A sudden, dramatic process for me. I noticed it practically the next day and increasing more during that first week. It shocked me to be honest. I had believed T wouldn't help me one iota. I was pessimistic about it doing anything in the brain department.
But I should add I was suffering a lot compared to some people before I did - I'd been diagnosed with a massive deficit of natural hormones, both T and E were unhealthily low, my mental state was a hot mess as a result for my docs, I was under actual stress in life and haven't touched anti-depressants or anxiety drugs since 2007. Guess it's not surprising it had an immediate revitalizing and calming effect. I was trying to hold it all together and was actually technically sick and didn't know it.
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Did your life dramatically change emotionally-wise through transitioning?
Totally. As I mentioned in other threads it took the edge off in a big way. Lots more control and confidence. Lots less anxiety and fear.
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Did you feel a much greater peace/happiness/joy/whatever (in your life/self) that you could have ever imagined?
In a sense, yeah. Imagining what it's like to be at peace when you're not and actually being at peace... two different states entirely. But it wasn't unlike what I'd hoped for.
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Was all that unhappiness/discomfort suddenly gone?
Yeah. In fact it almost began to bug me because my sex organs were ceasing to bother me as much as they always have and I wasn't feeling the sort of disgust I normally do toward sex. I was actually feeling more at peace with the idea of what's feminine. Which weirded me the hell out. But it hasn't made any difference to my resolve to keep going and get my surgery and transition as intended. Just because I'm not hating on it doesn't mean I should keep it, I think. I need to go all the way.
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Do you see a divide in your life pre & after transitioning?
Did you used to have a constant low unexplainable mood before that - that completely changed after?
Yeah. There was the old mental state and the new. Same personality, different wiring and underlying motivations.
Not really - my mood was fairly stable for the last ten years or so. The real depression and hell is in my past, childhood... adolescence... early adulthood. I've been upbeat for the last ten years or so despite things not going according to plan. But what was ratcheting up was the tension and the stress due to circumstances and the slow realization dawning on me that nothing I had done in life was alleviating the trans thing. Sooner or later it was going to catch up with me. Now I know what a REALLY stable mood feels like and it's good.
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How would you describe your mood & your content in yourself & life after transitioning?
It's generally good. I don't have many bad days and the bad moods pass quickly anyway. I don't feel a cloud of anxiety over me any more. I don't get angry much when people are acting like jackasses around me. I was already happy with who I was inside so everything is fine in there. More upbeat and optimistic about myself, if not for the future of the country, lol.
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Are you now mostly happy & calm?
Yeah, mostly. I've had a few blips because some people do know exactly how to push my buttons, but I've been trying to count to ten internally when they do and remind myself it's all BS and
who cares anyway, and that works. Unfortunately I can still lose my rag in rage and that can happen quickly and without much warning. That only started to happen about 5 years ago, not sure why, but I never used to be like that until then. Stress might have changed something in the head. Who knows. 99% of the time I'm calm and content. I don't know if I'd use the word
happy, but contentment is the next best thing.
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Without doubt this is the best I've ever felt in my life. I am sure it's down to T and not the process of transition itself at this point. I expect it'll get better when all the surgeries are done.
