2017 and all that - a personal perspective

[Katie Jade]

Wow
So love these inspirational posts. Ive been off work for the last 6 weeks after my last melt down (not for 30 years), almost cost my Wife's thumb as she fought (and sons) the knife off me, trouble is after 50 years I still hide too much and too deep. Calmed down before the Police (armed) arrived so didn't get sectioned... Just DRI Hospital for 8 hours waiting.. GRR NHS... Still waiting for the Dr's to prescribe the hormones they promised..  but after 3 months of promises no meds  (was 6 Mths self before) I am loosing a bit of faith. Thing is I can remember the melt down - I sort of telescoped out and saw what was happening from a long way away. Unable to affect anything at all  - just drifting away..
I think I was due to die that day.
Still have doubts about transitioning but I cant live any more as my AMAB, too much doubt and ashamed of myself
But there again I don't give a care, but its all so fluctuating..
Head is so screwed up sometimes. if everyone went away I think I would be ok - I suppose I hold too much to other peoples expectations of me ,
Well
HugZ
Katie

Hope you understand this a bit -I don't

[Laurie]

Cindy,

  I am glad that you chose life too and are still here with us. Sometimes that is a hard decision. Some may not understand that because they have never had to make that choice. Some have to make it too many times. For some the pain of living is just too much, their despair and depression just too great. Our hearts break for those that didn't choose life. There would be a great number with broken hearts had you not chosen to live.

  I am but one of those glad that you chose life.

Love,
  Laurie

[Cindy]

Cindy,

  I am glad that you chose life too and are still here with us. Sometimes that is a hard decision. Some may not understand that because they have never had to make that choice. Some have to make it too many times. For some the pain of living is just too much, their despair and depression just too great. Our hearts break for those that didn't choose life. There would be a great number with broken hearts had you not chosen to live.

  I am but one of those glad that you chose life.

Love,
  Laurie

Thank you Hon. I spent the day with Rebecca and I made the right decision. She would be alone without me and I cannot have that.
Cancer is just a word. Words don't scare me.

[Jayne01]

Cindy, I just read your opening post in web view. For some reason Tapatalk only displayed the last two paragraphs so I missed what you wrote.

You are an incredible human being. You are an inspiration not only to trans people but to anybody that has ever faced any kind of adversity in their life. (ie.  the entire world).

When you had your surgery, I was in a very fragile mental state and in the middle of deleting and reinstating my account here at Susan's. I was too absorbed in my own self destruction to offer you support, which I am deeply sorry for. But I was reading your cancer blog holding my breath waiting for news of how your surgery went. "Cindy's online!" Were 2 words that allowed the entire Susan's community to start breathing again.

Thank you for choosing life. You make a real difference to people's lives. The world is a much better place with you in it.

You are AWESOME!!!!!

I hope 2018 goes a little easier on you.

Jayne

[Kendra]

> Cancer is just a word. Words don't scare me.

Now that is a quote.