Transition Regret

[Complete]

I was searching for a topic l had been posting in and found this.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,11302.msg83535.html#msg83535

The commentary was quite remarkable. Does anybody ever discuss this anymore?

[Allie24]

Transition regret as a whole? Or what is specifically mentioned in that one post about gatekeeping?

[Complete]

Transition regret as a whole? Or what is specifically mentioned in that one post about gatekeeping?

I did not read the actual article cited. What l found of interest was the commentary.

[Chloe]

What l found of interest was the commentary.

Scanned thru old thread quickly appears "Teri Anne" is only one who expresses some regret, seems to be struggling with things. Knew OP Tinkerbell well enough, LOL anything you care to add??

Outside of electrolysis and lately possibly FFS after almost 40yrs of on/off transitioning have always made it a point to do nothing permanent thus no regrets at all. Two always idly discussing Redneck Managers at work whistled at me yesterday??? Didn't stop to see what THAT was about!! Living in The South as I have for last 20yrs prefer to be a girlish guy who occasionally gets "ma'am" by strangers than put up with ignorance and bigotry that can be really rampant everywhere!!

I plan on seeing A Revenge one day!!! My father always used to say "expect the worst from people and you'll never be disappointed". Best solution I have found is a Henry Big Boy Silver 357 Mag long rifle 

[Amoré]

I never regret transitioning as my other tread states I am sad I could not do this 12 years ago. Having grs in feb and don't think I would look back either. It is rare for people to have regret.

[josie76]

I think when I felt regret would be looking at old pictures and wondering if doing this for myself was the right thing to do, or if continued self sacrifice for the easement of others would have been right. Mainly my kids. As I have progressed so have they. It doesn't seem to much of a problem for them anymore and so it makes it not much of a problem for me.

I also know if I had not done this that I would have done something so much worse to them by taking away their parent permanently.

[Complete]

It is good to hear that things are going well for people. ☺

[rmaddy]

Short version:

Transgender regret is rare and overhyped by transphobic activists. 

Long version (with an internal link to skip the history of medicine bit near the top if so desired):

http://www.renaemadisongage.com/2015/12/regret/

[Dena]

There have been a few cases of Transition Regret that I have seen on the site though I suspect if you were to figure the numbers it would be less than 1% of the site members. It's not always because the transition was wrong for them but instead the transition didn't end up as they thought it would.

One of the reason for so many happy customers is the non binary members are just as welcome as the binary members. Nobody is force to conform to something that's not a proper fit for them. This is something that was a very steep learning curve for me when I first joined the site because I only knew about the binary. Fortunately the first few times I  ran up against the non binary, they were able to express themselves well enough that I was able to get a feel for non binary members. After that it was just a matter of picking up bits of information here and there.

[Allie24]

Idk if I'd call it regret, but I feel a little sad that I can't be the person my parents hoped I would be

(My phone auto-corrected the heck out of that... THAT^^^ is what I meant to say)

[Megan.]

It's cost me alot, and I'm still pre-surgery. But 6 months living full-time I have no regret about my choice,  and no desire to go back. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[TransAm]

Even though it will never be optimal for me (IE: somewhat smaller hands, not as tall as I'd like, etc.), no amount of money on earth could ever make me go back to living as a woman.

[josie76]

Idk if I'd call it regret, but I feel a little sad that I can't be the person my parents hoped I would be

(My phone at-corrected the heck out of that... THAT^^^ is what I meant to say)

That's it. It's the feeling of not living up to other's expectations.

I can tell you living for other's wants leaves you empty inside. Eventually we all have to live for ourselves or we die, figuratively or literally.

[coldHeart]

Regrets I do feel like it sometimes when I thing of all I have lost even more so when I think of my wife.
Cursed yes, even after been full time for several months I still hate Looking at myself in the mirror, I except who I am but at what cost! Either I live a lonely unhappy existence or take my own life.

[SadieBlake]

It's hard to imagine coming to a point of regret. I can see it as trade off and sure there are some things I miss about having male genitalia (absolutely nothing I miss about testosterone).

Transition has taken some time and resources that could have been used differently. That's called opportunity cost and it's part of any decision.

Going from more often anxious and depressed to more often happy and content? Check. I've yet to find an unexpected thing about post transition I'm actively unhappy about? Check. Dozens of little (and some big) things I didn't realize would change, all of which I'm happy about? Check. My GF was completely resistant to thinking of herself as a lesbian when I realized I had to transition and now enjoys scissoring and other forms of girl-girl sex? Check.

So yeah I can't see all those positives reversing.

[Complete]

I think that Sadie offers us a good example of "finding what works for you". I think that is the key. As Dena pointed out, there are many ways to "transition" including the non-binary approach. I also think that unrealistic expectations are responsible for a high percentage of those that harbor regrets about their transition. Another apparent source is dissatisfaction with the results of srs.
Perhaps this might offer some reasonable arguments for some minimal SOC's.

[Lisa_K]

More thoughts about this and interesting article on Huffpo:

Myths About Transition Regrets: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/brynn-tannehill/myths-about-transition-regrets_b_6160626.html

Surgical regret is actually very uncommon. Virtually every modern study puts it below 4 percent, and most estimate it to be between 1 and 2 percent (Cohen-Kettenis & Pfafflin 2003, Kuiper & Cohen-Kettenis 1998, Pfafflin & Junge 1998, Smith 2005, Dhejne 2014). In some other recent longitudinal studies, none of the subjects expressed regret over medically transitioning (Krege et al. 2001, De Cuypere et al. 2006).

These findings make sense given the consistent findings that access to medical care improves quality of life along many axes, including sexual functioning, self-esteem, body image, socioeconomic adjustment, family life, relationships, psychological status and general life satisfaction. This is supported by the numerous studies (Murad 2010, De Cuypere 2006, Kuiper 1988, Gorton 2011, Clements-Nolle 2006) that also consistently show that access to GCS reduces suicidality by a factor of three to six (between 67 percent and 84 percent).

[josie76]

Regrets I do feel like it sometimes when I thing of all I have lost even more so when I think of my wife.
Cursed yes, even after been full time for several months I still hate Looking at myself in the mirror, I except who I am but at what cost! Either I live a lonely unhappy existence or take my own life.

ColdHeart, I've come to realize that the longer I'm on the right hormones and the more I have been freeing myself from my own cages, that happiness is possible. I understand your loss. I guess for me I have been seeing a more clear picture of myself. I started seeing more of the woman I truely am when I look in the mirror instead of the depressive feeling like it is all just pretend. Like I could never be in this life who I felt like inside. I hope you find the longer you transition, the more your mind finds a view of your true being reflected instead of doubts.

I know its hard. Many of us do.

[LaRell]

  I too don't see how in the world I would ever reach a point of feeling "regret".  The only "regret" I experience, is the hurt I am causing my wife by doing this.  She is heterosexual, so naturally.........this is a problem for her.  But she is still amazing, and supportive, and still standing right here by my side through it even though certain things are going to be going away, and she is going to be seriously affected by that.  And I feel incredibly bad about that.  And I have thought many times about secretly stopping the hormones and just sucking it up and remaining her man because I care so much about her and hate to see her so affected by this.  But those thoughts, even though they are as frequent and persistent as they are, pale in comparison to the absolute NEED to be myself.  A person can only "fake it" for so long before the transdemons surface and you either live in sadness, depression and misery to keep someone else happy, or you do what you have to do for yourself to be truly happy, which puts you in a better place to be a more present and engaged partner to your spouse/partner and other family members.