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The Roll Show! (Filmed Live in Front of a Studio Audience)

Started by Roll, November 08, 2017, 09:52:07 AM

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Northern Star Girl

Quote from: amberwaves on April 30, 2018, 04:38:37 PM
Just be aware that as hrt works it's magic you may lose a little bit of size on your feet as the ligaments and tendons alter slightly.  This is not universal, but happened to me.  I bought a really cute pair of wedges at the beginning and now I can't even really wear them if I expect to walk anywhere.

@amberwaves    YES, true for many, and as for you that's exactly what happened with me.   
In my old male past I wore a men's size 7½  ( I was a small puny guy at 5' 4" ...
...if I fluffed my hair it might have been 5'5")

Before HRT, with women's shoes I could comfortably wear a women's size 9 ....  after over 3 years later of HRT I am now comfortably wearing a women's size 8 or 8½ in most styles.
Hugs,
Danielle

Note: Weight loss or weight gain has a lot to do with how shoes fit and the size needed.
****Help support this website by:
Subscribing !     and/or by    Donating !

❤️❤️❤️  Check out my Personal Blog Threads below
to read more details about me and my life.
  ❤️❤️❤️
             (Click Links below):  [Oldest first]
  Aspiringperson is now Alaskan Danielle    
           I am the Hunted Prey : Danielle's Chronicles    
                  A New Chapter: Alaskan Danielle's Chronicles    
                             Danielle's Continuing Life Adventures
I started HRT March 2015 and
I've been Full-Time since December 2016.
I love living in a small town in Alaska
I am 45 years old and Single

        Email:  --->  alaskandanielle@
                             yahoo.com
  •  

Stevi

Hope my shoe size drops from the 12 to something that a few stores carry and something that the manufactures will make in a few extra color and styles.  Twelves are hard to find and the selection is sparse when you do.

Stevi
  •  

amberwaves

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on April 30, 2018, 05:34:42 PM
@amberwaves    YES, true for many, and as for you that's exactly what happened with me.   
In my old male past I wore a men's size 7½  ( I was a small puny guy at 5' 4" ...
...if I fluffed my hair it might have been 5'5")

Before HRT, with women's shoes I could comfortably wear a women's size 9 ....  after over 3 years later of HRT I am now comfortably wearing a women's size 8 or 8½ in most styles.
Hugs,
Danielle

Note: Weight loss or weight gain has a lot to do with how shoes fit and the size needed.
I don't think this is weight attributed.  I've fluctuated between 165 and 240 during my adult life and it never had any impact on my shoe size.  I don't out weight on my feet and hands so I assume it's the hormones.
  •  

Roll

Well, today turned a bit crappy. I thought I was doing so well, had some plans tonight to stay fully dressed up all evening. Took an initial picture or two and felt okay about it, but then when my sister took a few and I saw them... I just... I dunno. I hated the way I looked in a very visceral way. All I could manage to see was that I'm still too fat in a definitively guy way and I'm not losing weight, my biceps are just too big(why the hell do I even have them, I do nothing for them...), the wigs look awkward and unrealistic, etc... I've just been sitting here wanting to cry. I want to start attempting part-time, but I can't do it feeling this way about myself. I haven't felt sorry for myself like this in quite a while.
~ Ellie
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
I ALWAYS WELCOME PMs!
(I made the s lowercase so it didn't look as much like PMS... ;D)

An Open Letter to anyone suffering from anxiety, particularly those afraid to make your first post or continue posting!

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5/21/18 - FIRST DAY OUT AS ME!!!!!!!!!
6/08/18 - 2,250 Hair Grafts
6/23/18 - FIRST PRIDE!
8/06/18 - 100%, completely out!
9/08/18 - I'M IN LOVE!!!!
2/27/19 - Name Change!

  •  

Laurie

  Oh my gosh Ellie, I know the feeling as do most of us. Hasn't anyone ever told you cameras are not very flattering unless you know how to use them like a professional does. Your everyday lighting isn't helpful. without proper lighting many of of don't look good. It could be as easy as that. Your setting for the pictures make a difference too. Background clutter even lines of doorways and furniture can alter the effects of a picture if they are in it.. You pictures could be affected by any or all of those things and more.
  You want to see a good picture find someone that knows how to take good pictures with a good camera. The difference can be night and day. Quit beating yourself up. sure you are perfect girl but who among us are. Even those that are in better shape of have cute appearance are frequently not satisfied with their own pictures. Lighten up girl, you're cute. You're avatar pictures have shown that to all of us. forget the critique and get on with your plans girl.

Hugs,
   Laurie
April 13, 2019 switched to estradiol valerate
December 20, 2018    Referral sent to OHSU Dr Dugi  for vaginoplasty consult
December 10, 2018    Second Letter VA Psychiatric Practical nurse
November 15, 2018    First letter from VA therapist
May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone



  •  

Northern Star Girl

Quote from: Roll on May 02, 2018, 07:57:57 PM
Well, today turned a bit crappy. I thought I was doing so well, had some plans tonight to stay fully dressed up all evening. Took an initial picture or two and felt okay about it, but then when my sister took a few and I saw them... I just... I dunno. I hated the way I looked in a very visceral way. All I could manage to see was that I'm still too fat in a definitively guy way and I'm not losing weight, my biceps are just too big(why the hell do I even have them, I do nothing for them...), the wigs look awkward and unrealistic, etc... I've just been sitting here wanting to cry. I want to start attempting part-time, but I can't do it feeling this way about myself. I haven't felt sorry for myself like this in quite a while.

Ellie: Please don't beat yourself up over all of this.  Did your sister agree with your assessment of how you thought you looked?  It is always nice to have a cis-female to give opinions on things like this.  I know from my own experience that before I came out Full-time I had moments that I thought that I could never pass... and sometimes I didn't...  but don't let that stop you from continuing to try to get out there.  You will continue to improve your female image as you keep practicing and being out there.   
Usually at awkward stages like you are having, get a female friend to accompany you...... like your sister perhaps ???
So, if you fall off the horse, get back on and start riding again..... 
I don't know what else to say other than be patient with your transition, it can not be hurried but you can do things to help it along... with your clothes, your shoes, your makeup, your hair, your mannerisms and movements, etc.... 
Please tell me that you will not feel the way that you are feeling for much longer.  Tomorrow is a new day.

Hey, by the way, if you read my "chronicles" thread yesterday and today you will know that I had a really bad bummer day yesterday... a really bad bummer day.....   but today, the sun came up, the world is still turning... and my day today has been terrific.
Please keep your updates coming and try to be positive.
Hugs, and more hugs.
Danielle
****Help support this website by:
Subscribing !     and/or by    Donating !

❤️❤️❤️  Check out my Personal Blog Threads below
to read more details about me and my life.
  ❤️❤️❤️
             (Click Links below):  [Oldest first]
  Aspiringperson is now Alaskan Danielle    
           I am the Hunted Prey : Danielle's Chronicles    
                  A New Chapter: Alaskan Danielle's Chronicles    
                             Danielle's Continuing Life Adventures
I started HRT March 2015 and
I've been Full-Time since December 2016.
I love living in a small town in Alaska
I am 45 years old and Single

        Email:  --->  alaskandanielle@
                             yahoo.com
  •  

Roll

My sister was almost mad at me for feeling like I did, and kept insisting I looked great. I really don't know why this hit me like it did today. I dunno, I guess I feel sort of weird in general and actually took a nap after posting that (which while usually not good during the evening, I'm still feeling really tired and might just call it a night really early for me). I sort of regret posting that now, as I guess I am coming back out of it already. ;X
~ Ellie
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
I ALWAYS WELCOME PMs!
(I made the s lowercase so it didn't look as much like PMS... ;D)

An Open Letter to anyone suffering from anxiety, particularly those afraid to make your first post or continue posting!

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5/21/18 - FIRST DAY OUT AS ME!!!!!!!!!
6/08/18 - 2,250 Hair Grafts
6/23/18 - FIRST PRIDE!
8/06/18 - 100%, completely out!
9/08/18 - I'M IN LOVE!!!!
2/27/19 - Name Change!

  •  

Laurie

  Coming back out of it is a good thing Ellie. I would believe what your sister said. Besides it's better than what mine says to me. She says I'm getting a butt!!  I think she's jealous.

Hugs,
   Laurie

  Goodnight Ellie, sweet dreams. Go to bed

April 13, 2019 switched to estradiol valerate
December 20, 2018    Referral sent to OHSU Dr Dugi  for vaginoplasty consult
December 10, 2018    Second Letter VA Psychiatric Practical nurse
November 15, 2018    First letter from VA therapist
May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone



  •  

Laurie

April 13, 2019 switched to estradiol valerate
December 20, 2018    Referral sent to OHSU Dr Dugi  for vaginoplasty consult
December 10, 2018    Second Letter VA Psychiatric Practical nurse
November 15, 2018    First letter from VA therapist
May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone



  •  

Roll

Quote from: Laurie on May 02, 2018, 09:24:36 PM
Psssssst Your avatar looks good.

I liked it but it made me realize fully why everyone on TV has to wear makeup. ;D My makeup-less neck looks like its the same color as the white top I'm wearing while my face is remotely human flesh tone courtesy of said makeup.
~ Ellie
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
I ALWAYS WELCOME PMs!
(I made the s lowercase so it didn't look as much like PMS... ;D)

An Open Letter to anyone suffering from anxiety, particularly those afraid to make your first post or continue posting!

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5/21/18 - FIRST DAY OUT AS ME!!!!!!!!!
6/08/18 - 2,250 Hair Grafts
6/23/18 - FIRST PRIDE!
8/06/18 - 100%, completely out!
9/08/18 - I'M IN LOVE!!!!
2/27/19 - Name Change!

  •  

amberwaves

Quote from: Roll on May 02, 2018, 11:04:01 PM
I liked it but it made me realize fully why everyone on TV has to wear makeup. ;D My makeup-less neck looks like its the same color as the white top I'm wearing while my face is remotely human flesh tone courtesy of said makeup.
My neck is red as crap and my chest is pale so there's a cut off line.  Point being don't feel bad.
  •  

Roll

Was sort of arbitrarily looking up trans resources in the area to make sure I didn't miss any groups or anything, and found out that my hometown of Augusta(born there, lived there until about 5, moved to St Louis for a bit then to where I am now, then back to Augusta from 2002-2014 when my mom died and I came back down here) has one of the few pride parades in Georgia, towards the end of June. I have never thought of myself as a pride parade person, but I admit, I am intrigued and seriously considering going. It's about a 4 hour drive but I can stay with my brother so wouldn't have to pay for a hotel or anything.

They are also having some party stuff the night before the parade(open concert earlier in the evening, at a club later) and day after the parade. I've been a shut-in for so long, I confess... I've never been to a party, much less a night club. But I dunno. I... sort of want to go? I'm having an anxiety attack just thinking about it almost two months before.
~ Ellie
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
I ALWAYS WELCOME PMs!
(I made the s lowercase so it didn't look as much like PMS... ;D)

An Open Letter to anyone suffering from anxiety, particularly those afraid to make your first post or continue posting!

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5/21/18 - FIRST DAY OUT AS ME!!!!!!!!!
6/08/18 - 2,250 Hair Grafts
6/23/18 - FIRST PRIDE!
8/06/18 - 100%, completely out!
9/08/18 - I'M IN LOVE!!!!
2/27/19 - Name Change!

  •  

Sarah_P

Hey, jump on a plane or test your driving skills and join us for Kansas City Pride 6/1-6/3! ... Hmm, that sounded like an advertisement. Wasn't really meaning to.

This is the first time I've ever been to a pride event. I've been to city & county festivals and carnivals, but never anything like this. I've got my t-shirt all ready to go, too (to be unveiled at a future date)! I've never been to a bar or club, either. I don't really drink, and neither does Alexa, so not a big interest for either of us.
--Sarah P

There's a world out there, just waiting
If you only let go what's inside
Live every moment, give it your all, enjoy the ride
- Stan Bush, The Journey



  •  

Roll

Quote from: Sarah_P on May 03, 2018, 11:52:20 PM
Hey, jump on a plane or test your driving skills and join us for Kansas City Pride 6/1-6/3! ... Hmm, that sounded like an advertisement. Wasn't really meaning to.

This is the first time I've ever been to a pride event. I've been to city & county festivals and carnivals, but never anything like this. I've got my t-shirt all ready to go, too (to be unveiled at a future date)! I've never been to a bar or club, either. I don't really drink, and neither does Alexa, so not a big interest for either of us.

If I had money I'd be there in a heartbeat!

As a complete non drinker (never had any in my life except for tasting a bit of wine for cooking purposes), I'm not super big on the club part of the evening planned, but it seems like it would be something to see just for the experience.

Random additional comment: Yesterday I was walking around in a sort of loose top with leggings and visible sports bra on underneath the top. My sister immediately said "you look like a hot yoga mom". Not... entirely sure how to take that. ;D
~ Ellie
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
I ALWAYS WELCOME PMs!
(I made the s lowercase so it didn't look as much like PMS... ;D)

An Open Letter to anyone suffering from anxiety, particularly those afraid to make your first post or continue posting!

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5/21/18 - FIRST DAY OUT AS ME!!!!!!!!!
6/08/18 - 2,250 Hair Grafts
6/23/18 - FIRST PRIDE!
8/06/18 - 100%, completely out!
9/08/18 - I'M IN LOVE!!!!
2/27/19 - Name Change!

  •  

Roll

Just posted these in Fabulous, but I wanted to stick them here too with a little elaboration.

So first things first, as I said in Fabulous, excuse the beard shadow. But holy crap... Laser is a miracle. This is a full day's growth after only 3 sessions, and when I started a fresh shave looked like a week's growth for most people. Makes me so excited to see where I'll be after six sessions when I head to New York.

Second, you can basically see in the pictures that my chest is completely smooth. That used to be impossible for me. Coarseness and darkness of hair always left visible stubble behind, and that I can casually shave with a quick once over now shows I'm not just imagining the quick response on body hair reduction. <3 you HRT.

Third, the pictures...! So my step mother was giving away some of her old jewelry and asked my sister and I if I we wanted any of it. This necklace was the only thing that stuck out to me, but that aside... I want to just scream out in joy at being included on that. It is such an incredibly wonderful feeling, and there are not words to describe how accepted that makes me feel. (My sister also told me yesterday when we were talking about pronouns that she is just waiting for me to tell her I'm comfortable with her using female name and pronouns, and she's happy to switch over whenever.) But the necklace didn't go with the Star Wars shirt I was wearing (which... I wore yesterday too and just now realized it was Star Wars day... feels a little on the nose now looking back), so I had to go get dressed.

In the Fabulous thread I mentioned  funny/awkward thing. So there has been a roofer working here for a few months now, and he was done but my dad rehired him to come over and tear down this overhang. Thats... right outside my window. And I forgot about that. So I'm getting dressed up, and then it hits me that there is movement behind the blinds. Awwwwwwwwwwwwkwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard. But honestly? It didn't really bother me other than being half naked (ie: the dressing in women's clothes part). I don't think he necessarily saw anything, the blinds were closed but I can't be sure because they have tiny gaps between them that if you looked you could certainly see through. So that was fun. ;D

PICTURES NOW:



And one last thing that also made my day. So I've switched over entirely to the pink women's tennis shoes I bought last weekend, trying to push my limits in public, and so far no one has commented if they noticed until now. I had to make a quick run to the post office which is by Huddle House (Waffle House like chain for those in an area without them), so I ate there real quick. I held the door open for an older woman with a walker, and she said in the sweetest voice "you have pretty shoes". So first comment I've gotten in public about my appearance and it was a compliment. ;D
~ Ellie
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
I ALWAYS WELCOME PMs!
(I made the s lowercase so it didn't look as much like PMS... ;D)

An Open Letter to anyone suffering from anxiety, particularly those afraid to make your first post or continue posting!

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5/21/18 - FIRST DAY OUT AS ME!!!!!!!!!
6/08/18 - 2,250 Hair Grafts
6/23/18 - FIRST PRIDE!
8/06/18 - 100%, completely out!
9/08/18 - I'M IN LOVE!!!!
2/27/19 - Name Change!

  •  

PurpleWolf

!!!REBIRTH=legal name change on Feb 16th 2018!!!
This is where life begins for me. It's a miracle I finally got it done.


My body is the home of my soul; not the other way around.

I'm more than anything an individual; I'm too complex to be put in any box.

- A social butterfly not living in social isolation anymore  ;D -
(Highly approachable but difficult to grasp)


The past is overrated - why stick with it when you are able to recreate yourself every day
  •  

davina61

Ditto my reply in fab darling, still waiting for body hair to retreat so well done you . As Ashley would say ROCKIN IT GIRL!!!!!!! Full time soon then
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017
GRS 2021 5th Nov

Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever
  • skype:davina61?call
  •  

Roll

Quote from: davina61 on May 05, 2018, 02:47:37 PM
Ditto my reply in fab darling, still waiting for body hair to retreat so well done you . As Ashley would say ROCKIN IT GIRL!!!!!!! Full time soon then

I'm pushing for it! ;D

Thank you both, I'm hoping one day I can pull off the dress more confidently. For now I feel like my legs are still too muscular and I definitely need cleavage. ;D (Legs not bad in pants though at all, definitely look a bit off bare.)
~ Ellie
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
I ALWAYS WELCOME PMs!
(I made the s lowercase so it didn't look as much like PMS... ;D)

An Open Letter to anyone suffering from anxiety, particularly those afraid to make your first post or continue posting!

8/30/17 - First Therapy! The road begins in earnest.
10/20/17 - First coming out (to my father)!
12/16/17 - BEGAN HRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5/21/18 - FIRST DAY OUT AS ME!!!!!!!!!
6/08/18 - 2,250 Hair Grafts
6/23/18 - FIRST PRIDE!
8/06/18 - 100%, completely out!
9/08/18 - I'M IN LOVE!!!!
2/27/19 - Name Change!

  •  

Laurie

  Damn girl!  Love the dress, necklace, and the girl wearing then. You have the right to feel happy with the affirmation you received from your mother and sister. Bask in it Hun. I'm with Davina, you could go full time soon if you get over the insecurities you have about it. I see a girl in those pictures and have for awhile now. Look in the mirror Ellie. There is a girl in it looking back at you.

Hugs,
  Laurie
April 13, 2019 switched to estradiol valerate
December 20, 2018    Referral sent to OHSU Dr Dugi  for vaginoplasty consult
December 10, 2018    Second Letter VA Psychiatric Practical nurse
November 15, 2018    First letter from VA therapist
May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone



  •  

Sarah_P

......WOW. You look amazing! And all the rest is Awesome! You'll be living as you before you know it!
I've got a few dresses I really want to wear, but I don't quite have proper cleavage for them. If I reeeealy push them up & in (probably need adhesives to hold them) I can have some decent cleavage showing. I'm sure you'll have boobs aplenty with enough time.
--Sarah P

There's a world out there, just waiting
If you only let go what's inside
Live every moment, give it your all, enjoy the ride
- Stan Bush, The Journey



  •