Happy to be the token?

[steph2.0]

I thought I was the token at my workplace, but to my surprise, I found out that not only was my boss MTF trans, but one of the employees in my department came out recently, too.

I did mention that I'm self-employed, right?

Sorrrry...

[KathyLauren]

I did mention that I'm self-employed, right?

Sorrrry...

*Smack*   

[Jessica Lynne]

Being the new girl with my friends has lost its luster. I'm just another chick at the table now. It's what I told myself I always wanted. Had to have it. Be accepted as one of the girls without any pretense. I've told them all that this was my goal. So they're either very graciousor very comfortable with me. I bandied it about in my head for a time but have decided to let it be. A time and a place for everything and all that.  The new people I meet can address it with me or leave it alone. It's all good. But I'm done announcing my unicorn status. That served its purpose and now its time to let it be. At some point, as a friend recently pointed out, it starts to look like I'm an attention whore and that's the antithesis of what I'm shooting for.

[steph2.0]

*Smack*   

Yeah, I deserved that. Thank you ma'am. May I have another?

Jessica Lynn, excellent observation. It's the kind of thing I hope for eventually, too. I have to admit, though, that the positive feedback I've received so far makes it attractive to look for someone else to tell, just to get another "hit" of acceptance. That's a dangerous game to play, though, partly because of the "attention whore" aspect, and partly because of the increasing probability of a bad outcome. So I'm trying to rein myself in and limit any new discussion to only what's required unless someone explicitly asks for detail.

Steph

[MaryT]

I thought I was the token at my workplace, but to my surprise, I found out that not only was my boss MTF trans, but one of the employees in my department came out recently, too.

I did mention that I'm self-employed, right?

Sorrrry...

LOL!

I don't think that I've been a token anything but I think that I would mind if I was one (although there is the possibly offensive old joke that black jewish lesbians will never be out of a job - mods please delete if necessary).

Re the offensive joke, I am a hypocrite.  I would take a good job even if I knew that it was because I was a token.  Heck, until my family fell on hard times, we lived in South Africa for a long time, mostly in the bad old days.  When I learned that my father left South Africa classified as "coloured" (South African for mixed race) but returned classified as "white", I was delighted that I might be able to use my "coloured" status to get a good job via "affirmative action".  How hypocritical is that?  (BTW South Africa's "coloured" population has increased significantly while the white population decreased significantly, and I read somewhere that it is largely because "whites" are often now calling themselves "coloured".  Not so great minds also think alike.)

[HappyMoni]

Being the new girl with my friends has lost its luster. I'm just another chick at the table now. It's what I told myself I always wanted. Had to have it. Be accepted as one of the girls without any pretense. I've told them all that this was my goal. So they're either very graciousor very comfortable with me. I bandied it about in my head for a time but have decided to let it be. A time and a place for everything and all that.  The new people I meet can address it with me or leave it alone. It's all good. But I'm done announcing my unicorn status. That served its purpose and now its time to let it be. At some point, as a friend recently pointed out, it starts to look like I'm an attention whore and that's the antithesis of what I'm shooting for.

Like Steph said there was a time when I got a high telling people of my 'adventure in gender.' That time is gone, and I don't bring it up except when some of my old friends ask about something. I am comfortable with this. Whether new people know I am trans or not, I  have no idea. I am treated with respect and I like the fact that the newbies only know Moni. Now I may have this opportunity to educate people and it isn't easy to give up the 'just being me' thing that I have come to be happy with, but I might be able to make a difference by re-outing myself in this forum at work. I always regretted when I came out to my entire job that I didn't ask people not to out me to new people. It is a juicey piece of gossip after all. It may all be that the limits of my ability to pass  outs me, but I am working to be less clockable in the future. Part of what I could 'teach' is to not out anybody, it is unkind and can be dangerous. So, I am still undecided as to what to do.
Moni

[Jessica Lynne]

Well.....of course the actualized opinion of others thoughts and comments about us should always be "your opinion of me is none of my business", but that is of course, easier said than done. It's an attitude I've tried to adopt without adopting an attitude.

[Devlyn]

Like Steph said there was a time when I got a high telling people of my 'adventure in gender.' That time is gone, and I don't bring it up except when some of my old friends ask about something. I am comfortable with this. Whether new people know I am trans or not, I  have no idea. I am treated with respect and I like the fact that the newbies only know Moni. Now I may have this opportunity to educate people and it isn't easy to give up the 'just being me' thing that I have come to be happy with, but I might be able to make a difference by re-outing myself in this forum at work. I always regretted when I came out to my entire job that I didn't ask people not to out me to new people. It is a juicey piece of gossip after all. It may all be that the limits of my ability to pass  outs me, but I am working to be less clockable in the future. Part of what I could 'teach' is to not out anybody, it is unkind and can be dangerous. So, I am still undecided as to what to do.
Moni

That hints at what I asked a few weeks ago: Transgender for the time transition takes, or living in the transgender zone?

Hugs, Devlyn

[davina61]

Its my first day at work tomorrow as Davina, must ask for a new name badge!!!!! Not that I wear it as it gets ripped off when working. Also need to change details on pay and holiday site, wonder if anyone in HR will notice?

[Bari Jo]

Nice Davina, I will be following you in a couple months I'm sure.  It's hard to hide with all I've been doing.  You've got to tell us if you feel you are the token.

Now OT and somewhat on topic.  Every time I see this topic title I read it as, "Happy to be taken?"  and the answer is yes, always!  Then I remember it's token, dammit!

Bari Jo

[HappyMoni]

That hints at what I asked a few weeks ago: Transgender for the time transition takes, or living in the transgender zone?

Hugs, Devlyn

Devlyn, are you claiming copy write infringement?

When I am still around people who knew me before, I live in the transgender zone. They knew me as another person. If I am around strangers, I don't want to be in that zone, so it is not necessarily an either or proposition. 

Good luck Davina!

Bari Jo, you're encourageable, Girl!

[Toni]

Ha!  I've been the "token ......." a few times, but most actually provided me an opportunity and gave me power that I used to do some good, probably to the surprise of those who anointed me.  When I came out at the VA (small town) it was delightfully funny to observe everyone tripping over themselves with PC, some out of requirement, some with genuine caring.  It wasn't until one of the nurses took me aside, I'm sure he had been delegated, and explained that I was their first and only trans person and they didn't know how to act around me.  Did I want to be called by a different name?, What pronouns should they use, etc.?  When I assured them Toni(y) works either way and I wasn't going to fuss about pronouns and just wanted to please be helped when I needed it like anyone else, they breathed a collective sigh of relief and smiled and all was good.  They were afraid of me!  I saw an opportunity to be a good example and didn't have it in my heart to be a jerk in any case.  Would have been nice for this to not even have prompted a discussion though.  Toni
     

[HappyMoni]

Ha!  I've been the "token ......." a few times, but most actually provided me an opportunity and gave me power that I used to do some good, probably to the surprise of those who anointed me.  When I came out at the VA (small town) it was delightfully funny to observe everyone tripping over themselves with PC, some out of requirement, some with genuine caring.  It wasn't until one of the nurses took me aside, I'm sure he had been delegated, and explained that I was their first and only trans person and they didn't know how to act around me.  Did I want to be called by a different name?, What pronouns should they use, etc.?  When I assured them Toni(y) works either way and I wasn't going to fuss about pronouns and just wanted to please be helped when I needed it like anyone else, they breathed a collective sigh of relief and smiled and all was good.  They were afraid of me!  I saw an opportunity to be a good example and didn't have it in my heart to be a jerk in any case.  Would have been nice for this to not even have prompted a discussion though.  Toni
   

People are afraid of saying the wrong thing to people who are different. I see it where I work. It is a school for students with severe disabilities which is attached to a school with typically developing kids. We used to do a lot of having the kids from the attached school come over and help in our classrooms. You could  see those students go from being unsure and scared of our kids to very shortly pitching in and doing anything to help our kids. It was beautiful to see and their attitudes changed and seemed to change permanently. I have seen this on the transgender level. I see people who are unsure with me at first. I assume they have clocked me on these occasions. When they see I am just a real person, who cracks jokes, cares about our kids, and other 'normal' stuff, you see they start treating me fine. It's fear of the unknown. Nice post Toni!
Moni

[SadieBlake]

I don't feel like a token at all. It's true that within my immediate group of some dozen lab workers and about triple that number of students rotating every term, I'm the only trans person and for a few I may be their only direct experience.

However this is Cambridge ma and a lot of trans people seem to gravitate to here as it's a very accepting area so there's a couple of trans women I see nearly every day, numerous others I just see occasionally and then just random people on the street, a couple weekly and I'm unlikely to catch anyone who even vaguely passes so of course there's lots of passing trans people I just don't notice.

And so also nobody makes me feel like a token.

[Bari Jo]

Bari Jo, you're encourageable, Girl!

Hah! No encouragement needed!

Bari Jo

[steph2.0]

Hah! No encouragement needed!

Well, you're incorrigible, too! [emoji16]