Faith's Progress

BrianaJ · August 13, 2018, 09:40:10 AM

Quote from: Faith on August 13, 2018, 09:26:43 AM

That said, here is one picture of me being fussed over that I can tolerate that I will share. Clickable link, not embedded. That way others can see it easy but it doesn't jump out at me. My nieces are ok with pictures being posted, I asked them already.

Very poor lighting, photographers we are not.
https://i.imgur.com/zcrUit5.jpg

I cannot bring myselt to link a finished product image. Anyone wanting to see that will have to send me a PM request. Why anyone would is beyond me though.

Hi Faith,

I got brave and worked up the courage to take a look. Awesome! It looks like you were having a lot of fun and I'm sure it turned out very cute. If only you could see what we see.

Northern Star Girl · August 13, 2018, 09:48:58 AM

Quote from: BrianaJ on August 13, 2018, 09:40:10 AM
Hi Faith,

I got brave and worked up the courage to take a look. Awesome! It looks like you were having a lot of fun and I'm sure it turned out very cute. If only you could see what we see.

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Yes, please listen to @BrianaJ .... "If only you could see what we see."

As is mentioned in many conversations here on the forums... we are our own worst critics.

Please Faith, we are your biggest fans here, we are not going to tell you something about your photos and appearance that we don't think would be true and supportive.

Hugs,
Danielle

Faith · August 13, 2018, 11:39:01 AM

I wish to clarify: I don't discount, nor am I trying to invalidate, anyone's opinion here. I accept it and appreciate it. Sometimes I can come off wrong and I don't mean what I type (or how I type it).

I'm actually getting more comfortable in this skirt today (but not the cold legs .. brrrr, drafty!!). So, dress/apparel-wise I am moving forward nicely, coaxed and forced sometimes, but forward. I've always had an eye for what looks good, I just have trouble seeing it when I wear it. That male look gets in my way.

Anyway, testing to see if Laurie and Michelle are paying attention, if they will put their heads together and choose one of the photos in the album that I linked them to, I will link one photo in a post (not embedded

) for others to view.

It is my own insecurity that I am trying to avoid, not deprive others of the chance to satisfy their curiosity.

Thank you all for your comments and feedback, I really do appreciate it.
Faith

Faith · August 13, 2018, 06:28:54 PM

While we wait for Laurie and Michelle to pick the least ugly picture - yup, made me think of you Jayne .. um, not sayin' you're ugly cause you're not. Just because of how you went off on me and .. hmm, I'm over-explainin' ain't I .....

Anyways, while we wait, I thought I'd post about something that happened last night which slipped my mind.

After my doo and was all dressed up, Lori dressed up too and .... we went to Walmart to strut, I mean shop. Before that we stopped at my daughters house. I almost didn't go in. They've not seen me in a skirt or dress yet. As I walked in the door my 6 year old granddaughter looked over at me and said, "Grandpa, you look beautiful ........ You look weird."

Leave it to little ones to give you both ends of the spectrum at the same time :/

JudiBlueEyes · August 13, 2018, 07:00:57 PM

Faith that is such a nice photo of the girls taking care of you. Your look is priceless!
Judi

Jayne01 · August 13, 2018, 11:52:33 PM

Hiya Faith,

I won't say anything about the "ugly" comment. You know what I'm thinking and you don't need me to harp on about it.

Your granddaughter sounds really cool. They are so innocent and unaffected by society at that young age that they will always speak their mind. There is never any wonder if they are just being nice. She must melt your heart every time she comes out with special comments like "beautiful" and "weird" in the same breath. Beautiful.....well, we have all been telling you that for some time now. Weird......I guess to a 6 year old seeing her grandpa transform from a man to a woman would create some confusion in her mind and associating the word "beautiful" with "grandpa" must feel unusual to her.

Great update. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Hugs,
Jayne

LizK · August 14, 2018, 05:36:17 AM

Quote from: Faith on August 13, 2018, 09:26:43 AM
Danielle. I freely admit that I have severe face and body dysphoria. I acknowledge this but acknowledgement doesn't equal acceptance. I see what I see and very rarely does it cut through and look different. The plus is, it does cut through sometimes and I look forward to each one. It never shows, to me, in pictures.

That said, here is one picture of me being fussed over that I can tolerate that I will share. Clickable link, not embedded. That way others can see it easy but it doesn't jump out at me. My nieces are ok with pictures being posted, I asked them already.

I cannot bring myselt to link a finished product image. Anyone wanting to see that will have to send me a PM request. Why anyone would is beyond me though.

I like the "being fussed over" part, probably why I enjoy haveing my hair done so much...never used to like to be fussed over at all but I have found it rather nice when I have actually allowed it. It happens so rarely...sigh

I hear you when it comes to seeing pics of yourself. I love it when I see "her" in them but it tears me up inside as well as outside when I can't or just see "him". The worst part for me about that is that I stopped looking because I hated to see "him" but what I also missed out on was seeing "her" I know it can be a bit like playing emotional russian roulette but each time I saw her she got a bit stronger.

I hope it turned out how you wanted

Takle care

Liz

Faith · August 14, 2018, 06:29:57 AM

Jayne, Yes, little ones absolutely speak their minds, my granddaughter is an expert at it without even trying. At least with her, 99% of the time, it's actually OK and not rude or insulting.

Liz, I'm glad you stopped in. Something in the way that you post resonates with me. I peruse your thread regularly throughout the day. I don't have an answer for your enhancements question, I can't even answer my own (except to say that I'm broke so it doesn't matter). And, yes, while my hair isn't exactly how I envisioned it, I am quite happy with it.

Judi .. a new 'face' in my thread. Welcome. Most of my nieces are 30ish. All of them are rainbow or supporters. They're awesome.

How did my day go yesterday that no one asked about (

) ... well ... it went well. I've never had so many compliments in one day, both about my hair and my outfit. Oddly, they didn't mention my face, guess I can't blame them ........

OHHH BRIANA!!
Too many replies, I'm losing track. I'm not sure what you saw but I saw lots of fussy hovering while I was sitting there

Danielle (sorry no @mentions for anyone, they don't work on my browser). You're really almost too positive and upbeat for me .... don't change!!

Faith · August 15, 2018, 05:50:09 AM

as promised. Laurie and Michelle picked out a couple pictures to link in. It was supposed to be one, maybe they couldn't agree (uh-ohhh)

I don't see any signs of a woman in there but, I did say I would link it in so here they are:

another fuss picture:
https://i.imgur.com/YltGxej.jpg

and one ¿finished? product picture:
https://i.imgur.com/WGDkYnZ.jpg

maybe someday the woman will show up.

LizK · August 15, 2018, 06:04:41 AM

Quote from: Faith on August 15, 2018, 05:50:09 AM

I don't see any signs of a woman in there but, I did say I would link it in so here they are:

maybe someday the woman will show up.

Faith that just sucks!! I wish I could take your photograph so I could show you what I see. I know how it feels to constantly look at peoples progress pictures and see their "her" in every one of them except your own. I hope that changes for you soon because "she" is there.

Take care

Liz

Northern Star Girl · August 15, 2018, 02:25:35 PM

Quote from: Faith on August 15, 2018, 05:50:09 AM
as promised. Laurie and Michelle picked out a couple pictures to link in. It was supposed to be one, maybe they couldn't agree (uh-ohhh)

I don't see any signs of a woman in there but, I did say I would link it in so here they are:

another fuss picture:
https://i.imgur.com/YltGxej.jpg

and one ¿finished? product picture:
https://i.imgur.com/WGDkYnZ.jpg

maybe someday the woman will show up.

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Please go easy on yourself. ...
... and @LizK is correct... we all wish that you could see what others see ...

As I have mentioned in a previous comment on your thread we tend to be our own worst critics.... we tend to be too close to the forest to see the trees.
Your two photos are wonderful.

The "finished product" photo show you as very beautiful in so many ways. Perhaps when you feel comfortable about doing it you can use that picture or others like it as your new and beautiful Avatar-Profile picture.

Thank you for posting and sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle

Jayne01 · August 15, 2018, 03:05:06 PM

Holy moly!!! Faith, the finish product picture is amazing!!! You look fantastic, feminine and the best smile I have seen on you so far. There is no "him" in that photo, only "her". WOW!!!!!

I second Danielle's vote to make that your profile picture. Of course only if you are comfortable doing so, no pressure.

I love your smile. You look so happy. Keep in doing whatever you are doing. "She" will eventually become visible to you just as we have been seeing her for quite some time now. Your brain needs to adjust to seeing the new you.

Did I mention you look fantastic!!!!!

Hugs,
Jayne

Laurie · August 15, 2018, 04:42:14 PM

Hi Faith,

Michelle and I agreed on Both pictures. The finished picture was the one we both liked for the smile in your eyes aa well as the one with your mouth. In it we could see that beautiful lady within in you peering out. The other picture we picked out for the "pictures or it didn't happen" value. That and the fun you and the girls were having. There is fun and joy within you Faith that goes beyond the words used to describe it. Open your eyes and see that lady within.

Hugs,
Michelle & Laurie

KathyLauren · August 15, 2018, 05:10:41 PM

Quote from: Faith on August 15, 2018, 05:50:09 AM
and one ¿finished? product picture:
https://i.imgur.com/WGDkYnZ.jpg

maybe someday the woman will show up.

Aw, hun, I wish you could see what we see. You are a beautiful woman. I love your smile!

Faith · August 16, 2018, 07:36:36 AM

Liz, Danielle, Jayne, Laurie & Michelle .. thank you .. I still can't see 'her' in any photo. I should add that Lori took one look at the smiling picture and agreed with all of you. She said she saw all woman, no man at all. I wish that I could

I despair of ever really seeing 'her' on any regular basis.

normal grump: I slept wrong and I have a pinch between my shoulder blades. I can't sit up straight, the shooting pain is too intense. It's constant down my arm, worse if I straighten up. It'll work out, it's happened before, hopefully sooner than later.

It was a mood swing night last night for both Lori and me. I was feeling better when she got home for lunch (evening shift) and looking forward to seeing her. She was tired and bummed from over-thinking things. I couldn't get an answer from her then. I stood on the steps and watched her head back to work feeling bad that I couldn't help her improve her day. I ended up changing into the dumpiest clothes I could find to fit my mood.

She felt better after she got home, it was already late, we ended up staying up longer talking through things and snuggling a bit.

I coaxed out of her what made her depressed earlier ... me. She was pondering finances trying to figure out how to pay for everything ... GRS/SRS/whatever acronym ... and coming up short. We have too many things to get fixed, I'm not on the list. I told her as much. I try not to think about it because we are not in a position financially to do anything, probably never will be.

On a plus note, she said that when she backed out of the drive to head back to work she had to stop and look at me. She said that I was really projecting my feminine side and looked very beautiful. I think it was rain-blur. Like using a soft-focus lens to hide all the flaws.

I had more to say, CRS is kicking in. Maybe later ...

Faith

Northern Star Girl · August 16, 2018, 10:39:17 AM

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Reading your update.... Thanks for posting your everyday, normal life events, good and bad, etc. .... life is not always rosy and happy and it is not always bad news. My days are usually a mix of both.

Writing out these things is certainly a good way for you to personally process your life events and to explore your feelings.... I know that from personal experience that when I am on the roller coaster of life and having emotional turmoil that jotting a few things down on my thread... and on my pen and paper journal... is really calming.

Thank you again for your update.... and do take your followers word for it, you looked terrific in your latest pictures... we have no reason to candy-coat our comments about that ....

I am always looking for your latest updates on your thread and your comments around the forums.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

steph2.0 · August 16, 2018, 05:32:42 PM

Faith, you know me well enough now, I guess, to know I'm not going to go over the top. That picture is really good, my friend. And I am so proud of you for making it your avatar. I hope you leave it up forever - at least until the next great pic. Congratulations!

Stephanie

KathyLauren · August 16, 2018, 06:29:03 PM

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 16, 2018, 05:32:42 PMAnd I am so proud of you for making it your avatar.

YES!! Your new avatar looks lovely, Faith. Thank you for putting it up.

JudiBlueEyes · August 16, 2018, 08:54:17 PM

Thanks for the welcome. I've been reading your thread for quite a while.

I love your new avatar! Keep smiling!
Judi

LizK · August 16, 2018, 10:05:09 PM

Quote from: Faith on August 16, 2018, 07:36:36 AM

She felt better after she got home, it was already late, we ended up staying up longer talking through things and snuggling a bit.

I coaxed out of her what made her depressed earlier ... me. She was pondering finances trying to figure out how to pay for everything ... GRS/SRS/whatever acronym ... and coming up short. We have too many things to get fixed, I'm not on the list. I told her as much. I try not to think about it because we are not in a position financially to do anything, probably never will be.

On a plus note, she said that when she backed out of the drive to head back to work she had to stop and look at me. She said that I was really projecting my feminine side and looked very beautiful. I think it was rain-blur. Like using a soft-focus lens to hide all the flaws.

I had more to say, CRS is kicking in. Maybe later ...

Faith

Lori sounds pretty amazing. She really looks out for you. When she says she can see you projecting your feminie side I bet she isn't talking just about the appearance stuff. What a fantastic ally to have.

I hope you are able to do the things you need to make you feel as whole and complete as you can, I know how difficult it can be to find a way to fund these things. I hope you do get on the list and in fact I hope you make it too the top.

Take care
Liz