My Religious Father

[DragonTyrant]

I was born female, but ever since I was three years old, I have had an intense desire to be male. This year, when my gender dysphoria spiked in prominence, I have begun to heavily contemplate a sex change surgery. After plenty of research, I settled on a decision: it is highly likely that I will undergo this change in the future. It was a bad idea to bring it up to my religious father, who was not fond of the idea.

For all my life, I have respected my father. He has worked since he was thirteen to support his family. He graduated valedictorian of his class and graduated from naval nuclear power school, so he is a highly intelligent man. However, he pursues an ideology (Christianity) instead of what is true. I was raised Christian by both parents, but I estranged myself from the religion once I realized it was just a belief based on the interpretations of a poorly translated 10,000 year old book. As you would expect, my respect for his intelligence has made me question my decision.

As you would expect, his arguments came from a religious point of view:
"Don't believe the lies."
"The enemy [Satan] only wants to destroy you."
"People that have undergone sex changes are miserable."
"They have an agenda."
"Gender dysphoria is a lie; it is a psychological issue, not clinical. I think the reason you want to be a boy is because you were traumatized by the divorce your mother and I had when you were seven."

He brings up this article he found (from a Christian website, of course, so it's definitely not biased). The article had a video in which some pediatricians (I guess they were qualified individuals; who knows if they weren't some average Joes claiming to be professionals?) were discussing the "myth" of gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is a myth, they say! Why? Because of one case. In this case, a young boy has a tendency to like feminine toys like dolls. It turns out the reason he "liked" the toys was because it was the toys his autistic sister liked... and the artistic sister was the one who got the most attention from the parents. They concluded that gender dysphoria is exclusively a psychological issue, and the only cure is intense counseling, not sex reassignment surgery.

Here's the thing though: I have no full-blood siblings. I was three when I first experienced these intense desires to be a boy, and my parents divorced when I was seven. How could my issue be psychological if my dysphoria began when I was young, long before I could be affected by external factors? I asked my dad the same question, and he gave me a golden response:

"It's because the enemy [Satan] sowed a lie in your heart when you were little."

Lots of people have an agenda. Conservatives, liberals, rightists, leftists, religious, and non-religious. That's why I don't think this whole "gender dysphoria is a lie" thing is too far-fetched... But what I seek is the truth, not an ideology.

Also, another point came up in our argument. My father claimed that almost every post-sex operation transgender is unhappy with their new body. I doubted his statement. However, when I looked for evidence to support my claim on the internet, I found drastically different claims all over the place. You know what affected those claims? The political leanings of the publisher. What? The Huffington Post says transgenders are happy? Of course they do! They're a liberal news source! What? The Federalist says transgenders aren't happy? Of course they do! They're a conservative news source!

This is a battle of ideologies, and the truth is obscure. I have no choice but to ask those of you who have undergone surgery: are you happy? Or is my father correct? Please, be honest with me. The truth will always be more important than an ideology.

Thank you to any who have trudged through this giant wall of text. Have a great day.

[Faith]

They are all right. You are mixing truth with fact. Everyone's truth is different, they take the facts to fit their truth.

You aren't searching for truth, you already have yours, you are searching for fact. Most individual answers will be their truth, not necessarily fact.

sorry, I know that really doesn't help  but I hope see where I'm coming from. As to whether I'm happy? I'm a work in progress so no, not really yet. I am optimistic though 

[steph2.0]

Welcome, Dragon!

I think you're on the right track by coming here. Avoid the sensationalistic media and the trolls on social media. This group is carefully moderated by caring people, and the folks here are genuine.

I unfortunately can't personally answer your question about happiness after GRS, as I haven't gotten that far yet. It is definitely in my future, though, and I've seldom been more sure of the rightness of my decision. I know without a doubt that it's the right thing for me, and I find it unbelievable that I could be unhappy about it later. 

The prevailing data seem to be that there is a less than 2% "failure rate" in the happiness of those who've followed the WPATH standards of care. Let's see what those who've BTDT have to say.

Steph

[RobynD]

I think it is interesting how fundamentalist folks often bring up the supernatural (Satan), immediately to speak against something they don't agree with. It is like they have demonic radar and a white phone the rings to the creator. Actually many do claim that sort of. Any biblical interpretation of anything against us is shaky at best and when you look into the oldest translations it says something different. That is IF you believe the bible to be inerrant.

He is worried about your choices but he and your mom got divorced? hmmm it seems like that activity was actually mentioned by Christ himself if you believe in a literal, inerrant translation. The blogs and writers he sites are contrary to science and the rest of the world of modern psychology.You can find writers that will say just about anything.

God is love. Tell him to quit being a judge (another thing scripture warns about more than once) and just love you like a father should, no matter what you decide.

[Paige]

Hey Dragon,

As far as happiness goes, much was made of a Swedish study that came out in 2011.  Many with the same agenda as your father, never mention that the unhappiness mainly stemmed from societal acceptance.  If these people actually were Christians they would practice love and acceptance, instead they judge and hate.

Here's a good interview with the Swedish professor who actually wrote the study.  She talks about how it was misused.

http://transadvocate.com/fact-check-study-shows-transition-makes-trans-people-suicidal_n_15483.htm

Have a nice day,
Paige

[AutumnGlory]

I don't know whether religious people merely lean on their religion to provide excuses for that which they don't like, or are really guided by their belief system.

My father disowned me when I began transition.  He was unable to understand it, but neither could I, so there wasn't much I could do about that.  He was unable to accept it.  He broke all communication with me, but I gathered from others that he cited biblical references. 

I knew he respected his minister, so I travelled to see the minister, a day's journey.  I hoped to discuss with him the issues of transsexuality, and to find out if he supported my father's non-acceptance.  If so, I hoped to change his mind through enlightenment, if not, I would ask him to intervene on my behalf.

However, when I walked into te manse, the minister very quickly launched into telling me he had serious problems with his christianity.  I couldn't believe it: he started unloading on me that he didn't believe in god.  I spent an hour counselling him, then left, mission voided.

Years later, my mum enabled a link between us, and I was accepted back into the fold, warily, but later, my father was to celebrate my happiness, and my beauty, even.  It came full circle when, preparing some freezer meals for him while visiting, the new minister came to see my father.  Busy in the kitchen, I just said Hi, made some tea for them and left them to it.  Later, back home, my father rang me to tell me, with obvious pride, that the minister had asked him who that beautiful young woman had been in his kitchen.  Unthinkable years earlier, given time, things can change.

In answer to te specific question, i'm unbelievably happy in my new gender.  It's been ten years, and still a day doesn't go but that I appreciate my womanhood, my gender, my taking of my femininity.  I'm not even jealous of born-women, my journey has been interesting, fulfilling, rewarding.  I wouldn't swap it for anything.

[steph2.0]

In answer to te specific question, i'm unbelievably happy in my new gender.  It's been ten years, and still a day doesn't go but that I appreciate my womanhood, my gender, my taking of my femininity.  I'm not even jealous of born-women, my journey has been interesting, fulfilling, rewarding.  I wouldn't swap it for anything.

Wow, Autumn. I just wanted to comment on your last paragraph - it was beautiful and induced a little ocular leakage. I'm so happy for you. I hope I can say the same thing in 10 years.

Steph

[Kylo]

"Gender dysphoria is a lie; it is a psychological issue, not clinical. I think the reason you want to be a boy is because you were traumatized by the divorce your mother and I had when you were seven."

I'd love to hear what mental gymnastics he'd pull out of thin air to explain that one. How and why does a divorce make a girl want to be a boy? You should put it to him sometime. I bet the answer is gold, if it isn't something about Satan, of course.

The thing about transition is that it isn't a panacea. Some people do expect it to solve most of their problems, but it won't necessarily do that. You have to take a realistic approach to it. The reason I am doing it is because of serious dissociation from having a female body and cannot live life properly if I continue to ignore the damn thing the way I do, not to mention cause myself health issues trying to avoid periods. It's detrimental to my health and needs to be dealt with. But it isn't going to solve the fact I wasn't born a man and I know this. There are still going to be things I will never be able to do that feel like things I should be able to do, and that is a cross I'll be bearing for the rest of my life regardless of transition. I am always going to be different from the average person on some level, and I will never have the sort of memories that constitute a happy being in the present. These are some of the things - I believe - go towards the higher rates of suicide and unhappiness among trans people. Not that transition doesn't work, but that living with this condition is a serious trial, period - whether you do or do not transition, and after transition. It's just life on a "higher difficulty" in my view, and some people do struggle.

On the plus side, I do think there is light at the end of the tunnel of transition if a person is willing to accept a certain lack of perfection, as the source of the emotional disconnect hopefully eventually fades away and the person is able to relax within their new body and presentation. But much also depends on whether others make your life heaven or hell during it.

In a sense - transitional surgery alone can't fix a person's problems; there has to be a concerted effort to come to terms with certain things, to rediscover the self and to self-counsel, to build up confidence and self-actualize on a broader level in addition to that of just gender. However, these things can't be done in a transsexual person without first removing the source of the dysphoria, so in those who seek surgery to end their dysphoria, it is basically the necessary first step. Counseling alone isn't going to help in these cases - it would be like trying to counsel away a festering wound.

[Sarah_P]

I'm still quite a ways from surgery, but since starting hormone replacement therapy (HRT), I've felt better than I have since puberty, if not before. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, I just feel so much better. I still have down times now and then, but I know every step I take forward in my transition will only make me happier.

[Toni]

Dragon, so sorry to hear of the conflict you're trying to deal with.  None of us want to lose people we love, but sometimes our pleas fall on deaf ears and then you have to consider just who are the others concerned about.  Mostly you will conclude that it's their own world that is shaking because of you and that's because it's built on sand, not stone.  Remember two things, to gain the world and lose yourself is no bargain, and you can't argue with a Beagle.  Toni

[AprilRyan]

It's always difficult dealing with coming out to someone like that, but hopefully in the long run your father won't let his religion override his love for you. I faced a similar situation with a different outcome. Before I came out as gay to my very religious father, I was so afraid of what his reaction would be, but he accepted me despite his views, and I know if he was still alive today he would accept me as his daughter instead of his son. It's always possible that your father will come around as well, it might just take him longer, but ultimately you have to look out for yourself regardless of what he thinks.