Do you confess having internalized transphobia?

[PurpleWolf]

Do you have internalized transphobia? [Or do you admit having it  ?] How does that manifest? Like do you police others' behavior? Do you think being with cis people (and being accepted by them) is somehow 'cooler' than being with trans ones?

Did something help alleviate that?

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I'd like to think that I don't  - but apparently I do...!
I think it's transphobia speaking when certain things come to my mind, including:
"What if I'm really not trans?" "What if I'm not trans enough?" "What if being trans is really not a thing?" "What if being trans is a mental illness after all?" "It would be better if I could just accept my body & be cis." "Being trans is somehow "worse" than being cis." "Being woman is better than being a man." "Dressing up in female clothes is better than dressing up as man." etc. [I'm ftm] "Is there something wrong with me for wanting 'unnecessary' surgeries?" etc.

Also when I overly compare myself to other trans/cis guys! To check if I'm "trans enough" to be like cis guys - or trans enough to be at the "same level" as other trans guys!

Or when I come across a trans person I don't like - and make a generalization based on that one person: "I don't have anything in common with other trans people". [The hardest one to admit  !] - in a way a cis person would  ! Instead of viewing trans people as just people, and everyone being a unique individual, as everyone else.

Can you guys relate to any of that? I hope I haven't offended anyone with my brutal honesty. And hoping others have the courage to chime in as well and confess their horrible inner dialogue about trans people and their own transness  .

Btw, just writing on this forum has made me get rid of most of it. The more compassionate I am towards myself & the more being trans is 'normalized' through media & in my own mind & through meeting other people, the less 'stigmatized' I feel. After all, being trans is not any worse than being gay or having any medical condition!

We shouldn't feel ashamed of ourselves - but yet we do  !

Hope you guys appreciate my honesty - and have stories to tell as well  !

Let's abolish this internalized transphobia & shame together, shall we,  ?

[Gertrude]

It's fairly common. I hate to say normal, but I'd bet most of us have gone through it. I don't think I've had to confess it, but realize it.


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[Jayne01]

I would guess that depending on the type of environment you have grown up in, would determine whether you experience internalised transphobia and to what extent. In my case, I grew up in a household where anyone who didn't conform to "normal" (whatever that is) was a weirdo or sick in some way. That came about mostly from my parent's ignorance and they themselves existing in a relatively isolated community. The message I was receiving was that it was ok to be different, as long as it wasn't too close to home.

I didn't really know what internalised transphobia was. I kept telling myself that I don't have a phobia of trans people, they don't scare me. Then I researched what the term really meant and I was the definition of someone who has internalised transphobia. It took a lot of work to get past that, but once I did, all the shame and guilt and everything else you mentioned started to fade away. I am now proud of the person I am. Being transgender doesn't define who I am as a person, it not defines a birth condition I have.

Hopefully one day in the not too distant future, society will have progressed enough so that any kind of transphobia (internalised or external) only exists in history books.

Jayne

[MeTony]

I've had those thoughts. "Remain in a woman body is best for all." But those thoughts made me depressed and suicidal.

When I realized I really could do something about this my suicidal thoughts lifted. I see a future as myself.

I come from a pretty open family. It was ok for me to be myself most of the time. I was allowed to cut my hair once. But I looked like a boy. So I wasn't allowed to do that again. But did when I was 16. I was sometimes forced to use girls cloths. But I put up a fight every time. So they let me be.

The doubt and fears came to me in my 20's. I wanted to be normal. Why was I a freak? Why can't I just be what I was born to be?

I know better now. I have a plan.


Tony

[Elis]

Oh definitely. It'd be much healthier if trans people admitted they do so they learn from each other how to improve these feelings.
I can't be around trans women if I'm at a trans group without feeling like it's somehow 'odd'. Which I think is due to my very cis hetero normative upbringing. I would never say to a trans woman wear this or have your hair like this would make you stand out less ofc; but that feeling of discomfort remains the same and I have to consciously tell myself I'm being stupid.

I still feel ashamed or have feelings of why can't I just say 'I'm a trans man'. Is that internalised transphobia too and my nb ness is just a cop out and a compromise? Ofc it can't be but my brain has these stupid thoughts.

[Gertrude]

For me, it was maybe society is right, maybe trans is a mental illness. My therapist said nah...


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[Corax]

No. I don't possess an irrational fear of myself nor of other transsexual people.

[Allison S]

Of course. There's hesitance, denial, fear... That's what I experienced in my 27 years. It's been very damaging and now I feel desperate to recover. Sometimes it's like I can't relate to anyone because they don't know what it's like. And it's true, they wouldn't

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[Kylo]

No.

To have internalized transphobia is to believe a cis person is better than me just for being cis.

Which I don't. I don't believe anyone is "automatically" better than me, for any reason. Being an egotist has its advantages, eh?