Telling people in the workplace you're Trans

[christinag]

Hi Everyone,

I'm new to the forum although I've known and appreciated Susan's Place for some time. I'm looking for advice on telling people at work in a small company (about 20) that you're transgender and you're now going to come to work as a woman.

I plan to talk with HR and my CEO first about this for their opinions. If they believe people in our company would be open and supportive, I thought my next step would be to tell them at a group meeting.

Then I watched a TransbyDef video from Cathy who said people who received an email from her were more receptive than people she told in person.  She said an email to people gave them time to process what was happening in your life vs. being hit cold with the news and not knowing what to say.

I hadn't looked at it that way.  So I'm asking you your opinion of Cathy's perspective on handling coming out. How did you handle it if you've already walked this road?

I value your opinions and experiences.

Regards,

Christina

[StacyRenee]

I came out to HR when I started HRT. I wasn't sure how I would be emotionally. Five months later, I came out to my manager. I told him that I was in the process of legally changing my name... Because I'm transgender.

I told him that once the name change was finalized I wanted to come out to my shift. He wanted to be there for support when I did. We have a meeting at the start of each shift. I just made a short statement at the end of the meeting.

I've gotten nothing but support from everyone each step of the way. Not one negative reaction, at least that I'm aware of. I still get called by my old name on occasion. And still get misgendered frequently... "Sir, he/him/his, buddy, boss" and the like.

Several of the women have warmed up to me. Lots of "girl talk" in the last few months. When I'm misgendered, they often will correct them. I'm amazed at the support I'm getting.



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[Jailyn]

Well you are doing right by going to management first. Then you just need to come out to your co-workers as you feel fit. I came out in person to my co-workers. We don't have e-mail. If you feel more comfortable by e-mail then do so. Ultimately you don't want to be uncomfortable doing it. Each of us comes out slightly differently and never really the same way. My suggestion is do it in your own way. Being considerate of your co-workers and how they will take it is a good way to do things.

[krobinson103]

I started with Classroom manager because I have the most to do with her. She understood, but was concerned about the repercussions of the decision on me in terms of relationships, family etc. I assured her I was working on that, asked if I could speak to our staff physiologist who has experience with this. I also went to the Doctor and got extensive bloods done to ensure there was nothing physically wrong (there isn''t). She asked if could let the principal know and I said yes of course as its important She does.

Then, I talked first to those who work for me, and my immediate colleagues. As more becomes necessary, more people will know. No issues yet. Everyone is supportive. Its quite important in that early changes in physical strength etc have made it unsafe for people to come to me as the 'go to guy' to help with dangerous situations with students - some of whom are quite large. I had to tell  the senior management boys the other day because they asked me to help haul the large heavy stage we use for our concerts and were surprised that I was struggling. They again were supportive. I've had to work smarter.

[Chloe M]

Then, I talked first to those who work for me, and my immediate colleagues. As more becomes necessary, more people will know. No issues yet. Everyone is supportive. Its quite important in that early changes in physical strength etc have made it unsafe for people to come to me as the 'go to guy' to help with dangerous situations with students - some of whom are quite large. I had to tell  the senior management boys the other day because they asked me to help haul the large heavy stage we use for our concerts and were surprised that I was struggling. They again were supportive. I've had to work smarter.
[/quote]

This is my main concern as life at sea is quite labour intensive/hands on. How severe was the strength loss? Still trying to weigh up the pros and cons of starting HRT before coming out to family friends and employer xx

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Christina!

Welcome to Susan's.  Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.

Sorry I don't have any advice on coming out int he work place.  I was retired before I transitioned.  I'm sure lots of others will have good suggestions, though.

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[krobinson103]

Then, I talked first to those who work for me, and my immediate colleagues. As more becomes necessary, more people will know. No issues yet. Everyone is supportive. Its quite important in that early changes in physical strength etc have made it unsafe for people to come to me as the 'go to guy' to help with dangerous situations with students - some of whom are quite large. I had to tell  the senior management boys the other day because they asked me to help haul the large heavy stage we use for our concerts and were surprised that I was struggling. They again were supportive. I've had to work smarter.


This is my main concern as life at sea is quite labour intensive/hands on. How severe was the strength loss? Still trying to weigh up the pros and cons of starting HRT before coming out to family friends and employer xx

Surprising is all. Don't expect to be able single handedly carry a fridge anymore that's for sure. I think it could be overcome if you have a more physical job than mine. Its hard to be exact, and I'd need more time to really know.

[Deborah]

This is my main concern as life at sea is quite labour intensive/hands on. How severe was the strength loss? Still trying to weigh up the pros and cons of starting HRT before coming out to family friends and employer xx

Strength loss is only as severe as you want it to be.  If you are currently on anabolic steroids or if you are a serious weightlifter then you will lose some strength.  On the other hand, if you are like the majority of people then you can easily maintain or gain strength without any testosterone at all.  All you need to do is strength building exercises. 

Without testosterone your strength can increase greatly through neurological adaptations alone.   What you won't get is a great increase in size as that does require testosterone.

My testosterone has been undetectable for over 18 months and until June when I started strength exercises I had not touched a weight in nearly four years and even before HRT I had only lifted weights sporadically for a few months at a time.  I had gotten pretty weak.  Since then I have been powerlifting three times a week (on HRT) and running and have gotten pretty strong very quickly to the point where I'm stronger than before HRT and probably stronger than most men.

Right now at 175 lbs bodyweight my weights for multiple repetitions are:
Back Squat - 260 lbs
Deadlift - 335 lbs
Bench Press - 150 lbs

I have also been looking at a lot of YouTube videos of lean female powerlifters and most of them are lifting more than I am currently.

So the meme that on HRT we are destined for weakness is a myth that needs to die.  Weakness is a personal choice.


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[Chloe M]

Thank you Deborah, You have been most helpful as I was worried that I may be temporary unfit for the job after reading other things online.

[Rachel]

I told my Operations Manager. I have worked with him for 30 years and he was very supportive. I knew he would be an ally.

Next I told HR, it was a day later. I did this because we are self insured and the bills would start coming and I did not want to blind side my employer. When I started HRT I told my supervisor. He had/has issues with my transition. He satalled my coming out for about a year.

My boss wanted unreasonable assurances like a business plan. When presented with a business plan he did not like it and wanted many changes. He did this several times. In the end I started telling staff and told him I was telling staff. He then agreed to let me come out. All of our meetings was with HR present.

My Boss and HR were to be at the 8 meetings when I told the different departments. They did not show up to any of the meetings. Everyone was supportive to my face. I have been told about half talk behind my back. I am a Senior Director and thay talked behind my back before that. Some construction workers say stuff but I will not let that influience me doing my job. I can have them removed from the site but choose to just be in their presence more frequently.

The week before I came out I had a meeting with HR (they called it). There were three present and they went over a lot of different things. I was told by HR when I come out I could not go into mens rooms. I was shocked they actually said that. I think the meeting was to make sure I was going to come out.

All in all it has been a great experiance. My Boss was worried I would be asssaulted and there would be a huge mess at work. It was a non issue and no big deal.

[Chloe M]

Good to hear that your experience has been fairly positive. I spoke with one Trans female when stationed in England for a refit and her employer was an absolute nightmare at local level, eventually after being stalled she just went for it and came out and was well received by colleagues other than that manager x

[Dena]

Because my gender switch occurred between jobs, I didn't have to deal with this. It is my personal view that it's best to come out on person. It shows personal determination and respect for the other person that you are willing to deal with this on a one to one bases. Phone and text are best used when it's not possible to give the personal touch that something like this should be given. The closest I came to this was when I came out to my mother. That was done in person.

[Denise]

I work in the Technology department of a global company (15,000 employees, I've worked there for 30 years)
In December '15 I told my immediate manager and a few very dear friends
In September '16 I told my HR rep.
In I told the rest of my team (4 other people) in Dec '16
HR told (at my request) the CTO (and his direct reports) Feb 20 '17
Over the next three or four days I received dozens of "congratulations" emails.
Thursday, March 2nd @ 5 pm - I replaced my nameplate
Friday, March 3rd, working from home, I changed my Preferred Name in the email system.
Monday, March 6th, Denise went to work. (My HR rep stopped off at 8:00 am to make sure I was okay)
Since then I've had..... ZERO issues, ZERO negative comments.  I've heard (through a third party) that one woman on the floor was 'uncomfortable' with the bathroom situation.  To which I replied - I'll not use the restroom on the next floor down.  If they are uncomfortable, they can go down one floor.

Basically, I was surprised how much of a non-event it was.