Has anyone had experiences coming out to a Jehovah's wittiness family members

[annajasmine]

Has anyone had experiences coming out to a Jehovah's wittiness family members (the most important ones are my mom and older sister)? The reason I ask this about half my family are Jehovah's Wittinesses and they usually shun people they have there own terms. Right now I live with mom it is embarrassing for someone who is 33 years old still be living at home(eight partially wasted years but I did took care of older family members, got some college). I told her I was moving with in the year and she totally flip out for a while. She ask me why I said I need to live my own and do my own things that make me happy. I love her but felt that she was trying guilt trip me staying because she started having issues a few days later and I told her she needs tell her neurologist because her depression medications has those side affect. The neurologist wouldn't not let her leave until she a had an appointment with a therapist which she cancel Monday. I'm afraid how my mom and family might react I when come out tell them I want live the rest of my life as a women. My family possible reaction has bothering to the point sometime it depresses me to be around my family.

[Wing Walker]

Has anyone had experiences coming out to a Jehovah's wittiness family members (the most important ones are my mom and older sister)? The reason I ask this about half my family are Jehovah's Wittinesses and they usually shun people they have there own terms. Right now I live with mom it is embarrassing for someone who is 33 years old still be living at home(eight partially wasted years but I did took care of older family members, got some college). I told her I was moving with in the year and she totally flip out for a while. She ask me why I said I need to live my own and do my own things that make me happy. I love her but felt that she was trying guilt trip me staying because she started having issues a few days later and I told her she needs tell her neurologist because her depression medications has those side affect. The neurologist wouldn't not let her leave until she a had an appointment with a therapist which she cancel Monday. I'm afraid how my mom and family might react I when come out tell them I want live the rest of my life as a women. My family possible reaction has bothering to the point sometime it depresses me to be around my family.

Curious that you should ask.  I have seen that.  I wish you the best of luck.

Wing Walker

[BCL]

My Mums Sister is a Jehovahs Witness.

I told her about my plans to transition, she has never spoken to me since (or her Children, my cousins).

That was nearly 10 years ago.

Rebecca

[buttercup]

Hi annajasmine,

Yes I understand what you're going through, I have a dear friend who left the JW's and half her family are still in it.  She felt betrayed by them primarily because they preached that an armageddon was coming, I think it was in the late 70's, and she was deprived of a good education because the end was nigh (sheer hysteria, i tell you)!!
Anyway, they are tough.  There is no compromise, everything is dealt with publically before the 'brothers', this leaves one vulnerable and emotionally stunted. These were my friends words, but I am sure you know all about it.
It's hard to tell what your family's reaction will be.  I hope there will be a good outcome for you and your mother, particularily regarding her health.
I think you will have some trials ahead and you will have to make some difficult choices.

buttercup   

[Wing Walker]

Hi annajasmine,

Yes I understand what you're going through, I have a dear friend who left the JW's and half her family are still in it.  She felt betrayed by them primarily because they preached that an armageddon was coming, I think it was in the late 70's, and she was deprived of a good education because the end was nigh (sheer hysteria, i tell you)!!
Anyway, they are tough.  There is no compromise, everything is dealt with publically before the 'brothers', this leaves one vulnerable and emotionally stunted. These were my friends words, but I am sure you know all about it.
It's hard to tell what your family's reaction will be.  I hope there will be a good outcome for you and your mother, particularily regarding her health.
I think you will have some trials ahead and you will have to make some difficult choices.

buttercup   

I fully agree with Buttercup.  I was married to a JW for seven months.  She did not tell me of her affiliation until we had been married a few months.

At first it was study the Bible at-home, then go to the Kingdom Hall on Wednesday for Bible study.  I had some huge problems with the theology I heard and that I was in the land of narrow minds who think that they "...must hate what Jehovah hates."  You can take it from there.

As Buttercup said, all problems go before the elders and there is no seal of confession like the seal under which Catholic priests are bound.

It took me four months to see what I had not been told and three months to plan my escape, and when I got gone, I stayed gone.

To the best of my knowledge this sect has stopped predicting the end of the world.

I wish you well in your endeavours.

Wing Walker

[kae m]

My only serious relationship was with a girl who's mother was a jehova's witness.  The girl I was with was not, and her mother treated her absolutely horribly because of it.  By shunning her, she missed out on so much of her daughter's life.  The girl continued to show her mother that she loved her, and showed her all she was missing.  This didn't ultimately change her mother's behavior (at least not when I still knew her), but it let her cope in a crazy environment.

I don't know how your mother and sister will take the news, but I wish you the very best.  Even if they don't accept you, you can still love them and show them what they are missing out on.

[Berliegh]

Has anyone had experiences coming out to a Jehovah's wittiness family members (the most important ones are my mom and older sister)? The reason I ask this about half my family are Jehovah's Wittinesses and they usually shun people they have there own terms. Right now I live with mom it is embarrassing for someone who is 33 years old still be living at home(eight partially wasted years but I did took care of older family members, got some college). I told her I was moving with in the year and she totally flip out for a while. She ask me why I said I need to live my own and do my own things that make me happy. I love her but felt that she was trying guilt trip me staying because she started having issues a few days later and I told her she needs tell her neurologist because her depression medications has those side affect. The neurologist wouldn't not let her leave until she a had an appointment with a therapist which she cancel Monday. I'm afraid how my mom and family might react I when come out tell them I want live the rest of my life as a women. My family possible reaction has bothering to the point sometime it depresses me to be around my family.

My aunt is a Jehovah's Wittiness and is fine with it...

[daisybelle]

Interesting story:   We had a friend that was a JW, and she invited us to a JW communion.

Me and my wife being Christian, we said sure.  Although the friend would not come to our daughter's baptism.

So they start passing out the plate with cracker bits ( unleavened bread ) , and I take one and my wife take one and plop it in our mouths.

Then we started to notice no one else was taking any.  Up Oh!!!   Apparently only the worthy are to partake.

So we were invited to look at god's plate but not take from it.... 

We were not invited back. 

LOL

Daisy

[annajasmine]

I know all about their doctrine I had been going to the Kingdom Hall(their name for church) until age 17. I never progressed in their faith never published(knock on doors) and never been baptize. As a kid never had much faith in god with all crap that has happen to me as a child. When uncle  had affair he got disfellowshipped (shunning of the baptize) she didn't say a word to him for about two years. Both my mom and older sister say their love is unconditional but I have my doubts. At the time I wanted to ask a what if question and decided not to. I know this going to be very messy and painful. This has cause to change my mind once about what I was going do to when I 25. It not going to happen this time because I got to live life already too much has past me by. I feel this way because the last 8 years has been so miserable for me.

Thanks,
Anna

Posted on: December 14, 2007, 10:15:46 AMdaisybelle I know what your talking about I show up for it for mom it is a once year thing. And if me and my little sister (not older) were there we might break out in to laughter. Just because looks on peoples faces. Not because of you.  Well maybe a little just not in a bad way.

Talk to you later
Anna

[LostInTime]

Fortunately for me the only ones in the extended family who are JW turned their back on most of the fam years and years ago.

[Sarah]

As far as I know, they are a cult. At worst.
A very fundamentalist sect at best.

I don't think there's going to be any compromise with them.

I would prepare yourself for the worst possible reaction from them.
Whatever that may be and your response to that.

Now, if you get some amazingly rare breed of all-accepting JW's -then great.
But I wouldn't count on it.

For me, when I have to deal with family who are conservative christians, I basically pick my battles.
With my grandparrents, I have no intention of telling them.
They have (at least my Grandmother has) enough issues with my being Buddhist, I don't need to rock their world with the Trans announcement.
They are old, and I love them.

With aunts and uncles on that side of the family I probably will tell. I am planning to at some point, but my uncle is dying and I will wait.
Cousins, yes. Definitely.

But all these people I only talk to at most a couple of times a year. I never see them accept maybe once every seven years or so. My entire relationship I have ever had with my favorite cousin on that side of the family amounts to maybe two weeks of total time spent together in our lifetime.

So how much do they really mean to me? I love them, but if I tell them and they do not take it ok, it isn't going to rock my world that they have an issue with it.
I will be saddened, but I will understand that dealing with ignorance is a part of life.

I don't know if this helps, but this is how I deal with my family.

JW's from all impressions are far more fundie than my family is, so I really don't know. Trust your gut.

[sarah.s]

i was a jehovahs witness untill i was 18, all my family are still embedded in the religion, my dad is a ministerial servant (one rank down from an elder) From a young age i was taken knocking on doors, my big sister and little brother are 'pioneers' (they have decided to devote their lives to spreading the word) My family were like some kind of advert within the faith for all other families to aspire to, until i was disfellowshipped.

when i was 18 i wrote my dad a letter telling him how i really felt, it was 3 pages long and i said sorry for lying to him for all these years, i was even baptized at 17, some kind of guilt trip made me do this, like one last try to make things work and keep everybody happy. it didnt work, just made things more difficult for me to leave.

all the friends i had were in the religion and after i left most of them would not talk to me again, some even crossing the street to avoid me, eventually i decided that these people were not worth knowing if they were that shallow and went on to make many real friends that did not care about my beliefs, or lack of.

i still lived at home for a few years after i left and, at first it was difficult, they teach their followers to shun even family members who have left and i knew this but didnt want it to happen. i hardly spoke to my dad for a long time, my mum always treated me the same and i love her dearly for this, if it wasnt for her sticking up for me to my dad my life would have fallen apart and i dont know where i would be now.

im 25 now and in the last couple of years my relationship with my dad has improved vastly, although it will never be a friendship, we talk and get on well. my little brother lives in england but i get on with him too, my big sister lives in england too and although i wasnt invited to her wedding i went anyway, sitting respectfully at the back and left after the service, she was glad i came.

as far as trans issues, i dont think my dad would agree but i have a feeling he would come around eventually, i think the same about my mum, i think she thinks i am a TV because i have few secrets from her and she has thrown me a few comments and looks over the years but she has never been anti-trans or judgmental

sorry about the long post but it sorta just came out

annajasmine;  i think the moral of the story is blood is mostly thicker than water and there will be hard times at first but persevere, dont give up on your family, just give them time to get used to the idea and dont try to force the issue. feel free to pm me anytime


sarah.s

[annajasmine]

Thanks for replies just letting you know read them I just can't post about this now maybe in few hours or tomorrow.
Anna

Posted on: January 03, 2008, 01:26:06 PMI was worrying about this yesterday and today I was pretty upset and now there was replies to this post today. I guess good timing. I just have to hope these things work out for the best for now. I feel that I have built a good relationship with my family and I have done a lot for them. But if things don't work out because of the religion there is nothing I can do except just be nice. Hope they don't actively work against me or hate me. Also really think my mom needs therapy I worry how she is going to handle this and she won't go to a therapist because she said "they probably encourage to do things against bible principles". I have a lot of guilt about this I feel that I going to ruin and hurt my family. I can't live my life for other people anymore not even family.

Later,
Anna

[Sarah]

Thanks for replies just letting you know read them I just can't post about this now maybe in few hours or tomorrow.
Anna

Posted on: January 03, 2008, 01:26:06 PMI was worrying about this yesterday and today I was pretty upset and now there was replies to this post today. I guess good timing. I just have to hope these things work out for the best for now. I feel that I have built a good relationship with my family and I have done a lot for them. But if things don't work out because of the religion there is nothing I can do except just be nice. Hope they don't actively work against me or hate me. Also really think my mom needs therapy I worry how she is going to handle this and she won't go to a therapist because she said "they probably encourage to do things against bible principles". I have a lot of guilt about this I feel that I going to ruin and hurt my family. I can't live my life for other people anymore not even family.

Later,
Anna

You have done nothing wrong.
You were born that way.
If this causes problems in your family, it is not your fault. You had no control over it. The thing is , what their perspective of what reality is, and what reality actually is are not the same. You don't have any control over that.
If they try to impose guilt on you, remember that they are delusional.
It's sad, but true. You have done nothing to be ashamed of even if they think you have.
They are incorrect.
Reality isn't answerable to their personal will. What is, is, and is not dependent upon their beliefs. People used to think that the world wasn't round.
It is. And all the bichin and moaning isn't going to change that one bit.
You have done nothing wrong. You are a perfectly natural and normal human being.
Their perspective of normal is not true. You know this. You were born this way. And it doesn't matter if they like it or not.
It would be helpful if they were more accepting of it, but delusion exists.
Parents and family are no exception to this.
Just try to have compassion for yourself, and them. They are suffering too.
Delusion is painful.
And don't go blaming yourself. You have done nothing to be ashamed of.

[daisybelle]

They could probably punch a hole in this approach but think about it.  This is based on the premise you are a Christian.. just not a JW

Tell them you accept Christ as your savior.  Christ teaches to love one another.  If they shun you, they are committing a sin of hatred, but you will pray for them.

Tell them that understand their beliefs but may not totally accept them.  However you have your arms open to them, while they do not. Tell them  do they want accept the possibility they might be wrong, and that the thread of a belief they are hanging onto is completely denying the chance to love and spend time with you.  Tell them again you will pray for them.

Hugs

Daisy

[annajasmine]

To clarify I'm not a JW and will never be one. I really never had much faith and do not subscribe to any particular faith. But I do pray every once in a while just in case there is somebody out there. JWs are not just a bible base group. They have huge library of books, magazines, and factories producing them. So they have a lot doctrine base in these books. They do not accept gays, lesbian, and anyone from transgender group. I have seen families that ignored advice about shunning. Since I'm not a JW now and still being accepted that good but I have seen were they just isolated one of my cousin for fornicating. I remember seeing him in public with my mom and headed in the opposite direction and turn her head so he won't see her. I think they would view being TS a lot worse than fornicating. I'm not going to argue religion with them that makes things worse because that will make me an apostate with the JW lifestyle & religion.

Sarah thanks for your post and everybody else for your posts too.
See Ya,
Anna

[daisybelle]

They do accept gays, lesbian, and anyone from transgender group.

I think you meant do not accept.

I believe you also meant you do not want to argue with them because that would make you an apostate with the JW lifestyle & religion.

Daisy

[annajasmine]

I am sorry about my grammar I have been working on it lately. Changing majors in college to a subject requires more writing. I think I have corrected some of the errors but I am sure there is some you didn't find. Thanks pointing them out because it did changed the meaning of my post.
Later,
Anna

daisybelle I didn't mean offend you on my last post if I did I apologize. 

[Sarah]

Sarah thanks for your post and everybody else for your posts too.
See Ya,
Anna

You're welcome Friend!

-Peace
Sarah

[louise000]

I studied with JWs for a time many years ago. They are a worldwide organisation and are on the increase, probably due to many people's dissatisfaction with traditional religions and fears about world politics. Most JWs are nice, sincere people who take their bible seriously, in fact it is the be all and end all to them. People do get sort of brainwashed once they get into it. The JWs are governed from New York by some pretty faceless and anonymous leaders. I found it all a bit suspicious and could never bring myself to take things further.
JWs will put bible teachings before family and will quote passages to justify that. As far as they are concerned jehovah made man and woman, nothing in between. Most JWs would keep well away from anyone contemplating gender transition, although some might try and dissuade an individual from such a course of action by quoting relevant bible passages.
Studying with them actually had the effect of destroying my religious beliefs and I am now quite happy to be totally non-religious.
I hope things turn out OK between you and your family.