Coming Out and Family Issues

[bluetrebleclef]

I've identified as an FTM for 3 years. I'm 18, and I've been miserable being in the closet. I was very girly as a young child, but when I was around 10 I became a tomboy and was angry at how women were seen as inferior. I never had serious issues during puberty. I've always felt different from other girls, and when I was 15 I learned what transgender meant, and I was relieved, having a name for why I felt so odd. I know for a fact that I'm not a girl, and I feel a lot of social dysphoria and dysphoria with my hips, voice, and small frame. Around 9th grade I as a boyfriend and I was incredibly jealous that I wasn't like one of the guys, that they saw me as a girl. I'm not sure if I'm actually trans or if it's internalized misogyny.

Secondly, I'm terrified of coming out to my parents (I currently live with them, but I'll be moving out soon). My family is very "If you're a guy, you do this", and the men hang out with the men and vice versa at family gatherings. I feel sad, because I won't be my dad's little girl, and my mom always talks about how she's glad she has a girl and a boy (I have a younger brother). I don't want to be treated a lot differently, especially from my extended family. I'm not sure if I want to go on T, as I'm a little wary about facial hair and possibly ruining my singing voice. I tend to dress on the more masculine side of feminine, and my dad always says stuff like "If you wore makeup and tried to care about your appearance, maybe guys would like you." I can't seem to get him out of my head, and I feel guilty and ugly sometimes when I wear guys' clothes. The biggest thing is that I want to be able to wear a mix of guys' and girls' clothes, but I worry that when I go into the workforce, will I be respected even if I'm not on T?

Sorry for the long post, there's just a lot on my mind.

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Bluetrebleclef!

Welcome to Susan's.  Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.

It is hard to say if you are trans or not.  Perhaps you are.  Perhaps you are a tomboy.  Perhaps "tomboy" is on the trans spectrum.  I don't know.

If you have an aversion to facial hair and you want to keep your female voice, then you won't be able to go on T.  And that, in turn, means that people will see you as female.  Your choices would likely come down to being okay with that or constantly correcting them.

One thing I would suggest is seeing a gender therapist as soon as you are able to do so.  They can help you sort out what you feel and how you want to proceed.

Coming out to family is always stressful.  But often we are pleasantly surprised.  Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

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[Elis]

If you're questioning your assigned gender then more likely than not you're on the trans spectrum. Ask any cis person and it wouldn't have occurred to them to question the gender they were given at birth.

Sometimes you have to go against what your family thinks is best. You know your own mind better than anyone.  Concentrate on what makes you more comfortable within your body; not whether your family would approve or what they'd say about it.

My dad often made comments or gave me looks whenever I wore anything masculine. But when I started to try and not let those things get to me it became easier for me to work out what I needed to do for myself.