I've been following Susan's forums for a while now as a guest, reading extensively on other girl's FFS experiences and transiting in general. I've just today made the jump to actually registering. Why? Read on!
I'm a 39 year old IT consultant living in Montreal, Canada and father (yes I still use that title) of a 2.5 year old boy, recently separated from my wife following my coming out.
When I read other girl's stories and how some have known for decades and felt trapped in their assigned gender, I feel rather silly. I was personally completely deluded about my own gender for close to forty years! Sure I felt awkward as a man, I was prone to depression and I hated myself for no valid reason, but I never put two and two together until last June after 2 years of deep depression.
A scientific paper I read triggered a nasty little doubt that my brain might be wired in "female mode". That bit of rational trigger then gave way to a deluge of repressed feelings and memories, like a damn first cracking then bursting from the accumulated pressure. I quickly gained a deep conviction that I was transgender. Once you know, you can't "un-know"... and it brings a sense of peace. Of "wholeness".
But THEN I really felt like a a woman trapped in a man's body.. exit depression, enter dysphoria BIG time! Out of the frying pan and into the fire, right?
Since then I've pulled all the stops to make it through transition as quickly and efficiently as possible: coming outs, HRT, FFS and SRS surgeries, official name and gender change, etc. Everything planned out for a March 2018 full-time feminization and Summer 2019 transition complete date. Professional project management skills applied to MtF transition!
Throughout my research and planning, community resources such as Susan's Place have been invaluable. And I get the feeling that, as my transition progresses, other girl's experiences and advices will be even more critical. When it comes to the more personal or emotional aspects of being transgender, I realize not amount of research or planning can prepare you for what you go through. You have to simply live it and hopefully have others to turn to when it gets too much...
I hope I eventually get the chance to contribute and help others in the same way. 'Till then, I'll be reading your posts with great interest!
Sincerely,
Anabelle
