My last Christmas as 'him'

[Jessica_Rose]

This will be my last Christmas as 'him'. 'He' has celebrated dozens of joyous and wonderful Christmas's with friends and family, but this will be 'his' last. I realize this is really just one of 365 days every year, but it is a special day for many families. Like mine, it may be the only time all year everyone is in one place. The more I think about it, the sadder I get.

For those who have already transitioned, how did you handle this or any other recurring special day?

[Megan.]

Good question...

This is my first (of many) as her. [emoji5]

I don't remember much from last Christmas,  only to say that I'd already set a provisional date to go full-time,  so everything felt a little 'pointless'. Not in a bad way,  but many things held little value because I knew that the person I was,  would in some ways be ending.

I'd take the chance to enjoy this time, and reflect on the positive moments being that person has brought you.

Happy Christmas. X

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[kaitylynn]

Another possible way to look at it is, because of intent this sounds like your first Christmas as 'her'! 

May it be awesome and may your 2018 be filled with positive, forward love and energy <3

[Allison S]

I can relate and I'm going to have a positive outlook on this as @kaitylynn has. We'll be going into the first (hopefully) year as "her"/ourselves!
This is a joyous time and for the first time in a long time I'm looking forward to the future [emoji4]

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[Angela49]

I am in the same situation. My plan is to dress totally as "him" and just enjoy my time with family. I am out to my family but one of my daughters is not accepting yet so I rather see everyone happy and joyful for this Christmas.
So I will put on my kakis, ugly shoes and a sport coat of course over pretty panties and a silky camisole
Hopefully next year is different!

[Allison S]

Lol angela i'm probably wearing a waist cincher my sweatshirt and skinny jeans. Kinda boring because they don't show my curves but definitely last christmas i'll be doing this!

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[Jessica_Rose]

I am not out to my daughters yet, in fact counting my wife only four people know. I will definitely be dressed male for Christmas, I want it to be enjoyable for everyone. I had planned to come out to my daughters on Thursday, but one of them will be leaving Wednesday evening. This is the only time they will both be home until next Christmas, so it looks like I will be telling them Tuesday. I am OK if I don't think about it, but the closer it gets the harder it is to keep my emotions in check.

[FinallyMichelle]

One of many "lasts" no doubt. 😊 Or firsts if you look at it from the other side.

I don't know what that would be like. No family really, no children. I was going through photos a week ago and found pictures of my last family Christmas in 1983, not something I want to remember. 15 years ago or more my best friend and I were roommates, we had an awesome Christmas then but we spent the day together yesterday and it felt the same. She's the best.

If you feel that you will be losing something, then enjoy this last one as much as possible maybe. I've never missed being male but I don't think that I have ever felt male to begin with.

It doesn't end you know? I won't say that it doesn't change but everything is still there. Being a woman is in no way less than being a man, just different. I can't even imagine what it is like to be a father though, that will probably be different than anything that I have ever experienced. After this surge of terrible anxiety in the beginning of transition, more than likely things will settle down to something like normal. Just breathe, things may seem impossible right now but you can do it and there IS an after, and for most of us it is sooooooo worth it in the end. Just breathe, step, breathe, step, breathe, step and before you know it it will be tomorrow.

[davina61]

Well this my first Christmas as me , its only me cooking for my mum but have my DRESS ready.

[tgirlamg]

Jessica!

Let not your heart be troubled!!!... This will a touchstone in the journey... a passing of the torch from him to her... So let this be a moment not for the regret of what is lost but rather celebration of all that is to come... You will be giving yourself and your loved ones the gift of your true self in times to come.... Celebrate that sister... For that is truth... The time of hiding will be in the past and exchanged for a life well lived...

Wishing you all good things this holiday and in the New Year ahead!!!🌲🎉🎉🎉

Hugs and Love!!!

Ashley 😀❤️🌻

[Jessica_Rose]

I know I will be much happier when I can finally begin living as my true self, and I look forward to that day with great anticipation. Setting my soul free after so many years in darkness will be the most joyful day of my life.

I do not feel like I am losing anything, I guess it is more like going into mourning for the person I was. He certainly had his faults, but he did the best he could under the circumstances. He married a woman I will always love and helped raise two awesome young women. I believe many more joyful days with my family are in my future. I do not regret for one second my decision to keep moving forward, but I know he will be remembered and missed at future family gatherings, even if I am the only one who remembers him.

I really did not want to do this now because of the season, but I will be coming out to my daughters on Tuesday. I strongly feel this is something I need to do face to face, and this is the only time my daughters will be home until next Christmas. It is already an emotional time of the year, but coming out to my daughters the day after Christmas is like throwing gasoline onto an emotional fire.

Being on HRT has brought my emotions up from the depths where they were buried for decades, which for me is usually a beautiful experience. For someone who has only dealt with anger most of their life, trying to control this flood of new emotions is almost overwhelming. I will try to follow FinallyMichelle's suggestion...breathe slowly and keeping moving forward. I know it will pass.

And as always, thank you Ashley for your heartfelt support.

[Jailyn]

Jessica this is great!!!! I know it is a sadish thing. At the same time it will be a rebirth of you!!! I didn't know exactly last year that it would be my last Christmas as him, but I am very happy to be out and as myself!!! I feel so happy for you and hope that your family takes it well!!!!

[Margaret_B]

Last year was my last Christmas as him even though the name change and SSN were done on 12/07 the ID had to wait till 01/04/17 (plane tickets) 01/04/17 Was the first day if being 100% Margaret and putting him to rest. This Christmas is the best I have had so far in my time on earth, with people who like me for me and not what I can do for them. Enjoy your send off and make 2018 the start of living freely. Best Wishes

[SadieBlake]

Well, first Christmas as her post-op for me, last Xmas was the first Xmas Eve with my daughters after coming out and having been on HRT for a year and this year wasn't much different. The year before, both were out of the country and so it was a whole Xmas holiday alone for me.

Really my last Xmas as he was 20 years ago.

[Amie June]

Jessica, I can empathize with you. I left my family's gathering yesterday, after facing lots of odd looks for my changing appearance - clothing only at this point - and I wondered during the drive home what Christmas will be like in one year. (So far, I'm only out to a sister, and I haven't revealed anything to my daughter.) I could not begin to imagine what the next holiday would be like. I felt self-conscious during the day, and a bit confused and bewildered, because my inner life seemed so separate from others. It was like I was experiencing a different reality - very weird. I'm hoping I can regain balance after the holidays, and Jessica, I'm hoping you can do the same. 2018 will should hold many new wonders for us and lots of happiness. 

Lindy Lou