Am I trans or cis?

[Tbk]

I just signed up to this forum because I have to get some questions answered, I do t know if I am transgendered, I mostly hear about trans people saying that they have felt all their life that they were trapped in their body, but I don't feel that way, I am 15 years male and I feel like I want to be a girl, I have watched sissy porn for a long time and I also watch a lot af NSA and I am also very dominant in the bedroom and in life, but deep down I want to be the girls I see in the bdsm videos, don't get me wrong I like being dominant but it's nowhere close to being submissive, but I couldn't imagine being male and submisssive, I want to be a girl

But were I to stay a man I would not kill myself like many do, I would not get depressed, I don't feel like I was "born in the wrong body" I just would much more prefer to be a girl, dress in girl clothes, have sex like a girl, use makeup, be a girl in social situations.

I SM just scared that this is a phase and i Will regret it, and a am scared what My family and girlfriend Will say (she is bi so Its probably okay) and My
Friends Will think i am mad because they Belive trans is a phase or a serious  mental ilness.

I have Wanted to be a girl for about two years but I just started really thinking about the possibility of hormones and surgery this week and I was exited but I am so scared to tell my parents, but I don't know, if I do something now I might regret it, but if I don't I will have waited too long and be too manly to pass even with hormones and surgery


Sorry for my bad English I am not native, and if you don't understand something or wondering sometging please ask before making assumptions


If a mod reads this please move thread to correct location

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Tbk!

Welcome to Susan's.  Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.

You are young, and that is both good and bad.  It is good in that male hormones have not had time to alter your bone structur too much.  Bad in that you will need your parents' permission to get treatment.

Is there some kind of counsellor at your school.  That might be a way to get some support about how to talk to your parents.  Ideally, you should try to see a qualified gender therapist.

Don't worry about not having felt you were "born in the wrong body".  That is a media myth.  Most trans people have never felt that way.  It certainly sounds to me like you might be trans.  That is something to explore with a therapist.


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[Tbk]

Yes there is a councor at my school, but the thing is I don't know if it is just a phase, or a fetish or something, and I study automotive repair so I don't know if I would want to come out to the guys there at all, but I still have 3 years left of school and I don't want to wait that long, and I am very masculine, I have broad shoulders and big hands and I am tall, I don't know if I will ever pass, and one thing I can say for certain is that I would rather end my life than to transition and then not pass, I want people to see me as a girl, not a trans girl

[Mariah]

The fact you are here Tbk asking if you could be trans is a good sign that you might be. The fact is that not everyone knows before it just is. We may still be okay as we are, yet we still long to be female or male for others. Hugs
Mariah

[Phoenix1742]

Probably one of the hardest things to reconcile with the "am I trans" question is all the bad information out there.

I'd agree that if you see women and want to be what you see, that's a good indication that you might be trans. Finding a good counselor or therapist is crucial.

But also, don't get stuck in the misconceptions. Wanting to be a girl doesn't mean you have to like boys, want to wear pink, can't be aggressive, can't work on cars, etc etc. I'm sexually attracted to women, in an electrical engineer, I love playing video games, I just want to look like a woman while I do it.

Sent from my VS988 using Tapatalk

[Tbk]

I am just unsure about if need/want to do it, because I could live my life male and be happy, but if I loved female I would be happier As a girl, but it's such a major change will will result in losing many friends and people I know will look at me differently, I am such a manly man so people will not expect it at all, and one other thing, most people I see that are trans women were very girly men, but I am hyper masculine and I act dominant and I act very manly, but I want to be the oposite, I want to act girly and I want to live with all the gender norms of a female that people are trying not to be, I want to be like a traditional "girly girl" with heels and pink lipstick, maybe even a housewife in the future, but everybody talks about breaking the norms, is it bad to want to follow the norms?

[Shambles]

Hey. I think your were my head is at right now, could stay male and live with these feelings or could transition maybe?  If you were to ask me right now about how I feel inside it would be sof thing like 25% male and 75% female but even this changes about all the time.

Don't just think I must be this or if I'm not this it must mean I'm. That. Have you looked closely at the whole trans spectrum and tried to work out where you fit on it? It might be you'll be happy somewhere in the middle. My initial thought when I noticed something was not right with me and it dawned on me that im trans was to come to the conclusion that it MUST mean i need to be female but if you can start to understand that you dont have to be one or the other you get some good insites into who you are which in tern will lead onto what you need to do about it.

Sham

[autumn08]

but everybody talks about breaking the norms, is it bad to want to follow the norms?

Hi Tbk,


If you mean from a broad moral perspective, then it depends on the norm. I'm sure if you scanned the world, you could find many norms that you think are wrong.

If you mean whether its right or wrong to break this particular norm, I would strongly argue that in most cases, if you decide its what's best for you, its absolutely the right thing to do.

If you mean whether its normal to want to follow norms, then yeah, that's a natural part of us.

If you mean whether following this norm will make you happier then not following it, then you need to see gender therapist before you can answer that. Maybe your family, height, or something else entirely will be too large of an obstacle. Maybe a partial transition will make you feel entirely fulfilled. Maybe you will fully transition, look absolutely stunning and feel that it was the best decision you ever made.

Its much to early to tell, so try not to worry about it too much. Just keep being honest with yourself and keep taking small steps, and things will get better.

[Tbk]

I mean In the way of the traditional "sexist values" people always talk about that women shouldn't be housewifes and you don't need to wear heels and you don't need to work traditional female jobs, but all the things considered sexist about gender norms is very close to what I want to be, I want to be a very girly girl and follow "sexist" values of how women should act and look, is that wrong?  And I don't want to do it because I'm scared I wil
Not fit in, I want to do it because I want to

If you read some feminist forums and see what most feminists think are wrong with the expectations of females, that is pretty much how I want to be, I legit want to feel subservient to men, I don't know if this is to strange to understand but that's is how I feel

And I also don't want to come out and transition now and regret it later, but I don't want to wait for any considerable amount of time and let testosterone destroy me

[MaryT]

You mentioned that English is not your home language.  One of the things to consider when deciding what to do, even deciding whether or not to speak to a counsellor, is how the legal system views being trans in your country of residence.  There still exist countries in which being trans is equated with homosexuality, and homosexuality carries the death sentence.   There have been harrowing posts from members in such countries. 

If, as I am guessing, you live in a place where being trans, or a cross-dresser, or gay, are all legal, then consulting a therapist or counsellor might be a good idea.  I am not sure how confidential your school counsellor would be, though.

[Allison S]

I felt the same way when I was your age and younger. I wasn't really ever very feminine but as time went by I realized I want to transition for me. I presented as female more and I loved it. I'm not even passable yet but I know it takes time to get there.

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[autumn08]

I mean In the way of the traditional "sexist values" people always talk about that women shouldn't be housewifes and you don't need to wear heels and you don't need to work traditional female jobs, but all the things considered sexist about gender norms is very close to what I want to be, I want to be a very girly girl and follow "sexist" values of how women should act and look, is that wrong?  And I don't want to do it because I'm scared I wil
Not fit in, I want to do it because I want to

If you read some feminist forums and see what most feminists think are wrong with the expectations of females, that is pretty much how I want to be, I legit want to feel subservient to men, I don't know if this is to strange to understand but that's is how I feel

And I also don't want to come out and transition now and regret it later, but I don't want to wait for any considerable amount of time and let testosterone destroy me

Ah, sorry, I misunderstood you before. Its early where I live.

Well, if living a traditional life would make you happiest and most productive, then its the right thing to do. At 15, though, its probably too early for you to know what you want from your life and who exactly you are, so just keep an open mind.

[Tbk]

I live in Sweden so the laws are not a problem at all, and the government would pay for everything, but I can't wait and see, if I don't do it soon it will be too late and I will not risk to not pass

[MaryT]

I live in Sweden so the laws are not a problem at all, and the government would pay for everything, but I can't wait and see, if I don't do it soon it will be too late and I will not risk to not pass

Then speak to the school counsellor straight away.  The counsellor might help break the news to your parents.  You may have the option of being given T-blockers quite quickly, so that your body does not undergo more male changes until you are ready to decide how you want to live.

[Tbk]

But if I take T blockers now and then decide to be male then I would have a disadvantage because I would not be as masculine as other men

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. Only you can determine if you are transgender. A therapist only confirms that you thought process are correct. Still a therapist can help by pointing out areas you need to explore. That said, I have two links that might prove useful. The first is our WIKI where the term transgender is described. The second link is "the transition channel" where you will explore a series of questions about what it is to be transgender.

[Roll]

most people I see that are trans women were very girly men, but I am hyper masculine and I act dominant and I act very manly,

Also a myth. Many trans women go hyper masculine for a number of reasons(trying to affirm masculinity as part of denial, or are simply tomboys to begin with, etc.).

The media portrayal of what it means to be a trans woman has done so much harm to so many of us. It took a long time for me to understand the 7 year old child who is extremely feminine, asserting they are a girl from day one, is the exception not the rule.

[PidgeTPN]

You're the only one that can answer that question, in all honesty. I suggest talking to a counselor as others have suggested, even if just to have a wall to bounce your thoughts and worries off of. And maybe try dressing the way you want for a little bit, even if just in private and see how that makes you feel? If you have support to do it publicly, then go for it if you feel comfortable! For some people I've met, it started out as a fetish but indulging in it helped them realize they were indeed trans so who knows!

Do what you feel is right, even if it's scary.