A common misconception about what being transgender is about

[hiddengirlsheila]

Many people fail to understand that being transgender is not a personal choice. Or am i wrong on that? I didn't choose to be trans, i had natural inclinations of womanhood that was ingrained into me since i was born. I was always more girly than other boys when i was a kid and i liked girly things. I felt female and still feel like a female despite being a biological male body. Like gay, bisexual, and lesbian people you do not "choose" to be that. It is a natural occurrence and same with addiction to drugs even though in that case you have the choice to not be addicted but once you're addicted you didn't choose to stay addicted. The claim everyone is born or created straight and identified as what their biological body dictates is flawed and scientific research has backed up plenty of evidence to suggest that we are born transgender. Or am i wrong or right?

[hiddengirlsheila]

I just simply keep it hidden and a secret from my family that i am trans. It's been difficult to do so acting and pretending like someone you are not which is a male. My dad has suspected me a few times, saying i embraced womanhood on a few occasions. I will one day come out to my family and then hopefully get transitioned physically when i'm not scared or worried anymore.

[tgirlamg]

Many people fail to understand that being transgender is not a personal choice. Or am i wrong on that? I didn't choose to be trans, i had natural inclinations of womanhood that was ingrained into me since i was born. I was always more girly than other boys when i was a kid and i liked girly things. I felt female and still feel like a female despite being a biological male body. Like gay, bisexual, and lesbian people you do not "choose" to be that. It is a natural occurrence and same with addiction to drugs even though in that case you have the choice to not be addicted but once you're addicted you didn't choose to stay addicted. The claim everyone is born or created straight and identified as what their biological body dictates is flawed and scientific research has backed up plenty of evidence to suggest that we are born transgender. Or am i wrong or right?

Hi Sheila

I agree that does seem to be a common misconception ... With our increased visibility in society, I think there are many who fill the blanks in their knowledge about us with their own assumptions and those assumptions are easily parroted by others

I do a good bit of public speaking regarding my experience as a transwoman and always try to communicate the fact that most of us feel this deeply to some degree from a very young age and it is not a lifestyle choice... rather something that is part of our integral makeup which requires we address it in some fashion at some point in our life... often when all other avenues short of transition have been exhausted...to make our life both manageable and truly our own

Onward we go

Ashley 😀

[josie76]

Sheila, you are very correct in saying science proves we are born transgender. Unfortunately some people like to listen to uninformed religious teachers of bigotry and hate for all who do not confirm to their personal ideas. Some people refuse to believe the earth is a sphere. For some nothing will change their minds as their reality is built on their beliefs. Science to them is a dangerous thing.

We can't force our brains to ,rewire to fit others conventions. These things make us who we are. If transition was not necessary there would be far fewer trans suicides. Some may not need to transition while for others it is the only path to travel.

[Dianne H]

I may be wrong but I feel that so many wrong ideas about transgenders comes from so many issues.

Until the internet transgender people didn't come out or have any open forum non transgender people could read or view. The only information they would get would be from other cisgender people or self proclaimed professionals who may not have even known what they were talking about.

It would be easy for a straight person to think a gay person acts by choice if that was all they knew. After all, one wouldn't think a middle eastern woman living in a tent in the middle of the desert would understand what women in free countries understand.

Maybe now with the access to information from those willing to speak out and forums such as this people will gain a better understanding.

I can't say I feel like a woman. All I know is that envied them from my youth and would have liked to have been born female. But, since there is always the possibility their mind and train of thought is different from a male's I really can't say I feel like one. I can only say I feel like I think they would feel.

Anyway; maybe in time with more access to information, people will  learn more and the wrong ideas will cease or lessen.

[amydane]

It is quite frustrating, especially when the lack of understanding or lack of compassion comes from someone close to you. Being transgender is extremely difficult, and I would gladly choose not to be this way, but that's just not reality.




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[Dena]

I may be wrong but I feel that so many wrong ideas about transgenders comes from so many issues.

Until the internet transgender people didn't come out or have any open forum non transgender people could read or view. The only information they would get would be from other cisgender people or self proclaimed professionals who may not have even known what they were talking about.

That isn't quite true. There were a few professional information sources like "The Janus Information Facility" that was often mentioned in Dear Abby. They had  a series of pamphlets that are fairly useful but they would also connect you with a several transgender news letters. The news letters were mailed monthly and arrived in a plain brown envelope with a generic return address. Information was limited but we weren't totally in the dark.

[Dianne H]

Dena;
I'm sorry if I wasn't clear or there was a misconception.
I speaking from a way different point of view.
Being a hick back in the 60's we never knew about any of what you mention.
We were just raised being told that "Those perverted people wasn't happy with the way the good Lord made 'em."
For some of us that is all we knew.
I sure wasn't going to say anything then.
It was a way different world back then in some areas.
That might have been devastating.

[hiddengirlsheila]

If the good Lord judges me and throws me into the lake of fire for being born transgender with a female everything except my biological body and wanting to go through life both outwardly and inwardly as the female i am then he is unjust and cruel. The God i love is more understanding and merciful, he would not create people like us only to ultimately send us to hell. The Bible gives me hope in that Jesus helped a gay man in some bible passage and did not condemn him, gays being abominable in the old testament could be talking about homosexual rape like with Sodom and Gomorrah, there are many different interpretations. Ask and you will receive either in heaven God will grant your wishes if we ask him sincerely in prayer but also the old testament and Kaballah mentions reincarnation of people like us to be physically who we are in the next life but right now if we want physical transitioning then we should do so.

[Dianne H]

hiddengirlsheila;
I didn't wish to start a theological discussion about this. I'm sorry if you misunderstood me. The Christianity section is for that.
I merely mentioned how times have changed and some areas were more remote than others. Those areas never knew what a transgender was except for the tainted views shared by others who may have known little or nothing.
Have a good night.

[hiddengirlsheila]

Ah ok, ignore what I said then haha, i'm sorry.

[hiddengirlsheila]

Times have changed, so have people's views and opinions. Some for the better, some for the worst.

[Dianne H]

Sheila;
That's true.
Being from a place in which nobody that I knew ever knew what a transgender was probably was one reason why I grew up thinking I was a pervert. It was shameful and disgusting as I was told.
There was no way I could have shared any of my feelings with anyone.
But, thanks to the internet, now I found out many things I never knew about.
That should at least make trans issues more easy to learn about, among other things.
Have a good night.

[hiddengirlsheila]

It is not shameful nor is it disgusting or perverted. With the advent of the internet, the information and research about transgenders is only a click away which is good, maybe people who truly wish to know more can type in their search engine what should be known. Not everything on the internet is completely accurate though, so you have to be discerning.

[Elis]

I think most now understand it's something we need to do rather than a whim; even though with most people they don't understand why people are trans or how exactly they feel. At least here in the UK because of the recent media coverage about trans issues etc. Where as being a nb trans person is still seen as a political or fashion choice rather than something they feel innately; same as with a binary gender.

[Kylo]

The non-binary catergory confuses them, or we are frequently conflated with crossdressers - though transsexualism overlaps into crossdressing, crossdressing obv. doesn't necessarily overlap into being transsexual... and then there's the apparent difference between transgender and transsexual which isn't evident to them because frankly the label of the former keeps changing and having things added to it.

I'm not surprised many of them are confused because there are so many things being put under the trans umbrella currently. I'm having difficulty keeping up with this stuff myself. Some of it is voluntary and some of it I class as a medical condition or malaise for which people can get treatment. When I talk to the average non-trans person (including those those are pretty much opposed to our existence) at the moment the general feeling seems to be that those who seek medical treatment have a "mental illness", which I often work hard to correct and explain properly to them. In that sense they think it's not a choice. But then there are those who also think this is a fashion trend resulting from a corruption of traditional attitudes, and again I work hard at explaining to them what being a transsexual is all about and feels like. But I can't explain what a non-binary person is or feels like because I'm not sure. And I can't explain much about genderbending as a pastime or anything like that... except to say that is very different from being a transsexual.

I think they would have an easier time of grasping it if there was a clearer delineation in general discourse between transsexuality and other things under the umbrella. 

There is increasing evidence to suggest there are definitive biological causes of transsexuality, some of them would be obvious even to a cis person; but the problem there is that there's still much research to be done to establish a firm link between say, the brain's sexually dimorphic structures and trans identity and other "invisible" things. But the more obvious stuff can easily be explained to them - chromosomal aberration, intersex and the presence of male and female tissues and structures in a person, hormonal imbalances or gland problems, etc.

There's two arguments currently going on in the public discourse though - one is that gender is innate to the brain and the other is that there is no such thing as gender in the brain. One part of our group seems to be working towards being allowed to be accepted as the opposite gender when they need to be, and another part is trying to abolish gender altogether in a sense and make non-binary or no gender or "X" gender a mainstream and legal idea. As I said before, with all this going on, it doesn't surprise me the cis people watching it are bemused. The scientific community is leaning towards the idea gender is innate to the brain, it seems. The LGBT activists seem to lean more toward the idea gender is a social construct.

[Julia1996]

Some people cling to ignorance even when science has Proven them wrong. I've had people ask me why I would ever want to be female and I've had people tell me if being female is what I want then ok. I don't want to be female. I AM female and I have been since birth. I had no choice in the matter at all. My dad's friends are very accepting of me, to my surprise. They are marines or cops. But one of them still thinks being transgender is a choice. My dad has told him I didn't have a choice and that I was born this way but he won't listen. My dad just gave up trying to tell him otherwise. Some people won't change their beliefs no matter what they are told.

[Devlyn]

Well, Viktor, you put "genderbending as a pastime or anything like that" on the table, would you care to elaborate? I'm genderfluid. It changes, I have no control over when. Are you insinuating that other people do this as a game?

Hugs, Devlyn

[staciM]

The non-binary catergory confuses them, or we are frequently conflated with crossdressers - though transsexualism overlaps into crossdressing, crossdressing obv. doesn't necessarily overlap into being transsexual... and then there's the apparent difference between transgender and transsexual which isn't evident to them because frankly the label of the former keeps changing and having things added to it.

I'm not surprised many of them are confused because there are so many things being put under the trans umbrella currently. I'm having difficulty keeping up with this stuff myself. Some of it is voluntary and some of it I class as a medical condition or malaise for which people can get treatment. When I talk to the average non-trans person (including those those are pretty much opposed to our existence) at the moment the general feeling seems to be that those who seek medical treatment have a "mental illness", which I often work hard to correct and explain properly to them. In that sense they think it's not a choice. But then there are those who also think this is a fashion trend resulting from a corruption of traditional attitudes, and again I work hard at explaining to them what being a transsexual is all about and feels like. But I can't explain what a non-binary person is or feels like because I'm not sure. And I can't explain much about genderbending as a pastime or anything like that... except to say that is very different from being a transsexual.

I think they would have an easier time of grasping it if there was a clearer delineation in general discourse between transsexuality and other things under the umbrella. 

There is increasing evidence to suggest there are definitive biological causes of transsexuality, some of them would be obvious even to a cis person; but the problem there is that there's still much research to be done to establish a firm link between say, the brain's sexually dimorphic structures and trans identity and other "invisible" things. But the more obvious stuff can easily be explained to them - chromosomal aberration, intersex and the presence of male and female tissues and structures in a person, hormonal imbalances or gland problems, etc.

There's two arguments currently going on in the public discourse though - one is that gender is innate to the brain and the other is that there is no such thing as gender in the brain. One part of our group seems to be working towards being allowed to be accepted as the opposite gender when they need to be, and another part is trying to abolish gender altogether in a sense and make non-binary or no gender or "X" gender a mainstream and legal idea. As I said before, with all this going on, it doesn't surprise me the cis people watching it are bemused. The scientific community is leaning towards the idea gender is innate to the brain, it seems. The LGBT activists seem to lean more toward the idea gender is a social construct.

This I very much agree with.  Much of the confusion is due to an ever-expanding mixing pot of identities and ideologies being put under the single banner of "transgender".

[Lisa_K]

Careful now kids. It is heretical, on this site at least, to suggest we're not all one happy rainbow unicorn family sitting under the big transgender umbrella holding hands and singing Kumbaya.

Just sayin'.