How to tell my ex and my son, and what to do?

[Morgana]

I haven't yet told my ex wife or my 8 year old son that I'm transitioning. They live about 10 hours away. I'm on good terms with my ex, and my son thinks the world of me, and I of him. They live in my home town, which is not the most progressive place in the world. Thankfully, my ex is a very progressive, open minded person. So, i was wondering if anyone could offer some advice on coming out to them? By the way, my mom and her side of the family live near my ex and son, and mom and her side of the family are...shall we say...only slightly less ignorant and prejudiced than most hate groups. Yes, my mom baby sits my sone a few days a week. Though I'm not in contact with mom and her relatives, I know that there could be fallout from them finding out, which they inevitably would. One more thing: the area in which I live is quite progressive and safe. Advice please?

[Sarah leah]

My son and daughter were 7 and 8 years old when I advised them about my desires to change. They both took it well and I think part of it was because of how I explained it to them both. Firstly, I explained that when I was in their grandmothers tummy my brain grew differently than other dads and because of the way it functioned it meant my body was going to change to match it. I did not say my gender was changing at this point. However, over the next few days I explained it to them in greater detail and unpacked it with them by introducing more aspects of it to them both, whilst inviting questions. I suggested that due to the changes I would be growing my hair longer as it made me happy which meant I would need my daughter to need to help me brush it etc as I was not as "smart as her"  and might "brush it wrong." I then explained that all my life I did not feel right and that after talking to my doctor I was now going to start to get medication to help me.

I still did not say I was changing gender, but over a week of passing comments my daughter said you know daddy you look like your mummy a bit. This was perfect as it let me state, "yeah heh that is because of the way I was born." This prompted her to ask more and I stated simply, "Yeah, I look like a boy but I was starting to become a girl." She nodded and giggled then say ok!!

In terms of my son I told him a few hours later that I needed to be honest with him and told him that I felt sad sometimes and after speaking to the doctor I decided to change my outside to match my brain, which meant over a few years I would start to look a bit more like a girl. He was ok with it but it took a few weeks to process and we chatted a lot about it. When I did finally start HRT a dozen months ago they were both on board and did not bat an eyelid as I just normalised it as part of being human.