Having Children Pre-Transition

[Allie24]

Kids just seem like a nightmare. Not to mention that I don't have the heart to curse an innocent human being with my bad genetics.

I may never understand :/

[SiobhánF]

I've been married for 15 years and have had 5 kids with my wife. As for impregnating her, I focused more on her the whole time and how it felt to connect with her on an intimate level. I also really didn't understand my dysphoria until this past year, so it was easier to hold my discomfort and depression in the back of my mind. I felt a connection with those who pursued transition, when I saw stories of transgender women on TV as a kid. I thought that if I could magically wake up with female genitalia, I would be happy. To add onto that, my family was pretty conservative in regards to sex and gender roles, so I felt the sting of shame for the way I felt from the age of 5.

I married my wife right after high school, at the age of 18, and then I went into the Air Force the same year. With little time and energy to focus on anything but training and getting to my first duty station without failure, it was pretty easy not to let my dysphoria get to me (though, I really didn't know why I felt like I did, then). Once I began having kids with my wife, I focused more on the well-being of my wife and kids. To add to the factors that, I felt, kept me from revealing my trans identity, there was the "don't ask, don't tell" policy in effect and I worked in a maintenance career field. Maintenance is very non-politically correct and they speak their minds without filter. It's not hard to overhear the intolerance that surrounds you, so, not coming out became the rule for my survival, not the exception.

Of course, after I came out to my wife, she felt like she was lied to and that I stole a big part of her life. I can't blame her for that. Though she still feels that way, she is still as supportive as she can withstand. She cares about me, but she's still feeling the hurt. It almost makes me want to not pursue transition so as to be the man that she wants in her life. I just can't see myself surviving the deep depression and discomfort for the rest of my life.

TL;DR - I focused more on connecting with my wife and having kids with her, rather than the act of coitus, itself. While I enjoyed the feeling, I more wanted to be as close as possible to her.

[Allie24]

It never struck me that another benefit of having more awareness of this condition in this day and age and being able to take action early on spares not only trans people from the heartache of staying in the closet and coming out late, but also their spouses. It's like when gay people had to do the very same thing just to live in the culture at the time. It really does hurt someone when you tell them that the person they thought they were in love with was a lie. Hopefully future generations won't have to deal with much more of that.

[Roll]

It never struck me that another benefit of having more awareness of this condition in this day and age and being able to take action early on spares not only trans people from the heartache of staying in the closet and coming out late, but also their spouses. It's like when gay people had to do the very same thing just to live in the culture at the time. It really does hurt someone when you tell them that the person they thought they were in love with was a lie. Hopefully future generations won't have to deal with much more of that.

That is one of the reasons I am actually somewhat grateful for my odd circumstances. Living in isolation for my 20s sucked, but it also led to a nearly perfect situation for transition most people in their 30s don't have the luxury of due to things such as spouses, careers on the upswing, etc. Never thought I'd appreciate being agoraphobic.

[Faith]

Regarding my children, looking back I wouldn't have wanted to miss any of it, ups or downs. I have great children.

The how? As a (very)late bloomer, how do I say this, most of the time it was easy for me. If you bury something enough and add strong testosterone the physics takes care of itself. I do recall many instances, now that I think back, of fantasizing a submissive role and taking a submissive position (not trying to stereotypical here). And, also, the 'pretending' that her body was mine. Use you imagination, I won't be describing it.

I think I'll leave it summed up like that.

[Chloe]

. . . tell them that the person they thought they were in love with was a lie.

My 'ex' professes to still love me but I flat refuse to have sex with her, or anybody else for that matter, so in a way this thread discussion has come full circle, have wound up being dysphoric about male heterosexuality like you.

[RavenMoon]

After we were divorced, ex asked me if our marriage was a farce. She was very upset over that. We did not get divorced over me being trans, and she only found out a year or so after.

But I told her no, it wasn't a farce. I'm the same person I always was. It doesn't matter if I am in this body or a woman's body. I'm still the same person. And the things my ex loved about me are precisely because I'm trans; she said "now this all makes sense! You are not like any man I have ever met, but are more like the women I have known! You are caring and sensitive and I always loved that about you!"

Then a week later she got very angry and wrote a self published book about me. Lol.  You can't win 'em all!

But my point is people don't fall in love with someone just because of their physical attributes. It's the person they fall in love with. We might have had to live as the sex we don't feel we are, but it doesn't make us a lie or anything other than a human. [emoji16]


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[Alexa Ares]

Transgender identity is very varied. We may have similarities but are all different. I've been enamoured with voluptuous Goddess type women (think Marilyn Monroe, Kim Khardasian) since I was 10 years old.
Sex has been a big thing for me and still is.
Pursuing beautiful women is just part of my make up, and with sex and intimacy pregnancy happens. I was careful to only not use protection with women I was really connected to. And so my wife and I come to be.

It's tough at times, as my love for my wife and my lies to her make it hard to feel great about being who I am. Further having lived with high Testosterone levels for years And having a hostile life situation the idea of feeling vunrable physically isn't desirable.... Transgender is a journey.

I love my kids alot. I won't lie there are days where I reflect part of the reason for them was to feel more Male and dominant but ultimately I would not trade them for other life situations as they bring alot to my life and without them Mt marriage probably would not survive me coming out as trans.
Further I sometime feel having kids was something I needed to do before facing up to feelings I had held down for a long time.

My thoughts?  Don't have a child unless you are really really sure and kids ideally need two parents. Could be hetro, trans, gay. Lesbian but 2 of them please. That's just my view.... 

[SiobhánF]

... Don't have a child unless you are really really sure and kids ideally need two parents. Could be hetro, trans, gay. Lesbian but 2 of them please. That's just my view.... 

I couldn't agree more. <3

[Alexa Ares]

I couldn't agree more. <3

I relate alot to some of your previous post on this thread about how you feel about your wife . It's great how this board covers the spectrum of trans gender experiences.
It's nice knowing there are others like me out there for whom their wife Is everything to them.

I relate to how your wife feels and how finally I got to a point where I could not be miserable the rest of my life and had to come out about being Trans...

[Gertrude]

After we were divorced, ex asked me if our marriage was a farce. She was very upset over that. We did not get divorced over me being trans, and she only found out a year or so after.

But I told her no, it wasn't a farce. I'm the same person I always was. It doesn't matter if I am in this body or a woman's body. I'm still the same person. And the things my ex loved about me are precisely because I'm trans; she said "now this all makes sense! You are not like any man I have ever met, but are more like the women I have known! You are caring and sensitive and I always loved that about you!"

Then a week later she got very angry and wrote a self published book about me. Lol.  You can't win 'em all!

But my point is people don't fall in love with someone just because of their physical attributes. It's the person they fall in love with. We might have had to live as the sex we don't feel we are, but it doesn't make us a lie or anything other than a human. [emoji16]


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There's always more to the story. There are no coincidences...much to the dismay of some.


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