Suddenly getting really scared about surgery

[Bacon]

Heyo.

I have my top surgery scheduled for December, and I really hadn't been worrying about it much at all. It was something that I figured I'd be glad to get done so I can stop wearing my binder and live a more comfortable life. But it wasn't on my mind a whole lot, and I hadn't given much thought to the risks.

But now...

I'm reading about all the risks associated with it: bleeding, infection, anesthesia complications, blood clots, nerve damage, death (very rarely but still possible), and supposedly a 20 - 60% chance of having chronic pain at the surgery site.

I keep thinking: could I really live with any of these risks, if they happened to me? Obviously they do happen to some people. So what if I'm one of them? For example, if I knew that I would experience chronic pain after the surgery, I'd prefer not to have it at all. And it's obviously not worth risking my life for. So I'm not sure where that leaves me.

How did you guys deal with accepting the risks? Were there any that were almost deal-breakers for you?

[HappyMoni]

I am M to F but have had two major trans related surgeries. On one surgery, I had a life threatening complication. Would I do it again, yes. I decided for me that I was tired of living in fear. I needed to pursue who I was. I also said that there is risk in a lot of things in life, getting on the highway is a good example. Fear right before surgery is a natural thing. It's a self preservation thing. It is something you must judge for yourself though. Good luck either way, Hon.
Moni

[Alexthecat]

Who are you going to have surgery with? A well known one can put those fears to bed. Out of all the FTM top surgeries I have read about I have not heard of one of those complications happening. Proper pre and post-op care helps too.

[Elis]

Having any major complications after surgery I would say are quite rare. Watch countless trans youtube vids about top surgery and only a few have had complications and even fewer have had serious ones that were long term.

Plus thinking I had no quality of life pre surgery; it limited what I could do physically and had a huge strain on me mentally as well; so it was worth the risk.

And Alex said if you're going to a highly reputable one that has done thus surgery hundreds of times you have nothing to fear.

[Modified]

Heyo.

I have my top surgery scheduled for December, and I really hadn't been worrying about it much at all. It was something that I figured I'd be glad to get done so I can stop wearing my binder and live a more comfortable life. But it wasn't on my mind a whole lot, and I hadn't given much thought to the risks.

But now...

I'm reading about all the risks associated with it: bleeding, infection, anesthesia complications, blood clots, nerve damage, death (very rarely but still possible), and supposedly a 20 - 60% chance of having chronic pain at the surgery site.

I keep thinking: could I really live with any of these risks, if they happened to me? Obviously they do happen to some people. So what if I'm one of them? For example, if I knew that I would experience chronic pain after the surgery, I'd prefer not to have it at all. And it's obviously not worth risking my life for. So I'm not sure where that leaves me.

How did you guys deal with accepting the risks? Were there any that were almost deal-breakers for you?

I didnt really have any of those issues. It looking botched is the only issue I had. Though, with being put under I WAS scared. I had never had any surgery before so i was afraid id never wake up.  lol   But I did. Though they told me i woke up a bit later than i should have so it worried them for a sec but other than that, not many complications.
I DID have some severe pain while healing, because the first meds they put me on didnt work well and make me feel so sick that it was just as painful as the surgery spot but that was fixed with a switch in meds. I also lost a good bit of feeling in my left nipple, where he did extra work for idk what reason, but got some of it back as it healed. Still a tad numb though but tbh i dont quite care about not feeling my nipples.  lol
I dealt with the fear by asking myself if I actually liked my life before the surgery. I didnt. I hated it and I was severely hindered by not having it and had backpain a lot from feeling like i had to slouch and binding etc. I was constantly in fear of people finding out i was trans and such because my home had already been burned down before because of it and i was run out of state (IN. Go figure.) and it was honestly such a crap life i was living that if i didnt make any progress i felt like not living it at all, so tbh the low risk of death or pain etc really didnt bother me. 

[Devlyn]

Big hug! It's fine to have fears. I hope you don't mind me sharing my experience here.

I had complications following my (orchiectomy) surgery. I knew the risks ahead of time, but it was still a mental and emotional setback to deal with it. Be prepared to cope with any issues that crop up, but stay optimistic that they won't occur.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Kylo]

I read up on people's post-op stories. Most of them of them go well. The "horror stories" seem to be rare.

There's also the fact top surgery is practically akin to liposuction which is a minimally invasive procedure for the most part. You're making a cut in the skin, pulling the fat and a gland out, and sewing it up again. Not touching any major organs or arteries.

The biggest issue for me is whether they get the nipples looking right and aligned correctly. That's about it. It's just a bit of fat removal to me otherwise and the recovery known to be generally quick because it's not deep surgery, not intended to sever any muscle. Some nerve sensation may be lost (majority is kept according to most reports) but that doesn't bother me as I don't have much of an interest at all with sensations in my chest. Some people want the sensitivity retained but I'm not really bothered, provided I have the basics and can detect pain to avoid injury. My chest is somewhat lacking in sensitivity as is so many that's why.

I have more trepidation about the bottom surgery because that is more invasive.

[November Fox]

The surgeon you´ll go to, will probably do this often. Mine has done a few hundred of chests over the past few years. Some got complications, but from what I know these were almost always mild, and always resolved.

Some who had bigger chests were not happy with the outcome but got corrections afterwards. I´m basing this on  the trans facebook group I used to be in. It had 500 transmen in it.

So I´d say the biggest chance you are running, is you might worry about the outcome, but most times you will just go back for a revision and it will be improved.

Neither the surgeon nor the hospital wants you to have complications, trust me, they do everything they can to absolutely reducing the chances anything at all will happen.