Looking back in time I can harldy beleive that my first time being dressed female in public was 10 years ago tomorrow. It was halloween 2007 and I dont know why but I wanted to be a female. I think it was the perfect excuse to go out in public. My mom at first thought it was cute and gave me her old dress that is long gone, a fuzzy scarf, clip o earrings and I do beleive light make-up. I recall being anxious however as I had a feeling people were going to make fun of me. Well, i took the public transit to school and I did get some looks and laughs by adults but nothing unexpected. However, I do recall a feeling I am unsure I ever had before them. I felt what could be describe as euphoira. Actually scratch that, it was even more powerful, it was like an ecstasy feeling. I felt so light and warm in my body. I am vaguely re-feel the feelings i had then right now and i feel this amazing sense of self. Anyways, I did get laughed at and teased at school however nowhere near as much as my friend who dressed up as a cereal killer. No, I said that correctly he had a shirt with fake blood with the mini cereal boxes with stab wounds on them and fake plastic knives. And yes, we all thought it was super lame at the time ,in hindsight it was super clever and was much better then what most people had brought to school, anyway as a result of percevied lameness he actually got made fun of more then I did. I cant recall what else I was feeling but I do remeber liking that day a lot, that day I guess, October 31 2007, was Ashley's first debut in real life and 7 years before I would allow myself to break through and live.
I recall coming home and my mom talking to me, but I forgot what was all said until one day she brought it up and told me something that shocked me during the early days of my transition. When i got home she asked me if the other kids made fun of my ''costume'' and , according to her I said ''Yes, some people laughed at and teased me, but I cant lie this girl thing feels right''. She told me that, i forgot all about that for 7 or 8 years until she reminded me and was actualy yet another peice to the puzzle of how this whole feeling atatched to the female world actually goes back since young childhood too, even when I brushed i off in denial at some stage.
Anyone else use an event or celebration as an excuse to present ?
