two women who were social workers in my formative years).  For as long as I knew what a vagina was I wanted one.  I tried cross dressing at various times and of course purged the clothes that I purchased to not get outed. 

In school I was part of that group—yes I was part of a group—that has no real group.  I was an athlete but hated the locker room.  I was in choir and participated in the operettas that the school put on each year.  I danced and sang.  I played in the orchestra—cello.  I did things with the outcast intellectuals.  Like I say I was in a group of no group.  I was also put down because I was different and found out much later that the rumor was that I was gay.  They were half right, I love women and am sexually attracted to women but inside I am a woman. 

I never gave voice to my desire to be a woman, to have a vagina and breasts and to have the privilege of wearing the variety of clothes that are the domain of women.  I kept my fantasies to myself.  I had the thoughts that so many talk about of waking up in the morning magically transformed.  I had though of an accident forcing the removal of my male genitals.  The really funny thing is that although I have worked with many in the LGBTQ community as a therapist an social worker and my best friend is gay I never made the connection that my thoughts and desires were transgender.

About 6 months ago after a particularly difficult time with my marriage and almost 6 years of no intimacy my wife and I became reacquainted.  I was giving her a hug of sorts and she made the comment that I would like a vagina of my own.  I said yes.  It was the first time that I had ever actually said out loud that desire.  At that point I had a complete cascade of understanding.  It also explained so many thing in my past.

My wife says if I transition she will leave.  I am not ok with that at this time.  She is ok with the cross dressing and I am letting my hair grow out again.  Where I am going is not clear to me right now.  I don't hate being male, it has generally been good to me.  I just want to be female.

I have rambled on way too long.  In any event, I am glad to be here and am astounded by the wonderful group of people on this site.  I don't believe that I have ever seen a site that is so supportive and loving as this one. 

[Bari Jo]

Hi Briah, welcome to Susan's.  We all have so many similar stories that got us here.  I have heard of many trans ladies that stay in their marriage and not transition and are happy.  I've also heard of some that do transition and they are happy too.  I just recently met the loveliest trans couple at group, they are working it out too.  If you can find a support group in your area i would attend.  Some of them, spouses are welcome too.  They can help your spouse get an understanding of what it means to be trans.

See you around Susan's.

Bari Jo

[Laurie]

 Hi Briah,

  I am Laurie, mtf, and 65. Like you I came late to the knowledge that I was transgender. I has almost been a year for me. It was last year in November that I discovered the term Gender Dysphoria and decided it fit me very well, On December 4th I began taking estradiol and spirolactone.
  I want to personally thank you for taking the time to hop over here and write up your intro. Thank you. Devyln would think me remiss in my duties if I did not also ask you to pay a visit to our Roll Call thread and have you check in there also. We like to use it to thank service men and women for the service they give or have given to their countries. I thank you for yours in both the Army and the Navy. Wow, that is unusual. I served in the US Navy myself back in 1970s.
  I for one am glad you are here. It is always nice to see others of my vintage here participating to support others of like mind. I commend you also on your 40 years of marriage and family. They are precious to who we are. I was not so fortunate. my marriage lasted on 21 years. My son died a couple years ago. My daughter rejected me a few months ago so I no longer am welcome there and am not  to be apart of my five grand children's lives.
  I'm sorry for digressing. Please accept my welcome and thanks for being here with us.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[MaryT]

Hi Briah (gosh, I'm glad I eventually grasped what the last letter of your name is),
What a varied life you have had!  Your biography could fill volumes.
Welcome to Susan's Place, I'm sure you'll like it here.
Mary

[Tommie_9]

Hello Briah,

I love this virtual community, too. Best wishes with your journey.

Tommie

[Roll]

I want to know more about the south pole resident part!

[Briah]

Hi Laurie,  I am so sorry to hear about your son.  And I hope that your daughter will eventually come around. 

I am out to my wife and best friend but have not even broached the subject with either of my daughters or the rest of my family.

As to the South Pole Roll, I was there for about 6 months, leaving on the last plane out.  I was a mechanic and radio operator and heavy equipment operator and general fixit.  You go in via McMurdo station.  Going in the ice is nice and thick and hard (keep your minds on track here) and they can land the big C141 jets on the ice.  Getting off the plane you get a spectacular view of the mountains.  i thought it might be a nice hike away.  It was--about three days.  Keep in mind that the flight was via air force so no comforts at all and no seats.  Then I went to Siple Station.  That was 14 hours on a C130 turbo prop.  Again no amenities.  Siple station is completely under the ice--about 30 feet.  They were maping the ionosphere and doing other research.  I then went to the South pole.  That station is large, a dome with several branches out with other research units in it.  WE had all the amenities like videos (many not suitable for young people), sauna, pool table, ice cream (from New Zealand and delicious) and the opportunity to go cross country skiing.  It was daylight 24X7 and a little chilly (the high while I was there was -57F) so you could go out and play if you so desired.  I also went to the original station from the 1950's.  Now those guys were something.  At the south pole I got to walk around the world a bunch of times in a minute.  I repaired the snow landing strip.  Fixed a snow cat that broke down some 5 miles from base and did routine maintenance on a telescope that tracked the sun the entire time that it was above the horizon but was about 15 miles from the base to avoid the base pollution.  It was a position that if a wind had come up I could have been stranded until the wind stopped or until I decided to try to follow the flag line back to the base.  Otherwise there are no landmarks and a compass doesn't work so well there.  I was there before GPS too.    It was beautiful as most desolate places are.  I will stop now because this all brings up other memories and I would run the risk of using the entire bandwidth of the server to talk about it.

Thank you all for the welcome.

[The Flying Lemur]

Welcome, Briah!  Wow, your time at the South Pole sounds completely awesome!  I'm a nature documentary addict and I've seen a bunch of them about Antarctica, but I never expect to go myself.  Did you see any wildlife while you were down there?  I mean other than the non-"family friendly" videos.  :p

[Roll]

Unless one of you have at least been into orbit, I think Briah wins coolest person award.

[Bari Jo]

Unless one of you have at least been into orbit, I think Briah wins coolest person award.

Seriously, I'm very proud of my accomplishments, but no way am I going to try to compete with that;)

Bari Jo

[Briah]

I didn't realize that this was a competition

I am quite sure that there are many that have done interesting things.  I know that some of the other veterans have gone to interesting places and probably a few that they wish they hadn't.   

And not all interesting things are far away.  Our fellow trans folks from the 80's and earlier have interesting tales to tell.  Everything was different.  Lets hope that the current crowd in DC don't takes us back to that time. 

Remember that one of the "leaders" of the Stonewall uprising in '68 was a trans woman.  Now that is interesting. 

Yes, going to Antarctica was a big deal, much more so than is now.  I loved the experience and saw some things that were beautiful beyond belief.  I always loved the wild places.  I saw one penguin.  There were a lot of skua gulls.  They are really big and amazing in the air but really clumsy on the ground.  At Siple Station I saw a tern about 700 miles from the nearest water.  At Siple the temperature got up to a balmy 36 one day.  On the other hand in the original Siple station that was abandoned due to the pressure of the snow caving it in the temperature was a constant -20.l

One thing that was quite outstanding was a dinner that we were enjoying.  Everybody was chatting and shaping the latest research (yeh right) and suddenly we noticed that tables were getting quiet.  Someone had gotten a tape of Prairie Home Companion in the mail and put it on.  Keep in mind that this was back in 1983 and none of us had ever heard of the show.  We stayed quiet until the end of the show and insisted on a new episode each night after that.  So far away and yet so close.

As for other activity I didn't get to join the 300 club because I left before it started getting cold.  To join the 300 club you sit in a nice warm (200*) sauna for a time.  Naked of course.  Then you go to the actual physical pole (yes there is an actual pole there with a mirror top) and the only thing you wear is bunny boots.  You do this when it gets to -100*.  Yes, there are male and female members of the club.

Anyway, thanks for all the positive responses.  Like I said I am amazed by the positive support in all areas on Susan's.

[V M]

Hi Briah 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M