You in no way look like a man, so being the man in a dress is not in your future. Ironing this out in a relationship is hard but not impossible. It does take a lot of work and you are trying to do that - kuddos to you. The fears are genuine and real but so are the opportunities. I doubt you would remain alone and i believe over time you would find other options for employment.
Your requests to your wife are certainly reasonable, but she may not be the sort of person that can look past whatever prejudice or thinking pattern that she has about this. Half acceptance is hard for anyone, it seems to me, you either embrace it as a spouse or you don't (although that may be just opinion) A good question to ask yourself is do you really believe you can stifle this in order to not be alone the rest of your life? What would the resentment level and quality of the relationship be under those circumstances? There are a lot of people out there that would be pleased to know the real you.
