Interesting reaction from your gay friends, Sarah. My story involves someone who showed up out of the blue at one of the trade shows I display at. (I sell and support light airplanes, and display at major air shows.) She said she knew me from the "old days" when we were all flying ultralights and would get together around the state for fly-ins. She gave enough details that it was obvious that she'd really been there. She came to the shows with her girlfriend, and ended up moving to a small town not far from me. We kept seeing each other at the shows, and occasionally she'd drop by my shop to see what the latest project was.
When I decided to come out, I figured that, being in the LGBT community, she might be an ally, so I invited her over to talk about it. After talking airplanes for a bit, I chickened out, and on her way out she stopped me and said, "You wanted to talk to me about something. Well?" After some more waffling, I finally told her I was trans. Things went quiet, she looked me in the eye, and said, "Yeah. Me, too."
I had no idea. Now I know why I didn't remember her from the old days. Because of my situation, I know I would have noticed and remembered a woman ultralight pilot in one our local clubs. Since then she's become a much closer friend and mentor, and actually drove a half hour yesterday to come help when she found out I was having another meltdown.
So maybe I was sort of in the same position as Bari Jo's friend. I just accepted my friend as she was, and while my assumptions put her in LGBT, it was just the wrong end of the acronym.
Steph