Dealing with doubt days

[AnnaKA1982]

I am having one of my doubt days... Just doubting myself at every turn. Whether or not I'll ever pass. Whether HRT will make me happy. Doubting my ability to fit in once I start. Doubting whether or not I'll ever get my voice to pass. Ugh. Just really could use some words of encouragement.

[Tatiana 79]

Hello Anna,

Please sweetheart everyone has doubtfull days  do not think you're alone
No one's transition is absolutely perfect, you're only mortal.

What you're about to partake in is a high magnitude event to say the least.
I would bet there's not a member here that has not felt some of the same indecisiveness as you do.

I believe you know who you are in your head and these are merely bumps in the road of your transition.

I believe overtime you can work on these issues one at a time to make them more acceptable to you. All that really matters is what you think of yourself in your head and not giving in to other people's standards and rules. Is it not your life to live and not theirs.
Are these issues that impossible that they are enough to make you not even attempt it. Of course they're not, you trying to achieve Harmony between your inner identity and your body, I believe is far more important.
For myself personally I would never not transition because of these, after all they're not as crucial as your health.
I personally to, have wrestled with the same questions.  after a lot of RLE just on my own property and dipping my toe in slowly to the community here I found that much of the ailments that disabled me and left me non-functional, where disappearing.  I know that if I stayed closeted the symptoms would only increase. And my only chance for happiness, well being, freedom and health were to pursue my goal of lessening the dysthoria this way.
my health and life were just stagnating away and I knew what would improve my condition, but it wouldn't exactly be a piece of cake to do but it's certainly doable and far less of an evil that if I would have remained closeted up all those years with all my wounds festering worse.

Step back for a few days and think about it I believe you'll come to the same conclusion. remain visualized on the big picture.

  Best wishes for you my friend love Tatiana

[AnnaKA1982]

Thank you very much for that, Tatiana. I truly appreciate the kind words and it really does help. Deep down, I know that this is what I want and need to do. But the doubt still creeps in from time to time. And I know that all of this takes time. Patience was never my strongest attribute. Ha ha. But I am working on it.

[Tatiana 79]

Hey Anna
I can really identify to what you just said my therapist has been telling me I'm was kind of waffling talking myself into it then talking myself out of it because I too wasn't a hundred percent sure nor is anyone.
The only thing that really helped me was realizing that my mother was exposed to the drug DES. That provided a tidy explanation for me that really lit my fuse and I am a hundred percent committed and have no indecisiveness at all now.
To achieve this stick-to-itiveness you must realize Beyond any reasonable doubt that you are doing the right thing, you must have some moments of your past that kind of prove to you that you are doing the right thing or felt better as a result of.
Try to exploit something that makes you feel more comfortable in your own skin, whether it's through expressing yourself with clothes or whatever and take it up a notch and I hope you get a strong enough reaction that it's so right that it'll overcome the doubts you have.

This is about the best I can think of I sure hope it helps love Tatiana

[AnnaKA1982]

That is excellent advice. I can think of a couple of instances from my past (both distant and more recent) that really made me certain that this decision is the best one. I will definitely try to focus and amplify those more and more. I know I can do this and with the help and support from wonderful members like yourself, Tatiana, I know that I will have more than enough help.

[Nikkimn]

All I have to do is look at old pictures of when I was male and realize I never want to be that person again. I also look at pictures of myself as her and see how genuinely happy I am. Being happy with yourself is all you need. Don't let others bring you down or doubt who you are.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Eryn T]

Anna, I had a doubt day not too long ago.  I understand it sucks, it was like... do I look alright in these clothes? How come I can't seem to walk straight or properly? My voice keeps cracking and just being terrible.

There are definitely going to be off/doubt days for us, it even happens to cis gendered people.  What I think can help is understanding if you're doubting yourself one day, understand it and try to make a small improvement the next day.

I think sometimes, the reality of having to present as one thing your entire life and then suddenly changing so much is bound to have some growing pains; and practice makes perfect.

Just today, I did doubt myself a little. I was always pretty happy with me voice, but sometimes when I listen to my youtube commentary i'm really unhappy. And I got this app on my phone, played around with it some today and basically showed my voice was getting worse, rather than better.

But. I used that opportunity to try even harder, and I think my voice actually(just a few hours later) has been the best I've ever had thus far.


S, like, amidst all my ramblings; I think use those low points to lift yourself up higher in the future, and utilize tools to help make it so.  It could be a voice app, it could be like a dancing video game, it could be chat roulette(lol), just something where you can more easily measure your own progress in ways that just are hard to put to numbers some time.

[AnnaKA1982]

Thank you so much for that Eryn. That really does help. I try not to let it get to me and I know it's a work in progress. But knowing that I'm not alone definitely helps.

[Sephirah]

I am having one of my doubt days... Just doubting myself at every turn. Whether or not I'll ever pass. Whether HRT will make me happy. Doubting my ability to fit in once I start. Doubting whether or not I'll ever get my voice to pass. Ugh. Just really could use some words of encouragement.

Doubt is natural, sweetie. We all have it. About everything. No matter what we do. It's the little voice inside our heads that says "don't do that, because it could hurt you. And I don't want you to be hurt." It's a fear of the unknown. It's an amalgamation of all the bad feelings you've ever had in your life about yourself, and what you're capable of. It's your mind trying to tell you that doing anything where you aren't sure of the outcome could be a risk. And that, in its humble opinion, you should just stay inside the cave and pick out wallpaper patterns rather than see what's beyond that next valley. It's that little part of all of us which doesn't like facing the unknown.

But that's all it is, Anna. It doesn't know what the outcome will be. It's a defense mechanism in your mind which is trying to get you to not do something because it can't predict the outcome. It has no reflection whatsoever on what is actually going to happen. For the most part it's based on past emotions and experiences, and using that to extrapolate the future. That's what you have to understand.

You're not the person you were then, and you don't have to be the person this voice in your head thinks you should be. The future is as unknown to you as it is to this voice of doubt. Whereas it sees a negative, you can be excited for it. And see the positive. Realise that it has nothing to base the doubt on other than a feeling. A feeling embedded in the past.

You can do it, sweetie. I believe in you. *big hugs*

[AnnaKA1982]

Oh that just about made me cry. Good tears I promise. Thank you so much. I feel like I can do this and push that voice into the background. I have found so much support on here and my heart and soul are bursting at the seams.