How to come out as trans mtf to my sister?

[BeverlyRose]

Hi! My name is Beverly Rose and I am a 14 year old trans girl. I would like help in coming out to my older sister who is 17. I come from a very traditional, very conservative Catholic family. I even go to an all boy's Catholic school that teaches that anything that isn't the "norm" (aka heterosexual and cisgender) is a sin. My parents are both extremely transphobic and homophobic. They are always saying bad stuff about the LGBT, and I'm in there twice,being a trans lesbian girl. I really want to come out, at least to my sister, who is less religious and hateful than my parents. I hate my birth name (Benjamin) and male pronouns with a passion. Every time I hear them, I flinch and feel sick. I want people to start calking me Beverly and female pronouns. I want them to accept me as a girl. I've known I was a girl since I was really young, even before I knew the difference between boys and girls. But, I've always hid my feminine side because I've always known that my parents would punish me if they ever found out.

I really want to come out. I feel so uncomfortable. I hate my ugly, disgusting male body. I want breasts and curves. I want soft skin and long hair. I want to wear make up, dresses, skirts, and cute blouses. How am I supposed to do this? I'm so scared right now. I'm terrified. I've been so depressed lately. I've even started cutting my wrist in an attempt to cope. Whatdo I do? How do I tell my older sister about my true self?

I'm sorry that this has turned a bit rambly, but I just really need some help and advice right now. Thank you all in advance. 

[rorgg]

Let me just say that I was once in your situation and tried to suppress and contain my feelings and I REALLY regret it, I wish I'd gone ahead and tried to transition when I was still young enough to make a go of it.  Best of luck to you !

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. Unfortunately you  are in a difficult situation as your school and parents may not be accepting. The problem is that you have started to cut. You should do your best to stop cutting. If you are unable to, explain to your parents that you have depression. Hopefully they will have you see a therapist where you can discuss this without judgement. We will help you however we can but you need an adult in your life for support and a therapist may be the only solution.

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[MeTony]

Hello Beverly.

You are in a tough spot. I am very concerned about you cutting yourself. I have a 16-yo son who also cuts himself from time to time. I know telling you about scars won't help. Anxiety is hard to live with.

You need help with your depression and anxiety. You need another adult to talk to, IRL. We are here to listen, but you need someone you can trust, outside your family.

Can you tell your parents you are depressed? Can they help you to get a therapist and a psychiatrist? Therapist/psychologist is the one you are talking to about your thoughts and feelings. Psychiatrist takes care of blood tests and medication.

I really think it is acute. You need to talk about the depression with your parents. Cutting is not a "one time thing". It gets serious very fast because the brain wants a quick-fix to anxiety.

Before you get a therapist, try holding ice cubes instead of cutting yourself.


Tony