Anyone else putting off transition due to family?

[graspthesanity]

I feel like I'm in a limbo and I get scared and I feel terribly alone in my decision to stay safe. I'm 23 and I frankly... don't know when I'll be on T. I just mended my relationship with my family. I came out to my mother 2 years ago and we just fight over it or she downright ignores it. If I come out to everyone else, I'll be disowned right away and I won't get funded for university. I am deeply depressed, anxious and bipolar. Coming out with such risks and them happening would just tip me over. I just want to hear that other people my age, are putting off their transition because it's terribly lonely seeing all teens and everyone get hormones, while I'm stuck not passing in a new country. I have too much on my plate and I don't see it getting easier and with transitioning being put off, it's even worse. I am out to everyone besides family, so that helps a bit, but not passing and not transitioning yet makes it impossible to have a peace of mind.

Anyone else in something similar?

[Natsuki Kuga]

Oh, no. That's lousy. You're in a tough spot.

I have so much respect for you. Uni + gender +  that family + another country? I'd be an utter basket case. You are tougher than freakin' nails.

If I had any guidance to offer, above everything else I'd suggest stress management. No drinking, no smoking, no drugs, discipline about getting to bed on time, getting a little exercise every day, and going to kvetch to a tdoc a couple of times a week.

None of which is supported by a university atmosphere, of course, but I wish I'd known to do this stuff when I was there. Might have made life more bearable then, might have prevented certain issues farther down the road.

Other than that, the best I can offer is Interwebz hugs and a sincere wish you were my kid. Even if you ever feel like you're totally alone, you have my full support.

Be well

[Denise]

Natsuki is right on all they said.

I'm not going to be much of a help here but a couple of things come to mind:
1) this situation stinks.  You are financially dependent upon those who do not understand what you are going through.
2) You are not alone - I know others who are going/went through exactly the same thing.  The best option is to work to become non-dependent upon anyone.
3) Ask to see a therapist - If you word it as "maybe they can help me through this" maybe that will help.  No reason to tell them what the therapist says or what you tell them.  (Their license depends upon keeping it confidential.)
4) Do little things - Get Boxers or whatever underwear you feel comfortable in.  (Be careful on laundry day!)
5) Educate them - You didn't say why your mother was against it but education is the key.

When I came out to people I always did it the same way:
Me: Have you ever heard of Gender Dysphoria?
Them: No (All but three people out of about 100)
Me: It's the clinical diagnosis for people who are transgender
Them: blank stare for 2 or 3 seconds....
Me: and I've been diagnosed with it.  And I've had it since I was about 4 (I'm in my 50's now)
Them: pause.... the light bulb comes on.

At that point the conversation takes a turn to what it means etc... and everyone was different.  But by starting out that this is a diagnosed condition and "not a choice" the conversation goes much smother.  I came out to about 100 people 1 or 2 at a time this with with only 1 sorta negative reaction.

Possibly you can get a therapist to diagnose G.D. then do a group therapy session with your friendliest family member for moral support.

[Elis]

I knew I was trans when I was 19 but didn't transition until I was 21 due to my dad. He's uncomfortable with all things LGBT but put simply I had enough; the mental torment of not transitioning was mych worse than the way my dad would react or what he'd say about it. I think all trans people eventually hit this wall were by nothing else matters but transitioning; despite the myriad of things which could go wrong (our fears are worse than the reality)

Yes my dad said some trans phobic stuff he's has yet not apologised for and just tolerates me; but it's my life; I know what's best for me and I'm much happier and more importantly content within myself than before.

Right now I'd just focus on getting to uni. Then you'd be free to at least socially transition. Having your classmates and professors call you by your actual name. Having the hair cut and wearing the clothes you want. And meeting other trans people.

[Pisces228]

I did twice.  At 16 and 22.  I was so scared.  I was so financially dependant on them I didn't know what to do.  Once I was financially independent I ended up moving 4 hours away to transition in another city so I could be away from them. 

[graspthesanity]

Thank you so much, Natsuki! I have been trying to make everything as stress-free as possible, but it's hard to do that with university sadly. Everything is just so hectic, sadly. Gotta keep up!

Denise, thankfully I live abroad and pretty much separated by many countries. It's a hassle to fly there too, so I can't even just go for the weekend to see them. Sorry, I should've mentioned in my post, I am out to my university and everyone besides family. The university reactions are a mixed bag, because I somehow stopped passing at my university when I've been passing for a good while. Maybe it's all because of changing countries.

I'm a gay trans man and my mother is against men and gay men specifically being Russian and all. It's just the general consensus of someone from Eastern Europe.

That's a good way to start the conversation, indeed! Thank you for your advice

Elis, I am out in my university, but I've encountered some cis people who even use my male name (which is masculine and no way you can confused with a female name) say "she/girl" and so on. Hopefully after a few e-mails and explanations this will be solved. I don't know what happened that I stopped passing. I used to have a 100% pass rating up to the point that when I'm with family I get in trouble by using the female bathroom. Don't know what clocking powers does my uni hold. It's been harder since I stopped passing, that's the thing.

Pisces, I was financially independent, but there's only so much one can do without a diploma, sadly. That's why I'm pursuing an education at 23.

[VickyZ]

Thank you so much, Natsuki! I have been trying to make everything as stress-free as possible, but it's hard to do that with university sadly. Everything is just so hectic, sadly. Gotta keep up!

Denise, thankfully I live abroad and pretty much separated by many countries. It's a hassle to fly there too, so I can't even just go for the weekend to see them. Sorry, I should've mentioned in my post, I am out to my university and everyone besides family. The university reactions are a mixed bag, because I somehow stopped passing at my university when I've been passing for a good while. Maybe it's all because of changing countries.

I'm a gay trans man and my mother is against men and gay men specifically being Russian and all. It's just the general consensus of someone from Eastern Europe.

That's a good way to start the conversation, indeed! Thank you for your advice

Elis, I am out in my university, but I've encountered some cis people who even use my male name (which is masculine and no way you can confused with a female name) say "she/girl" and so on. Hopefully after a few e-mails and explanations this will be solved. I don't know what happened that I stopped passing. I used to have a 100% pass rating up to the point that when I'm with family I get in trouble by using the female bathroom. Don't know what clocking powers does my uni hold. It's been harder since I stopped passing, that's the thing.

Pisces, I was financially independent, but there's only so much one can do without a diploma, sadly. That's why I'm pursuing an education at 23.

Very difficult situation. Mine is very similar.  Very heartbreaking because I dont want to lose my family, but also realize that I am who I am. I can supress and put myself to be the last one for a while. But for a while only...I dont know what to do, too...I think that there are many many people like this,

Sent from my LG-H831 using Tapatalk

[Cheaney]

I am putting off HRT due to family but it's a little different. I'm putting it off to try and start a family with my wife. We've been together a few years but have had issues with infertility. How ironic is that I have low T!? So yeah it's definitely not an easy situation with us either. There are days where I feel like I need E like yesterday and other days where I'm ok. Hang in there. Tomorrow's another day for those really bad days.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk