Feeling Embarassed Switching Names?

[Gorgy_Love]

Hi everyone so I'm relatively new to these forums I'm mtf and 20 years old. I've been on Hormones for about 5 months now and recently now more than ever I've had dysphoria over my name. I've been in a lot of situations that require me to repeat my name and spell it out to people and I couldn't take it anymore. While I have been thinking about who I am it's been hard to find a name I really liked. For one reason or another I let people's opinions affect any name I even remotely liked or if I knew someone with that name already I would let that affect me. But now I realized I shouldn't care it's about Me. Well I guess in a hasty rush for people to quit calling me by my birth name I pulled a new first and last name out of the blue. The last name I like though so it'll stick and the first name I like too but that's where my issue lies. I think that I like it but that's it nothing more.

In quite a bold fashion I reactivated my Facebook after 6 months and told all my family what to call me from now on. So my grandma who is my next door neighbor came over asking questions about it and even though I'm not close to her she suggested a name that means something. After she left I couldn't really argue it and I kept thinking that the name I chose didn't really hold much meaning to me. As I thought about it old memories started to come back. When I was young around 12-13 it was a really dark time for me and I had no friends so to escape any chance I could I had this whole fantasy life in my head. I always saw this woman who was beautiful and kind and confident in herself who had the things out of life that I wanted like happiness. And even though she looked different in my head than little me did she had a name and I followed her life for 3 years untill I pushed those thoughts down and lived as a "gay boy". I can't help but think that all along she is who I saw myself as and now I don't know what to do. I feel unbelievably embarassed to tell anyone not even a week after making this big declaration and having everyone go along with it 

[Cindy]

Hi Honey,

I think this is quite a common problem.

Many of us leap into a name and haven't really thought it through. How does it look on documents, what does the signature look like, how does it sound. Do you really want that name called out in the waiting room? All of those things.

I had a problem were I needed (at the time) to keep my initials so that professional publications could be referred back to me. So I changed my first name to a feminine form of my ex-male name. In retrospect (oh what insight retrospection gives!) it was a dumb idea.

So legally that name is used and I don't like it and I go by my middle name Cindy, which I love.

So, I would suggest taking a little more time decide on your name and then make the break again. You can always say, 'My favourite relative gave me this new name and I am going to go by it' or something like that. I doubt that anyone will even miss a step. 

[steph2.0]

Hi Gorgy_Love,

Like Cindy, I feminized my first name, and since I've always been informal, told everyone that my friends call me Steph. That simplifies things by keeping my initials the same. The middle name, though, I spent a lot of time thinking about until I came up with something very meaningful, and I'm surprised that it's even had an emotional effect on those I've told about it. So you could stick with the first name you've already picked, make the meaningful one your middle name, and start using it, just like Cindy has.

Or better yet, just change the first one now before people get used to it. All individual and family dynamics are different, and only you can judge how the people in your life will respond, but I've found that most people really appreciate openness and honesty. You could use your grandma to help you with this, by just stating that after having a heart to heart talk with her, and doing some thinking about it, you've reached the conclusion that you picked your new name in haste, and have found one that has more meaning and suits you better. If they care about you they'll be honored to be included in your thought process, and should have no problem adjusting, especially since this is all new to them anyway.

Good luck and don't stress about it. You'll be fine.

Steph

PS: I chose my middle name by starting with a pattern that would flow when saying it with my first and last names. Then I went looking for a musical term, since I've always loved music, to hear and to make. I found one that describes a musical style that's defined as improvisational, appropriate since I'm making this up as I go, and joyful, and I'm certainly happier now. My middle name is Rhapsody.

[Kylo]

When I first went for a name and told people it was after obtaining a deed poll, one of the first things I heard then was that someone close to me was marrying someone with the name and I was unaware of this. I had got some legal documents drawn up already for it as well and had it changed with the medical stuff. So that was weird.

Decided it was best to use another name nobody I knew had, but that also meant something to me. It's taken a couple of years to eventually decide on one though. Like you I changed my name completely, last name and all, so it was a "big change" for people I suppose. Some of them wondered why I didn't keep my original unisex name but frankly I have a decent excuse to try something different so why not.

Anyway, I just said to them all, ok I'm fixing the name so it doesn't confuse people or seem strange. Nobody cared or minded. Probably better to do this early on than after months/years of them all getting used to the new name though.

I would advise choosing something with a personal connection. It seems to help if you're ever wondering if you're being too self-indulgent or doubtful etc.

[Selene]

Your name has great significance regarding how you identify your own self. Common reasoning . Still yet, it is a very important part of our lives. Early on, I felt peer pressure about my name change. Actually, I haven't legally changed it yet. I'm still raising the money I need for that since I want to appeal to a judge to have it changed privately. Lawyer fees and all that.

I don't have many people in my life for my preferred name to create much of an impact. Just my mother.

I always disliked (hated) the name I grew up with. Wade. Yuck

My mother told me a story the day I came out to her. As she told the story, she showed me my baby book. I never actually looked at my own baby book. It was tucked away in a storage place somewhere. Anyhow, my mom told me about when she was pregnant with me, she thought for sure that I was a (genetic) girl. Intuition, or something her doctor told her -I'm not sure.

Before I was born, she started writing in my baby book. When my mother was talking with me, she told me the name she had chosen was not the one I grew up with. I asked what name it was, and she opened the baby book up to the first page. Written in her hand was the name Angelina. After my aunt's namesake. I thought that was beyond neat, and that was the name I chose for myself initially.

I also chose to live in north Idaho. Long story that. I learned after the first year that my name Angelina would create problems in everyday life, especially in the workplace. Passability means everything in my region. I decided to choose a name for myself that would give me the most success. In part, the name I chose is a compromise, but it also has personal significance.

I chose Dana. Angelina is my middle name. Dana is androgynous enough so that I don't have workplace troubles. I like it very much personally. It feels right to me, and that is what is most important I think.

Your name is what you feel is right to you. It is you. It might not come right away, but eventually it will come.