A totally awesome day

[Northern Star Girl]

Well the facilitator of the Men's support group came and visited yesterday. He wanted to ask something I felt was rather odd. He wanted me to attend his group. I challenged him on that and made it clear that my birth gender has never actually been me, and I doubted what I could bring to his group.

His answer made me pause... perspective. As in the perspective of a mostly female yet non binary person who has seen both sides of the fence. This then made me think. The more I transition the more I have to accept that I am indeed non binary and that rejecting everything 'male' is perhaps a step too far.

Perhaps the next step in my transition is to revisit some of what I have rejected and try to reintegrate it into my life in a more palatable form. Perhaps presenting as female to the world and acceptiing that my strength comes from my past may actually excise some of the doubts that remain.

I'm going to give it a chance... because I cannot reject out of hand what was without losing some of who I am. That doesn't mean I won't present female there though. :p

@krobinson103
Very interesting thoughts that you have about this matter.   Yes, if you do get involved I will be eager to read your reports about how it all went in the meeting that he wanted you to attend.   I will be curious if you decide to attend again or on a more regular basis....    when are the meetings planned?

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Sonja]

Well the facilitator of the Men's support group came and visited yesterday. He wanted to ask something I felt was rather odd. He wanted me to attend his group. I challenged him on that and made it clear that my birth gender has never actually been me, and I doubted what I could bring to his group.

His answer made me pause... perspective. As in the perspective of a mostly female yet non binary person who has seen both sides of the fence. This then made me think. The more I transition the more I have to accept that I am indeed non binary and that rejecting everything 'male' is perhaps a step too far.

Perhaps the next step in my transition is to revisit some of what I have rejected and try to reintegrate it into my life in a more palatable form. Perhaps presenting as female to the world and acceptiing that my strength comes from my past may actually excise some of the doubts that remain.

I'm going to give it a chance... because I cannot reject out of hand what was without losing some of who I am. That doesn't mean I won't present female there though. :p

@krobinson103
Hi Kelly,

This is something I'm acutely aware of in myself too.  I came to the decision a while ago while reading through various posts on Susans about embracing the future but remembering the past and knowing that there is no black and white rule about having to reject everything that you have been and been through.
I think you're wise to give it a go and see how it feels to embrace all parts of you, past and future and see what feels right and what feels like dead weight.
I'd love to hear how the meeting goes and what things got said and talked about.

Take care,

Sonja.

[krobinson103]

My corset arrived from wish and I have to say.. I LIKE IT. A bit uncomfortable to be sure but the difference is very nice indeed. Two inches off the waist and it smooths out the curves a bit.

[Northern Star Girl]

My corset arrived from wish and I have to say.. I LIKE IT. A bit uncomfortable to be sure but the difference is very nice indeed. Two inches off the waist and it smooths out the curves a bit.

@krobinson103
Ahhhh, corsets!!!  I tried wearing one or two corsets almost 4years ago before I started HRT.... yes indeed, I found that for me, it was very uncomfortable if laced up tightly enough to produce more curves. 

I will be looking for your further reports about how the corset is working for you.
A question:  Is it a more user friendly front lace model or does it lace up in the back....??

Thanks for your update.
Hugs,
Danielle

[krobinson103]

@krobinson103
Ahhhh, corsets!!!  I tried wearing one or two corsets almost 4years ago before I started HRT.... yes indeed, I found that for me, it was very uncomfortable if laced up tightly enough to produce more curves. 

I will be looking for your further reports about how the corset is working for you.
A question:  Is it a more user friendly front lace model or does it lace up in the back....??

Thanks for your update.
Hugs,
Danielle

Upon research (got it from wish) its not really a corset but a cincher. Which is attached together with LOTS of hooks and eyes. That being said it does reduce my waist and smooth out curves and isn't too uncomfortable. Given the last time I measured I was 46 35 44, 46 33 44 is pretty decent...

[krobinson103]

I saw every shade of the rainbow last night. I saw gay, lesbian, non binary, drag queens, cross dressers (shape wear looks sooo fake!), a about four trans people. I felt that the four trans people (me included) were quite different to the rest.

The drag queens strut their stuff but its a big show
The Gay and Lesbian folk are all about the sexual identity and mostly very visible
The cross dressers looked happy mostly

Now as trans I felt like part of the crowd and accepted but not really understood. People ask questions about sexual identity etc but don't really understand why you want to transition. Its unthinkable...

[Northern Star Girl]

@krobinson103
Very interesting report...  are the activities over and done or is there another day.
I trust that you can find some inspiration as you continue your volunteer tasks.
When it is all over I will be looking for your recap.

Thanks for posting your interesting thoughts about it all.
Hugs,
Danielle

[krobinson103]

@krobinson103
Very interesting report...  are the activities over and done or is there another day.
I trust that you can find some inspiration as you continue your volunteer tasks.
When it is all over I will be looking for your recap.

Thanks for posting your interesting thoughts about it all.
Hugs,
Danielle

Given how far away it is they get one day out of me. However, it was a fun day and I met a lot of really motivated and selfless people who are giving their time to promote inclusion in the community. From the organizers, to the elders who are still active and proud, to the youth who now benefit from the work that has been done.

Compared to twenty years ago when it was almost dangerous to be different I saw a festival celebrating and embracing difference. The social taboos on that particular night did not exist and anyone was welcome. This is the sort of change that happening. Its superficial yet, but, its change and it gives me hope that society is becoming more accepting and kids of 14 don't need to hide and suffer because of misguided beliefs.

I was able to walk down town in the middle of the busiest party time in view on I don't know how many people dressed as any other woman might be dressed and saw no hostility. Yes, the drag queens etc got a few stares, but they WANT the attention and again, no hostility.

I did feel that my place in the community has changed somewhat and that even lesbian and gay people don't know what to make of us really. There is acceptance, and people trying to understand where we fit. I think leadership is needed in this area to really promote understanding around transgender issues to our rainbow community and the community as a whole.

[krobinson103]

I discovered this weekend there is a drawback to passing and being pre-op. Its fairly clear that people are interested in having a little fun (and I was quite open to a little fun last weekend) but as soon as the word 'trans' comes into it everything shuts down. I really need to get rid of the extra baggage downstairs as soon as I can. Lesbians are interested till disclosure, men well I think its a bit risky...

[Sonja]

@krobinson103
Hi Kelly,  Where/What was the pride event that you were helping at? I didn't even know there was one going on till I read it here! lol  - Interesting reactions you spoke of - after you said you were trans did the 'pre-op' conversation come up or were they already having doubts simply because you're trans?

Sonja.

[krobinson103]

@krobinson103
Hi Kelly,  Where/What was the pride event that you were helping at? I didn't even know there was one going on till I read it here! lol  - Interesting reactions you spoke of - after you said you were trans did the 'pre-op' conversation come up or were they already having doubts simply because you're trans?

Sonja.

In Hamilton. Another big party friday night. No the word trans is enough sadly.

[Northern Star Girl]

In Hamilton. Another big party friday night. No the word trans is enough sadly.

@krobinson103
I concur with you, the "trans word" can quickly finish off a party atmosphere or even a friendly conversation or relationship in a lot of situations. 

I was so very careful that when I relocated here as a full-time woman where I am now in my small time, before I came out I made sure that I lived a respectable lifestyle, dressed conservatively, participated in the community events and got involved in building my local business.... all while trying to fly under the radar.  So, when I did come out about 1 1/2 years later, I found that I was overwhelmingly accepted by the locals here.  That is just how I played it...  everyone has to make there own decisions about how to live their "trans" life.

Thanks for posting your thoughts in your recent posts.
Hugs,
Danielle

[krobinson103]

Bit of a side note today. Was doing some research around the difference between male and female hands and ran into some fascinating information. Apparently, research shows that exposure to more estrogen during gestation leads to having a longer index finger than ring finger thus statistically, men have longer ring fingers and a short thumb. Women however, have longer index fingers and a short little finger.

I have a long index finger, a short little finger, and a short thumb which suggests I got a slightly higher level of e than t. This correlates with other research saying that the female brain develops differently during gestation due to more estrogen in the whole system.

Reflecting on this I think what happened was that while I have XY chromosomes for some reason the hormone balance wasn't (was! I love being me - thanks mum) quite right for 'normal' development thus... you get a transgender person.

The other thing I looked into yesterday was lgbt dating sites out of curiosity and I have to say... pass. People only seem to want one thing and to me sex comes with friendship and love in place first not for its own sake.

On other fronts... wife is really accepting at the moment and we are discussing strategies to smoothly transition to a life apart but supporting the kids in a few years. No more roadblocks regarding presentation etc anymore yay! Kids are more supportive but my eldest will always view me as male I think. At the supermarket one of the most stubborn cashiers who always misgenders me said 'sir .... err ma'am sorry' yesterday. A win!

Oh yes... my feet have shrunk. How I know not but the male shoes that used to fit are all a whole size too big. Sadly they are no narrower. Oh well can't win em all.

[Northern Star Girl]

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- - - - - -
     - - - - - -
On other fronts... wife is really accepting at the moment and we are discussing strategies to smoothly transition to a life apart but supporting the kids in a few years. No more roadblocks regarding presentation etc anymore yay! Kids are more supportive but my eldest will always view me as male I think. At the supermarket one of the most stubborn cashiers who always misgenders me said 'sir .... err ma'am sorry' yesterday. A win!
- - - - - - -

@krobinson103
Wow, this is good news indeed... it is always best to openly and calmly discuss these delicate matters and try to come to some sort of compromise and cordial agreement... especially for the sake of your kids... they are most certainly a very important task to take care of them emotionally and financially.

Again, this is very good news...
Thanks for sharing this bit of your very personal life.

Hugs,
Danielle

[Sonja]

@krobinson103

Why is it that when someone posts nearly everyday, and then suddenly doesn't I get mildly worried?
Because transgirls are beautiful but fragile?

Anyway, thinking of you Kelly,

Hope you are well,

Sonja.

[krobinson103]

@krobinson103

Why is it that when someone posts nearly everyday, and then suddenly doesn't I get mildly worried?
Because transgirls are beautiful but fragile?

Anyway, thinking of you Kelly,

Hope you are well,

Sonja.

Sonja I'm hardly fragile. I'm glad someone thinks I'm beautiful though. No, transition is one of those things. Stuff happens and then there is a lot of waiting. Thanks for being concerned though!

Since I'm posting. Breast pain has been at a new peak of nastiness and I've run into a new problem, fly away hair. Neither was important enough to post about really.

[krobinson103]

https://www.flickr.com/photos/142425753@N03/shares/15D209

I took these photos to send to my girl friend. But when I look at them they say something profound. First, I think I look good. Second... NO MORE SHADOW. third the aura of misery that pervaded me is gone. I see light and mischievousness in my eyes. I want to go meet people and even go clubbing yes clubbing! Crowds no longer bother me and I almost want people to notice me now.

I like the new me. Long may She live.

[Sonja]

@krobinson103

Clubbing??? - Kelly you've really changed!! LOL  - I distinctly remember you saying you weren't into that sort of thing, oh the things hrt has done to you!! heehee. 
Your 2 new photos are great, I don't see any five oclock shadow -   I've got some money coming through soonish so hopefully I'll get it in time to get that caci clinic 2 for 1 deal that ends at the end of September. 
Are you/Did you go to that mens group you were invited to?

Take care,

Sonja.

[krobinson103]

Didn't go the men's group cause... I'm not a man and don't want to go down that route on reflection.

Had some fun today. Went shopping in Auckland, flirted with a couple of guys while shopping and waiting for some friends (lol the guys started it I just felt like playing). Then went to with friends to the movies the K road to a club... kinda like the one I used to go to back in the day but a bit more diverse.  It was really fun.

Now the interesting thing about the shopping experience was when one dude opens the conversation with I quote "Wow, Hello trouble" I just felt like responding by looking him directly in the eyes and saying "yes?" lol. This is not like the old me and I like it.

[ChrissyRyan]

Wow, sounds like you are having some fun!


Chrissy