Finally came out to someone other than wife and therapist.

[Cheaney]

Well like the title says, I came out to my pastor and his wife and then a couple that we are great friends with. Pastor and his wife(also a pastor at our church) both admitted that they didn't know much about the deep issues of transgender but wanted us to know that they loved us both regardless. Our denomination is not lgbt affirming so I'm not sure how long we will be able to stay there. We love our pastors and it was important for us to tell them esp since we kinda pulled away. They knew something was up.

Kinda the same thing happened with a couple we are good friends with. But they wanted us to know how much they loved us and that they didn't care at all about me being trans. That they just cherish our friendship and was really worried about us for a while.

So basically it is awesome news!!! And the peace I've gained and weight that is off my shoulders makes me feel great. Still have a ways to but grateful that we have the friendships that we do!


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[Laurie]

 Hi Vicki,

  That is certainly an awesome result. One that I am sure you were worried about but you found love and kindness in all four hearts to set your own at ease. Sometimes life is good. I think you found one of those times. I hope you find many many more.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Gertrude]

Well like the title says, I came out to my pastor and his wife and then a couple that we are great friends with. Pastor and his wife(also a pastor at our church) both admitted that they didn't know much about the deep issues of transgender but wanted us to know that they loved us both regardless. Our denomination is not lgbt affirming so I'm not sure how long we will be able to stay there. We love our pastors and it was important for us to tell them esp since we kinda pulled away. They knew something was up.

Kinda the same thing happened with a couple we are good friends with. But they wanted us to know how much they loved us and that they didn't care at all about me being trans. That they just cherish our friendship and was really worried about us for a while.

So basically it is awesome news!!! And the peace I've gained and weight that is off my shoulders makes me feel great. Still have a ways to but grateful that we have the friendships that we do!


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Look up mark wingfield on ted talks.


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[Cheaney]

Thank you Laurie!

Gertrude, love that video! That's one of the videos we decided to recommend when I came out along with the National Geographic/Katie Couric documentary. I'm hoping it will speak to my religious family when that time comes.


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[Rowena_Ellenweorc]

That's awesome.  And as for the pastor and his wife, I think, coming from a non-LGBT friendly religion myself, that is a remarkable response.  I think they showed a true Christian (I'm assuming Christianity, but that's because I don't know other religions that have pastors, but I also don't know everything LOL) spirit right there in two ways.  First in admitting their lack of knowledge.  So many people blindly respond to 'Oh you're ____________' with hate despite not knowing the first thing about it, because 'LGBT+ is a sin'.  But secondly, despite your identity, sinful or not, (I am not saying it is, just whether its considered sinful by the community around you) they said they still love you.  Admittedly, actions speak louder than words, so that's still to be seen, but I think truly, you are in a good place so far.   I hope both couples you brought up, keep up being good people to you, and the others you come out to. And hopefully they'll remind others as you open up more (if you open up more) to be good to you and as respectful as they are.

[Cheaney]

Yes Christian and I agree with actions now speak louder. I have been thinking about coming out to them and thought the same things you did. I wonder what will happen when my transition really starts to become noticeable. I really like them but I'm kinda getting a "we love you but with conditions" vibe recently.

The other friends I have no doubt on. They are great and they just kept reminding us the entire night how much they love us and want us around as friends no matter what.


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[Cheaney]

A little update...so it's been 3-4 weeks since coming out. And we(wife and I) haven't heard a word since from our pastors. Not even a "Hey how are you doing?". The other couple is distancing themselves too. It really sucks esp for my wife because she is best friends with that couples wife. Just sad and starting to see how lonely it can be in this small town in a rural area.


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[Dena]

Strange how that works out. My first job was programming a medical billing system for a doctor. After I left that job and moved to California, I would get weekly calls for free advice about the computer and the software. This went on for a couple of years and I reached the point where I was going to switch my voice on the phone so I told my former boss what was going on. He said something to the nature than it wasn't going to change anything however that was the last call I ever received from him. I guess transitioning fixes computer problems as well  This really allows you to learn the truth about people, the good and the bad.

[Cheaney]

This really allows you to learn the truth about people, the good and the bad.

This is how I view it. If they want to distance themselves and lose a friendship that's their problem. But my wife is having issues with it and really focusing on what she is losing instead of what she could gain.

She has another friend that has already told her that she doesn't believe trans is real. And basically views it as a fetish. And so of course my wife is expecting to lose that friendship of a decade and a half when we come out to her. Just feel so bad for almost like I'm causing this pain for her when she deals with so much already.


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[Cheaney]

Some updates and changes...been coming out to a few people and have gotten similar positive responses from all of them. Which honestly I really needed after getting burned by the first two people I told. The one I'm most happy about is that I told my best friend that I've known almost my whole life. We both have grown up in a really rural conservative area so I was a little nervous telling him. I had an idea from a recent conversation about our views on LGBT and our faith. Anyway his response was "You gotta do what you have to do to be happy. Yeah the outside is going to take some getting used to but I know your heart and I know you and that's all that matters to me. You know where the key is and you're always welcome at my place." OMG I felt amazing all night!

Also the wife and I found a pretty cool church that is really open and inclusive. We've been once and can't wait to get involved and meet new people!


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[KathyLauren]

So glad it is going well for you!  That sounds like a true friend.  "I know your heart."  Yeah, that's what friendship is all about.  Nice about the supportive church, too.

[Cheaney]

Yeah we've been through a lot and lived some life together! I kept telling him how awesome it was that he reacted that way and felt so good that I hugged him lol. As a guy I was not a hugger lol.


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[Cheaney]

I started the process of telling family when I told my sister. Telling her first has always been the plan. If any of my other family is going to accept this then I feel like she needs to be my ally. She wasn't over the moon happy for me but that's not really her personality. But we had a long conversation about transitioning and she texted me the next day with a couple of resources she wanted to be ready to recommend for my parents. So she kinda has taken that ally role without me even talking about it.

So I'm gaining more and more momentum regarding transitioning and hrt and I need to tell my parents. My sister recommended that I tell them before all the physical changes and hrt which I agree with. I'm kinda in the let's get this over mood lately. I'm scheduled to start hrt in May. But I'm feeling like I'm not going to be able to make it to May is growing by the hour. Or at least that's what it seems.


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