I don't hate male cis me, just HAVE to be ME, anyone else?

[Marcieelizabeth]

A lot goes into we we are, but in my case there are things about the male me, that are/were good, and I did not hate being that person. In fact I had a pretty good life and lots of friends, but after I realized I was transgender, it was all over! No turning back, no accepting the old me as okay.

My SO has told me how much happier, how much nicer I am as I am transitioning.  I do not even notice the difference , But I am told it is absolutely true.  If that is not telling I do not know what is. I could not even hide it in the day to day life I was living as a man when I did not know! But I really did not have dysphoria...I really did not hate being male, it is just not who I am.  And I have to be who I am.

Anyone else have these sorts of feelings?

Love and Hugs, Marcie

[Denise]

Yes.

All of the above.

I never hated the male facade.  BUT now that I'm full time and have been for a few months, I've come to realize how hard it was pretending for 50 years.



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[Phoenix1742]

Dysphoria isn't about hating your gender, it's about feeling that your birth sex doesn't match your gender identity.

I'm in a very similar boat. I don't hate my male self, I just prefer my female self and feel more "at peace" with her - it isn't a case of Dave feeling wrong, as much as Sarah feels more right.

But it's something that I realize other people don't exactly see. To them, it becomes more of a different person, whereas I feel like it's just a different side of the same coin.

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[KathyLauren]

I too never hated my male gender.  Dysphoria is like that: it's not all about hating who you are.  Being male just wasn't me: that was dysphoria.  I wanted to be feminine: that was dysphoria.  I envied women: that was dysphoria.  I disliked having to pretend to be macho: that was dysphoria.  Cross dressing felt right and I didn't want it to end: that was dysphoria.

Now in hindsight, I see all those signs for what they were.  But at the time, I couldn't make sense of them, which is why it took me a lifetime to figure it all out.

[steph2.0]

 Marcie, Denise, Sarah, Kathy: Exactly. I have nothing more to add.

Steph

[bobbisue]

    Ditto


   Bobbisue

[Angela49]

That is exactly how I feel too!
Nice to know others see the same.

[Alexa Ares]

I relate to the above. I feel for Mtfs who experience alot of success in a hetro male role in terms of relationships, career, social status,  it will not be a case of hating being male, rather it will be in my case just feeling at some point in my life the pain of not expressing my identity fully was too much to deal with. Hence now feeling better I identify as a trans woman.

[Jailyn]

100% agree with the above!!! I didn't hate being my male self but, never fit right being male. Now that I am going on almost a year transitioning, I have never been happier or more comfortable in my skin. I did have some dysphoria but, never recognized it as such. I think too many of us wish to eliminate that piece of us completely and hide all the pictures. I feel it is a part of me that i don't necessarily need to kill or eliminate. I don't feel the need not to share it either. It's part of my journey and gives me reference. It tells me where I come from. I do want to be who I am though so if that involves my old self dying if you will then he will die and be reborn like the phoenix.

[steph2.0]

Marcie, Denise, Sarah, Kathy: Exactly. I have nothing more to add.

Ok, I will add something after all. I try to make a conscious effort to not refer to myself in that previous role in the third party, since he was me, not somebody else, and I'm not ashamed of that. It can be a convenient shortcut sometimes, though, to avoid a lot of verbal gymnastics. Heck, despite myself, I see that I actually did it above.

I'm being pretty open about my transition for anybody who has a need to know. And I'd earned a reputation for quality work in my small field, which I intend to try to trade on going forward. If it's unsuccessful, that's OK. I intend to use that reputation to help drum up new business, but my work will speak for itself without it. Not bragging, I'm just too anal to turn out something until it meets my own standards, which are ridiculous. I just don't know how to say, "good enough." Is that part of the INFJ-T thing I came up with in the Myers-Briggs thread?

But I digress...

Steph

[Jayne01]

I don't hate the male me either. That is part of the reason I had such a hard time accepting who I really am. I felt dysphoria similar to how Kathy described it above. Not accepting myself slowly eroded away any happiness I had until I hit rock bottom. But I still didn't hate being male. I had lots of practice being male and have a great career and a wonderful loving wife. What more could I possibly want.....right? Well it turns out I want to be a woman because that is who I have been on the inside the whole time, I just didn't know it yet.

Jayne

[Allison S]

I was just thinking about this. This is where 'some' of my doubt lies. But when I think about the rest of my life I envision myself as a female. I always set goals and I've (somewhat) achieved them up until this point. Funny enough I never went further into planning than my current age... until now.

It's like I somehow unknowingly planned to be financially independent and stable to finally transition. Sometimes I think I knew all along

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[Charlie Nicki]

This thread is great! I don't hate my male self either and that made me question my "transness" a lot. I actually think, modesty aside, that my male self is hot!! LOL. And I had so many GREAT experiences as a man. I can't deny any of that. But I've always felt being female was more in tune with the real me. And I'm happy to be in this journey.

[Becca Kay]

i don't 'hate' the man I am or was or whatever.  Also, I don't hate my given name.  I have often wished my given name was gender neutral so I could transition and not have to change everything.  I've been trying to think of a way that I could keep my first or middle name and somehow MAKE one of them into a female name.  But both are quite a stretch to attempt to use as a woman.

 

[Kylo]

The only thing I hated about the female aspect was dealing with the increased anxiety and desire for company. That really was estrogen or lack of testosterone related. It was difficult having a male outlook, habits and proclivities that were laid-back, but constantly subject to the emotional and psychological demands of estrogen. I realize now just how profound those were.

I'm at the point now where I am fully aware of the psychological stressor and suffering that was, how nice it is for it to have been dealt with, and just how much it may have contributed to some rocky times without me actually being able to see it. I've always considered myself fairly low-maintenance, but compared to my life now I know I must have been difficult to deal with at times. Perhaps even terrifying. How much of that is due to hormone/personality clash, general stress and lack of support, cumulative despair or other things I really don't know. But I can at least say I'm doing much better now.

I was frustrated with my own requirements and I seem to have been largely freed from them and from my anxiety. Which is better than any anti-depressant or anti-anxiety drug has ever been for me in the past.

I never hated myself though. I had problems, and still have some yet to solve but mentally I've never been at odds with myself.

[Roll]

Count me in on this! It is very much about what I want to be rather than what I am/was.

i don't 'hate' the man I am or was or whatever.  Also, I don't hate my given name.  I have often wished my given name was gender neutral so I could transition and not have to change everything.  I've been trying to think of a way that I could keep my first or middle name and somehow MAKE one of them into a female name.  But both are quite a stretch to attempt to use as a woman.

I had the same feelings about my male names, I actually always liked them. They just don't work for female unfortunately. (And while there are some slightly feminine versions of my first name, but I just don't like the sound of them. My middle name literally has no female variant to begin with, which is really rare.)

[ds1987]

It was not necessarily the male aspect of who I was that I hated, but I certainly hated myself in general. It was the systematic loathing I had hammered into myself that now makes it so difficult to accept myself even as I know I'm who I'm supposed to be


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[RobynD]

I've been told similar things about my happiness projection. I never hated the old me at all. There were things i disliked but that goes for everyone.

[Allison S]

The only thing I hated about the female aspect was dealing with the increased anxiety and desire for company. That really was estrogen or lack of testosterone related. It was difficult having a male outlook, habits and proclivities that were laid-back, but constantly subject to the emotional and psychological demands of estrogen. I realize now just how profound those were.

I'm the opposite!

And now I'm scared of my choice in partners because I don't have much experience.. hopefully down the line I'll feel more comfortable in myself.

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[tgirlamg]

It's like I somehow unknowingly planned to be financially independent and stable to finally transition. Sometimes I think I knew all along

Very insightful Sara!...

In hindsight, despite my best efforts throughout my life to bury and ignore who I truly am,  I think my entire life... I was moving towards my female life and making preparation for all that was to come in some way.... Our true path in life always patiently awaits but also firmly demands attention when the time is right!

Onward we go

Ashley