Life ov imprisonment

[Chelsey_Despair]

I am fully stuck at my dads disgusting spider filled no hot water no food dirty decrepit house... And to top it off my dad is a complete ahole about me being on hrt i'm definitely noticeably changing and he likes to pretend nothings going on like i'm still the son he never had... He's a complete everything phobe and all he does is mock everything and talk immaturely and derogatory about every single woman anywhere and the constant transbashing gaybashing OMFG! I cant take this hell much longer... Im unfortunately on disability because of long term ptsd mostly initiated by my dad being a psychological torturer... I swear he wanted me to be like a serial killer or something... So I literally have no where to go and nothing to do most of the time but pace and wonder when am I going to get free from here him and this depressing house of arachnid horror... Okay i'm done...

[Mariah]

So sorry to hear what your going through. I'm not sure where you are, but you may be able to get on low income housing. It would at least get you away from the nightmare your living now. Hugs
Mariah

[Beth Andrea]

Talk to someone, like your caseworker or 911. Ask them for options for crisis housing. It might take a day or two, but there is always somewhere to go.

There are places to go, you don't have to stay! That kind of "housing" you're in is not acceptable given your disability.

Prison is NOT worth it, no matter who the a-hole is.

[Chelsey_Despair]

Thanks Mariah yeah I could qualify for low income housing i'm just so used to living in rural areas that its like overwhelming to think of moving into an urban area... Idk what to do anymore... I'm waiting on some kind of miracle which is so stupid... I'm wasting my life in procrastination and I can't seem to break the downward spiral... Although i'm not super depressed i'm just frustrated at my fear of people and taking charge of my life situation... Idk i am bipolar so maybe its just today its a down day...

[Mariah]

It could be, but regardless your health issues are not being helped by staying in that situation. Crisis housing as Beth mentioned is another option. Hugs
Mariah

[Chelsey_Despair]

Talk to someone, like your caseworker or 911. Ask them for options for crisis housing. It might take a day or two, but there is always somewhere to go.

There are places to go, you don't have to stay! That kind of "housing" you're in is not acceptable given your disability.

Prison is NOT worth it, no matter who the a-hole is.

Its been offered to me by my therapist but i'm honestly terrified... And i'm scared of my father and he makes everything out to seem like i'm abandoning him... He guilts me into feeling wrong about leaving... I'm just an overall scared person it's like I need someone to hold my hand... I just feel so alone

[Stevie]

 Sounds like you have more to gain by leaving, staying there is poisoning your soul. Getting out of the rural area could be good for you as well.

[Chelsey_Despair]

Yeah i just had a visit from my mom... And she wants to get a place next month and said she had some work for me sooo hopefully i'm out of here next month! I'm gonna keep thinking positive about that becoming a reality... Although my mom is really unreliable... Maybe she can help me just this once and i can finally find some kind of peace in a decent place to live...

[Beth Andrea]

Its been offered to me by my therapist but i'm honestly terrified... And i'm scared of my father and he makes everything out to seem like i'm abandoning him... He guilts me into feeling wrong about leaving... I'm just an overall scared person it's like I need someone to hold my hand... I just feel so alone

Good, so you know there are options!

Tell your therapist that you are terrified. S/he will help you learn coping skills as well as know where life skills can be learned. Both are important to you, because it doesn't seem like you have good parents (meaning, healthy for your needs).

When your father "guilts" you into feeling anything (good or bad) that is called "emotional abuse." That is yet another reason to move out.

And yes, I know how it feels to want/need someone to hold one's hand. I was the same way! My ex (then wife) actually got me a teddy bear to use for comfort because she wasn't willing to even touch me on the hand...Teddy became a good friend for several years, and I met a few people who had the same need and the same solution. It's not weird to have a comfort animal or toy, if humans aren't stepping up.

Learn basic living skills (those are probably part of the fear of moving out on your own), coping skills to help overcome the anxiety, and find someone to be a face-to-face friend (someone who doesn't want to go to bed with you or bum money off of you).

*hugs*, hope for the best!

[Chelsey_Despair]

Thanks Beth! Everything you said is spot on correct... I used to be married too and I have two daughters that she took away... I havent seen them in 3 years now... I spent 15 years with her and I guess having someone with me all the time to being all alone just set me back... I'm happy that it's over because it wasn't meant to be in the first place... And as far as contact sometimes I hold my pillow at night so I don't feel so alone and it's comforting actually... And as far as friends are concerned it seems like everyone I meet wants the 2 things that you mentioned... I'm hoping to make new friends soon real friends and i'm definitely done with abuse... Hugs, Chelsey

[Beth Andrea]

Wow, we're similar in recent history!

I was married for 23 years, she and I were emotionally dependent on each other (I for a "mother figure", she for a "ideal husband") We had 3 kids, haven't interacted with them since we separated (2012, divorced in 2013).

When I moved out I was terrified too. I played the "what if..?" game before moving out to try and get a feel for what might happen. My biggest worry was quiting my job and fleeing to live in my car...but since I thought that might happen, I was able to make a mental workaround. After just a few months I knew I was going to be able to live on my own, and in fact came to love it and begin thriving. Teddy was very important during that time, as was journaling and drawing pictures showing how I felt.

I have tried to keep in touch with my kids, but they keep their distance...but I still have to live and heal, so I'm doing this without them. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do!

[C. Raine]

I am fully stuck at my dads disgusting spider filled no hot water no food dirty decrepit house... And to top it off my dad is a complete ahole about me being on hrt i'm definitely noticeably changing and he likes to pretend nothings going on like i'm still the son he never had... He's a complete everything phobe and all he does is mock everything and talk immaturely and derogatory about every single woman anywhere and the constant transbashing gaybashing OMFG! I cant take this hell much longer... Im unfortunately on disability because of long term ptsd mostly initiated by my dad being a psychological torturer... I swear he wanted me to be like a serial killer or something... So I literally have no where to go and nothing to do most of the time but pace and wonder when am I going to get free from here him and this depressing house of arachnid horror... Okay i'm done...

Omg I actually found my old post!!!! Holy helvete!!! Times have surely changed for the better woot!!! Awesome old rant from the hell that was my fathers shack in the woods... I'm out of there almost 2 years now and doing pretty damn good!!!

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[Roll]

Omg I actually found my old post!!!! Holy helvete!!! Times have surely changed for the better woot!!! Awesome old rant from the hell that was my fathers shack in the woods... I'm out of there almost 2 years now and doing pretty damn good!!!

Sent from my LG-H872 using Tapatalk

Wow, this is an amazing story, it shows how life can get so much better if you hold on!

(Now time to see how many people awkwardly reply to the first post thinking its new like I almost did... )

[C. Raine]

Wow, this is an amazing story, it shows how life can get so much better if you hold on!

(Now time to see how many people awkwardly reply to the first post thinking its new like I almost did... )

Hahaaa awesome its so strange to come across old dark times... Not like everything is picture perfect but it's certainly considerably better than way back then! Thanks for noticing and yes things can get better!

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[Sno]

How long have you known my dad.? Did you spot the autism?

Rowan

[C. Raine]

How long have you known my dad.? Did you spot the autism?

Rowan

Im sorry I dont quite understand and im not trying to be mean honestly what am I missing here? Please tell me?

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