Hello my name is Abby and I'm an MtF. Where to begin? Growing up I always knew I was different and from about 11-12 years old or so I knew what was going on. I can't remember exactly but I think I had read an article or something about transsexuals and the light sort of went on in my head. I guess alot of my story is fairly typical. I spent the next 15+ years trying to hide my feelings from family and friends. I also spent alot of time in denial. Over the years I continued to grow more and more depressed and more isolated from the people who were close to me. Finally things got really bad about two years ago. I was hopelessy depressed and began to contemplate suicide. By the Spring of 2006 I don't think there was a day that went by were I didn't think quite seriously about killing myself. I felt completely and utterly hopless. That summer I took unsupervised hormones for about a four months. I had no real plan and I was a complete wreck at the time. I just simply wasn't a functioning human being anymore. The hormones made me feel a bit bettter for a time but I was so screwed up. Anyway after my supply ran out I was off hormones again and things got really bad. I struggled to make it through each and every day.
Finally a year ago last fall I had an orchiectomy. I'm not going to go into details but the doctor who did it didn't require any letters from therapists or anything. It was very much pay the cash and hop on the table. Yes I know, it was a stupid thing to do. A STUPID, STUPID thing. But at the time I simply couldn't cope anymore. I couldn't see any other options. Looking back it's easy to see that I had plenty of options, but at the time my mind and judgement were so clouded that it was impossible for me to see them. Looking back I don't regret that I had it done but I should have found other ways to deal with my issues. In a wierd way having the orchi forced me to deal with all of this head on for the first time. I couldn't run away or bury it all in denial anymore. There isn't the time or the space to go into all the details but as dumb a thing to do as it was, I honestly don't think I'd be alive and breathing today if I hadn't done it.
To make a long story short In the last year I came out to my family, started seeing a therapist and began HRT last April under the supervision of a doctor. I feel extrodinarily lucky at this point. Without exception my family and especially my parents have been completely supportive. In fact my relationship with them is better now than it's ever been. I'm not full time yet but that's not too far around the corner. I still have alot of issues to work out but for the first time I'm completely honest with my family and I've put things back together to the point where I can start to move forward with my life instead of wallowing in depression and despair. Anyway sorry to ramble on.
