Hi, I am pre-trans 19 year old from Canada..
For the past 5 years I have been struggling with myself and identity. I'm sure such things aren't new to you...But it was very new and awkward to me..
I liked the thought of being a boy, I loved it even. I'd fantasize about it all the while I'd wake up the next day stuck in the same body. If it was day time and I thought of being a boy id feel ashamed and weird by myself. At night when it was just myself and my thoughts, id let myself dream. I thought maybe it was just a little whimsy on my part. I was going through so much at the time that I wanted to be anyone BUT myself...but I always latched onto that gender specifically.
a cup full of trauma and years of therapy got me through the toughest time in my life. My family situation was poor. To this day I do not speak to my father and have been diagnosed with PTSD, Reoccurring-depression, and severe social anxiety, and that was kinda part of being afraid of myself. I'm so scared of having people after me for who i am..i felt so weird and strange like a new creature and i was scared to be stomped on by my friends and family.
I came out around Halloween. Told a friend who had similar thoughts to me and then I made a facebook status to let everyone know. Because of my anxiety I rarely have anyone on fb who isn't family or who i do not talk to..so I decided a status would be the best way to tell everyone at once and not have strangers come after me.
They were supportive..in ways i did not expect. I have a traditional french catholic family.. Who found people who are trans or men who dress feminine or gay men kind of weird. Who think being lesbian is a phase of confusion, because girls are always affectionate right?
But they looked at me and said they were sorry that I was made to feel that way. That i was scared of them being awkward or ashamed of me and they gave me such love and I never felt so right in my skin like I do now, and I know with all my heart that this is me. That this is gonna be my life
They told me that male, female, gay or straight I'm still their grandchild and child and friend. And I know I'm lucky in ways so many out there aren't.
its been barely a month since then, and things been moving along. Ive started looking up websites and information, learning and hearing stories from people who have been where i am.
I'm doing really good now, I take medication to help with my anxiety, and i have a psychologist who i am seeing to help me with it too. But i still know so little about transitioning, and I would like to hear everyone's stories and get proper information on it..
Thank you for spending the time to read this, and thank you for accepting me on the site : )
