Stealth transition - how long?

[Katie V]

Unfortunately I'm not in a position that I can out myself to really anyone at this time.  But I've read about so called stealth transitioning and just wondered how long could a person pull that off before it becomes obvious?  I get that it would vary by individual and there are a lot of factors but if a person goes on a low dose HRT and weight loss regimen, realistically how long could this go on?

I've been losing a bit of weight which is pretty easy to cover by the running goals I have that other people know about (training for 10K and half marathons) so it's mostly how to cover any changes made by HRT. 

Just wanted to hear from others that have attempted this and if it worked.

[LexiDreamer]

I went stealth for about 2 years. It's not too hard to do.
I didn't bother with that low dose shenanigans.
I just wore sports bras and baggy shirts at work every day.
The changes were gradual so most people didn't notice.

Everyone in my office was very surprised (and supportive) when I finally came out.
I must say, it feels a whole lot better to be out and honest than having to hide my real self for so long.
Eventually I felt like I was cross dressing every time I came to work and couldn't believe people still thought I was male.


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[pitmaster1]

I am a little over 1 year on full dose. 2 or 3 People know and it's only because I told them. My boobs are not really noticeable yet, I went from nothing/flat to a A-cup, so they are growing at a noticeable rate(when topless) but with a shirt on you can't tell. I think/hope by spring they are large enough to be noticed but until they full B small C I am staying stealth.


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[AnonyMs]

I think about 9 years now for me, first low dose HRT and the last 4 a full transitioning dose.

[Katie V]

Do you get strange looks from family members or other people that you are familiar with that you only see occasionally?  I see most of my family members only every few months and wouldn't want the "wow, what's going on with you?" questions. 

[Jessica_Rose]

I am 8 1/2 months in and only a few people know about it. I have not had a haircut in almost a year, I only wear women's jeans, having laser and electrolysis since January, and I lost about 30 lbs. So far only one or two people have commented about my hair and weight loss. I always wear a jacket or coat inside because I'm cold, it also helps hide my breasts. No one has connected the dots yet.

People who see you on a daily basis probably won't notice the slow change, but if they only see you occasionally you may want to have an explanation ready. I avoid going to areas of my workplace where I have not been in a while. Most of my family is about 1000 miles away and they have not seen me since April. I think they will notice something is definitely different, but I won't see them again until I make a 'coming out' visit in late February.

Most people could probably remain stealth for a year or more, but once your breasts get past a certain size it may become difficult or painful to hide them.

[big kim]

I did about 18 - 20 months, I grew my hair out, had a lot of electrolysis. People thought I looked younger!

[Chloe]

I did about 18 - 20 months, I grew my hair out, had a lot of electrolysis. People thought I looked younger!

Ditto on the hair out and younger!! Not a big deal really if somebody asks I will admit to being transgender but usually settle with people just calling me "ma'am", be that in jest from a co-worker or complete stranger that knows no better at all.

If crossdressing is an issue with the exception of underwear and bra (a neccessity due bouncing in an on/off-road truck) I stopped years ago most women, especially older, dress just like men anyway so "what da 'ell" . . . having no agenda am pushing 62 and totally enjoy looking a girlish 40 something!!

[Katie V]

Well, at least I know it's possible to do this for at least a little while.  Growing out my hair would be a nice change too.  Now to just actually take the step to set it in motion. 

Thanks for the responses!

[Jessica]

Ditto on the hair out and younger!! Not a big deal really if somebody asks I will admit to being transgender but usually settle with people just calling me "ma'am", be that in jest from a co-worker or complete stranger that knows no better at all.

If crossdressing is an issue with the exception of underwear and bra (a neccessity due bouncing in an on/off-road truck) I stopped years ago most women, especially older, dress just like men anyway so "what da 'ell" . . . having no agenda am pushing 62 and totally enjoy looking a girlish 40 something!!

I think this is a possible route for me.  I'm 61 and don't mind looking feminine or younger and don't mind wearing jeans.  Albeit women's cut.

[jill610]

I must be doing this wrong, before HRT I lost a bunch of weight. People got used to that pretty quick once they figured out I was not dying. At 2 months On estradiol I started getting strange looks. At 4 months I'm getting questions and had to come out to my boss and HR. Which went fine.

This is all while presenting in guy mode.

The problem for me is that guy and girl modes began to blend at 2 months and I'm having a hard time reverting to guy mode at work, so mannerisms are showing through. Plus my hair is chin length, but I slick it back at work most days, so that's not really an issue (I work in the tech industry managing software developers). I did get questioned last week by a female coworker about when the ponytail will show up.

Also watch out for changing emotions and values. Things I used to get worked up over at work, I don't anymore. Things I didn't care about, I now do. Even my hiring patterns have changed and all this gets noticed.

[Laurie]

I am a little over 1 year on full dose. 2 or 3 People know and it's only because I told them. My boobs are not really noticeable yet, I went from nothing/flat to a A-cup, so they are growing at a noticeable rate(when topless) but with a shirt on you can't tell. I think/hope by spring they are large enough to be noticed but until they full B small C I am staying stealth.


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[Cristyjade30]

Unfortunately I'm not in a position that I can out myself to really anyone at this time.  But I've read about so called stealth transitioning and just wondered how long could a person pull that off before it becomes obvious?  I get that it would vary by individual and there are a lot of factors but if a person goes on a low dose HRT and weight loss regimen, realistically how long could this go on?

I've been losing a bit of weight which is pretty easy to cover by the running goals I have that other people know about (training for 10K and half marathons) so it's mostly how to cover any changes made by HRT. 

Just wanted to hear from others that have attempted this and if it worked.

So I've been on hormones a year, I changed ALOT, I'm basically full time and pass mostly,  so I'm stealth at work and wherever, it depends on how fast you change, your voice, mannerisms, a lot of factors, some can pass right away. I'm just recently pulling it off. Don't bother with low dose, you'll be crabby and have no energy most of the time. I'm a good b cup and I just where baggy shirts when I absolutely have to pull of guy mode. Some notice though, I was a big muscular guy and weighed 255, year in and I'm 200. I'm still losing weight. Don't swear the small stuff girl you'll be fine!!!
That's the way I look now, and this was a year ago

[Becca Kay]

I'm stealth right now.  Last winter I was overweight and had a significant thick beard.  Since Spring I've lost 50 lbs.   I'm several sessions into laser treatment on my face.  I'm 3 months on HRT.  I've also been slowly training my voice.  It was rather deep, but it's now near the "androgynous range."  I also don't walk, sit or stand like i used to.  I used to consciously walk and move around like a man.  But when i decided to do this i let go of that and I walk and move more like a girl now.

My clothing at the office has changed.  While i'm wearing men's clothing it's now skinny stretch pants, fitted print shirts and ALWAYS a cardigan sweater. Outside of work i now wear women's jeans and a mix of men's and women's tshirts and hoodies. 

While i'm not presenting as a woman I am amazed that nobody at work has said anything to me.  I look radically different than I did a year ago.

I've also had noticeable breast growth the past two months.  but when I wear a bralette or sports bra under a men's shirt/sweater it's not really noticeable yet. 

I could probably do the steath thing indefinately, but at some point i won't be able to deal with it mentally. it's already wearing on me.

[AnonyMs]

While i'm not presenting as a woman I am amazed that nobody at work has said anything to me.  I look radically different than I did a year ago.

I'm guessing its the weight loss. People always say that to me, even if I've not lost any. Hormones are the last thing they think of.

[Sofie L]

I have been full-time everywhere in my life for the last 4 months, except at work. I have been on full-dose hrt for about 9 months. i have been able to hide the breast growth through multiple layers of uniform that I must wear. What's more noticable is the facial hair removal and shaped eyebrows. My face is starting to look a lot more feminine, especially since I haven't cut my hair in more than two years! I don't know how much longer I can hide the fact from my coworkers. I work in a job that is still very toxic for LGBT persons, but I have mentally prepared myself for coming out at work. I'm at the point where I WANT someone to ask me at work if I'm transitioning just so that I can stop this stupid façade!

So, long story short, you can probably pull off a stealthiness at work for a few months, but it won't last forever.

[stmoraza]

I am currently in stealth for about one month. When I went back home my parents wondered why my skin got fairer. They thought that was because I had "better nutrition in the US". They also criticized me for shaving my legs. None of them suspected otherwise, though. I would never come out to my current roommate. Cuz I think he's really male-chau****. He was very unwilling to talk to me these days, so I am afraid that he may have spotted out something. (Maybe he went into my room and found out my hormone pills, whatever.)

[rmaddy]

Do you get strange looks from family members or other people that you are familiar with that you only see occasionally?  I see most of my family members only every few months and wouldn't want the "wow, what's going on with you?" questions.

If you answer that question, it has no further power to drive you crazy. 

[Shellie Hart]

Do you get strange looks from family members or other people that you are familiar with that you only see occasionally?  I see most of my family members only every few months and wouldn't want the "wow, what's going on with you?" questions.

I have been on HRT for about 22 months now and have had great breast growth along with some other lesser changes (hips, skin, odor...). I used to love wearing tight pullover shirts but have had to stop that. Now I buy button-ups a size larger and had hoped that would work. But when I hit C-cup I could really no longer hide very well. They really do stick out now. I get looks now but I try to ignore them as best I can. Here in cold weather I almost always wear a light hunting-style vest when I am out. Friends say I have lost weight but I know it is because my breasts are keeping my shirt pushed out from my body now, which just makes my waist look small. I only see family during cold months when it is easy to hide. I have caught a couple of them staring at my chest, though. I don't know what I will do now if I ever have to see them other times of the year. I can see my new shape in the mirror...I just have to assume others can see too.....

So yes, I get the "strange looks" but so far only from strangers. I have detailed similar events in others posts....

[Charlie Nicki]

I've been doing it for 6 months now. Semi stealth since a lot of people do know but the ones that don't wonder why I've changed so much but they can't figure it out (well besides one person who did) unless I tell them. So it's very easy to do...But I'm actually looking forward to getting more changes and hopefully male fail soon. As scary as coming out seems, I don't want to be in the closet much longer.