Things I shoulda said, had I thought of it!

[HelenW]

During your real life test I can imagine (since I'm not there yet) that some horrible (and some not so horrible) people might say some horrible things to a person.  I already get some snide comments just because I'm presenting a little more androgenously.

When this happens, I'm usually so upset that I mumble a bit, go into brain freeze (stare down at the floor) and only think of clever, witty and devastating things I should have answered back after stewing for awhile.  Since preplanning would help in such cases I was wondering:  What negative things have people said to you and how would you have LIKED to answer?  What kind of advice would you give to a newbie?

helen

[Sheila]

Helen, I really never have anything to say to people who do not understand what we go through. I have just ignored anything they say and go on with my business. Usually people like that just dig themselves into a hole anyway, when they are making rude comments. Not everyone around likes to hear people talk like that. It takes a child to be that way and when they keep up with the rude comments, people tend to distant themselves from those kind. Someone told me that if you feel like someone is staring at you and you start to feel intimidated, to just hold your head high and stick those boobs out. I have done that and it makes me feel better and walk away a proud woman.
Sheila

[Cassandra]

Sometime when people are being rude, like when I'm standing in a line and someone in a adjacent line starts staring at me I just look at them up and down especially their shoes. This is a very subtle way of diminshing their importance. As in "you can't even afford a decent pair of shoes, what are you staring at?"
This will usually emabarass them sufficiently they stop staring and mind thier own business. Most times I just ignore such people. Others who make verbal comments are most often best ignored. I just hold my head up and act like I never heard a thing or they must be talking to someone else.

In general it is better to take the high ground and refrain from becoming confrontational. Little good can come of it. Just don't look at you feet, always hold your head up high and be proud of who you are. Don't apologise and don't validate their opinions.

Cassie

[Sara]

Helen, They could also be looking at you in a nice way and it is easy to think that is not the case. It has happened to me on several occasions where a guy has looked at me and I get all steamed up thinking he was being rude but after I think he may have just been staring at me thinking how hot I was (I wish).

There is of course the other end to this argument where they look at you with daggers then of course I get upset go home and cry and think I'll never go out in public again (but I do).

Sara.

[stephanie_craxford]

Hey there Helen,

This is probably one of the hardest issues to deal with.  Personally I haven't encountered directly anyone directly making comments to me, I guess I'm lucky.  I think the vast majority of people who would think of saying anything to your face are too cowardly to actually do it.

I'll be honest and say that it was one of my biggest anxieties, but now if it were to happen I would just ignore it.  Realistically I don't have the time or inclination to address people who would make such comments, I have more important things to be doing as I am not going to be able to change this persons point of view or opinion during the brief moment of the encounter, so don't bother.  I've started telling myself... "I don't mind and they don't matter.

Steph

[Kimberly]

I can't say I ever remember hearing impolite comments, but I have noticed a few disapproving looks... but then that is nothing new and I certainly make no demands that anyone likes me... By and large though I seem to be pretty oblivious. ^*shrug*