Kathy's journey

[Laurie]

And here I thought you Canadians thrived in the snow and cold. You're destroying my stereotype.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[KathyLauren]

I have my quarterly appointment today to renew my HRT prescription.  I tried to make it for last week, but this was the first appoinement I could get.  The doctor is an hour and a half drive from here.  I'm on my last patch, which runs out Friday.

Wouldn't you know it, there's freezing rain this morning.  Crap!  It's going to be a nasty drive.

I don't think she will do the appointment over the phone.  Someone else was complaining online about that yesterday - same clinic - that they won't do phone consults because they only get paid for office visits.

I really hope that they get enough salt on the roads.  If I can make it to the top of the "mountain", I'll probably be okay: the far side is a school bus route, so it is well-maintained.  And the big highway will probably just be wet, though I'll need lots of washer fluid for the salt spray.

But it's got me stressed out.  I don't want to miss the appointment and run out of E.

[Jayne01]

I've seen the "mountains" around there. They're about as big as the "mountains" over here. [emoji12]
Nonetheless, please be careful on the slippery roads.

Jayne

[Laurie]

Yes Kathy please be careful.

[KathyLauren]

Whew!  The freezing rain had turned to plain old rain by the time I hit the highway.  Still an ugly drive, but not nearly as dangerous as I had feared.  I made it to my appointment, and I have my prescription renewed for 6 months. 

[Jayne01]

Whew!  The freezing rain had turned to plain old rain by the time I hit the highway.  Still an ugly drive, but not nearly as dangerous as I had feared.  I made it to my appointment, and I have my prescription renewed for 6 months. 

Excellent! I'm glad you made the trip safely and got what you needed.

[KathyLauren]

I got home from walking the dog today and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  I was wearing an unflattering tuque, shapeless dog-walking clothes, no makeup, no wig.  And yet, when I saw myself in the mirror, I though, "She's looking good!"

About an hour later, my wife and I are driving into town to do some errands.  She looks over at me and says, "You know, you look more like Kathy all the time."

So I guess the E is continuing to work its magic.  Okay, I am going to continue to squawk about the lack of boob growth - it goes with the territory.  But, on the whole, I am happy with how my HRT is working.

I continue to enjoy being me.  When I go places, people are happy to see me.  I am still pleasantly surprised by that.  I went to my dentist's office to give her a thank you card.  (She froze my lips for electrolysis for free.)  She gave me a great big hug.  Her receptionist wanted to know where I got my winter coat.  It's little stuff, but it all makes me happy to be alive.

[Megan.]

Kathy, it's lovely to hear how the simple pleasures in life are bringing you joy and happiness, long may it continue! X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[Jayne01]

That is so wonderful hear Kathy. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Good for you.

[Jessica]

This news story, about the Montreal Massacre 28 years ago (http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/montreal-polytechnique-memorial-2017-1.4432979), reminded me of this significant development in my awareness of my femininity.  The massacre happened when 14 women were murdered at a university in Montreal specifically because they were women and they were pursuing a higher education.  I saw the news reports at the time and I remember it well.

At the time, I was horrified, as I thought any right-minded person would be.  But when I tried to talk about my feelings of horror, I was told, in no uncertain terms, that, because the victims were targeted because they were women, as "a man", I could not possibly comprehend the feeling. 

I learned to keep my mouth shut about my feelings on the subject.  I didn't believe I felt the horror any less than women did, and I resented not being allowed to talk about it.  But clearly, my reaction was not typical, and I found myself wondering about that along with everything else over the years.

Now, of course, I have a different perspective.  I don't believe that those who silenced me were right that only women could feel the horror.  Yet perhaps I did feel it more intensely than men did.  Because, now, in hindsight, I realize that I was one of them.

I agree that with my different perspective I do relate more to women's issues, but the only increase is to the extent that being transgender has put me into a social class that have all the injustices the cis-women have always faced along with the fury of religious conservatives.  That has heightened my awareness of the world of injustices.  Though in the states, there is an awakening of sexual harassment done to women and many men are standing up in defense of women more than ever.  So empathy is in the heart of the beholder.  When it hits at home, I imagine you pay attention.

[KathyLauren]

We were going to go to the support group's Christmas party today, but the forecast of freezing rain put an end to that plan.  It didn't materialize as it turned out, but not a chance you want to take with an hour and a half drive each way on a bad highway.

Instead, we went to a birthday/Christmas party for a good frind of ours. 

C. used to co-own our favourite second-hand clothing store, and she still works there part-time.  She was one of the first people in the community that I came out to, back when I was still presenting male.  I knew she was wondering about me, since I showed an unusual interest in women's clothing for a guy, and since my wife would go to the counter with two small tops and two large.  So one day, I just told her that the clothes were for me, and that I was trans.  We have been good friends ever since.

C's party was an informal drop-in affair.  We didn't know anyone else there, but it didn't matter: they were all nice people.  I hung out with a bunch of other women and enjoyed chatting with them about this and that, discovering that we knew people in common, etc. 

I used to find such events uncomfortable.  Too much fake-smiling and being bored out of my mind.  This time, not having to hang out with the men, I was much more relaxed and actually enjoyed myself.  I am sure there will be some gossiping about me when people get home: "Do you think that woman in the purple sweater was transgender?"  So what?  Let 'em talk.  No one was nasty or even impolite to me.  I felt like I was included as one of the women.

I sure love being me!

In an unrelated event earlier today, we were at the farmer's market and ran into one of my wife's childhood friends.  They are in touch occasionally by email, but my wife doesn't think she has talked to him since I came out.  She introduced me to the friend and his wife as "my wife Kathy".    I got the impression that they were a little startled, though they didn't show it.  I'd love to be a fly on the wall when they get home: "Wasn't she married to a guy?"

Actually, I am sure most people clock me, especially after I open my mouth, but people here are uniformly polite.  I hope some of them actually do wonder.

[KathyLauren]

I just got my brother's annual end-of-year letter, describing all the highlights of his year.  Among them, visiting his "sister Kathy".  OMG, that makes me all goose-bumpy when I read that!

[steph2.0]

I just got my brother's annual end-of-year letter, describing all the highlights of his year.  Among them, visiting his "sister Kathy".  OMG, that makes me all goose-bumpy when I read that!

How wonderful, Kathy!! Your brother is awesome!

[emoji3][emoji1303][emoji1305][emoji1319]

[Megan.]

I just got my brother's annual end-of-year letter, describing all the highlights of his year.  Among them, visiting his "sister Kathy".  OMG, that makes me all goose-bumpy when I read that!

He must know how lucky he is to have such an awesome sister. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[KathyLauren]

Merry Christmas to all my friends, sisters and brothers, on Susan's!  This is my first Christmas as me, Kathleen Lauren Walker.   

[steph2.0]

Merry Christmas to all my friends, sisters and brothers, on Susan's!  This is my first Christmas as me, Kathleen Lauren Walker.   

Happy First Christmas, Kathleen Lauren Walker! We're all so glad you're here! And Merry Christmas to your wonderful wife, too!

Some day I will come see you and look through the eyepiece on your scope to see such things as your picture with my own eye. I still remember the first time I saw Saturn's rings for real. What a sense of awe.

Almost the sense of awe knowing that I will finally experience my first Christmas as me: Stephanie Rhapsody Bensinger.

PS: I just saw your reply to my similar post in my own thread. I suspect there will be many such posts today. Merry, indeed!

[Jayne01]

Merry Christmas Kathleen Lauren Walker.

I hope this is the first of many happy times to come. Also, my best wishes to your wife. She sounds totally awesome!

Jayne

[KathyLauren]

Also, my best wishes to your wife. She sounds totally awesome!

That she is!  Every day, I remind myself how lucky I am to be married to her.  And then I remind her how lucky I am to be married to her.

I rejoice every time I read about someone whose spouse is supportive.  It is such a huge thing.

[KathyLauren]

I have mentioned this in another thread, but it rightfully belongs here.  Especially since I was griping back in post #46 about my lack of boob growth.

The boob fairy must have listened because I got a nice growth spurt for Christmas.     Dolly Parton doesn't have to worry about a rival just yet, but maybe soon, I will fit a AA!

[Jayne01]

There's a boob fairy? How do I contact her?

What a nice present for you.