I was watching Star Trek yesterday and I was struck by one particular scene. I was amazed both by how identified I felt and by how different my situation was to the one from the characters, yet at the same time so similar.
Short background: Data is a sentient android, fully selfsuficient and selfaware, but he can't feel any emotions. In this episode, he creates Lal, his daughter, who is thought to have the same limitation. As Lal interacts with humans and experiences the world, she becames aware of this and comfronts her father about it.
"Lal: I watch them, and I can do the things they do, but I will never feel the emotions. I'll never know love.
Data: It is a limitation we must learn to accept, Lal.
Lal: Then why do you still try to emulate humans? What purpose does it serve except to remind you that you are incomplete?
Data: I have asked myself that many times, as I have struggled to be more human. Until I realized, it is the struggle itself that is most important. We must strive to be more than we are, Lal. It does not matter that we will never reach our ultimate goal. The effort yields its own rewards. "
At least I have been in a situation similar to Lal's, wondering if transitioning is worth it, or why do I even try, knowing that no matter what I do, my life will never be as if I'd been born female. Most of the time the answer was "There was no other option, it was either this or suicide". I find Data's response much more benign, and I'll make sure I remember it next time I have an emotional crysis. It doesn't matter that I'll never be a cis woman. Just by trying I become a better version of myself every step I take.
