Coming out at 51 years old

[Danni Victoria]

I am 51 years old, have been crossdressing for several years, and I want it more and more, to the point I want it 24/7/365.  I am relocating in my city at some point, and my transition is my new beginning.  However, I have a family that doesn't have me with them on the holidays afterwards, and they rarely call me except when they are coming to see me after the holidays.  I wonder if I should bother coming out to them?   

I made a decision with social media, that they will find out (meaning FB friends), and they either stay as my friends, or they can go.  I expect to lose some, maybe many, but I cannot keep going on in the manner I have been going on.  Any suggestions are welcome..:-)

[Jailyn]

Well first congrats on recognizing yourself and wanting to be yourself!!!!! It is very freeing to be able to be out and be yourself. I know it would be better to come out younger, but it is still nonetheless relieving.

[Jessica]

Hi Danni 🙋‍♀️ welcome to Susan's.  I'm 61 myself and there's no time like the present to enjoy who you are!
Hugs, Jessica 💁‍♀️

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Danni!

Welcome to Susan's.  Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.

Congratulations on discovering yourself!  You are in good company here.  There are plenty of older transitioners here.  I came out at age 61: best thing I ever did!

There is no one way to do it.  It depends so much on whom you are coming out to and what your relationship is like with them. 

I started with my wife.  That was a hard one, but there was no way I could have gone behind her back and survived: I knew that if I wanted her on my side, I had to be upfront and honest with her.

Then I told a handful of friends and family that I was pretty sure would be supportive.  I gradually expanded that circle until I was ready to tell the whole world.  Telling the world took a bit of planning.  I live in a small rural community, and I had to plan to manage the inevitable gossip.  You can't control gossip, so I was careful to make sure that potential allies heard it directly from me, rather than from gossip.  Getting the order right was important, and happily, it was successful.

Within hours of telling the local community, I came out to remaining family and friends, and finally on Facebook.  Once it's on FB, the whole world knows, so do that one last.

I was pleasantly surprised that I lost no one of any significance.  A couple of FB "friends" that I didn't really know or care about, that's all.


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[Denise]

I agree with KathyLauren.  Social media, Facebook, should be last.  I found putting yourself in others shoes helps.  How would you want to find out? 

If you haven't seen a therapist, hopefully on who specializes in gender issues, you probably should soon.

- Denise
P.S. I came out to the first person at 53.

Sent from my LG-H910 using Tapatalk

[Anne Blake]

Welcome Danni,

As has already been stated, you are in good company here on Susan's and there are quite a few of us that came out in our "more mature years". My journey began at the age of 67. It is just sooo great to finally be able to live life as you need to but as you probably realize, it is also very tough and painful at times. As Kathy and Denise pointed out, planning the process is very important and Denise's suggestion of a gender therapist is a biggy. I will also include that developing a support group is huge. I would not have made it this far without one or two people that truly had my back during some of the tough times. The good folks here on Susan's can be a part of that but I can suggest that a face to face group of friends will prove valuable in your transition.

Tia Anne

[HappyMoni]

Hi Danni, my name is Moni and I started  my process at 57. Great advise from wonderful ladies above. My thought is if you are still on good enough terms to still see family why not give it a shot that maybe it could work out okay. If they find out word of mouth rather than you telling them, they are likely to feel disrespected. I think I would probably feel that way.